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Old March 6th, 2006, 08:51 PM   #1
Name: Cassie
Join Date: June 7, 2005
Location: San Francisco, CA
Gender: Female
Default i miss her so fucking much...

my mom died 6 years ago and lately i have been thinking about and i can get her out of my head, i cry all the time and i have become very emotional lately, sometimes wen i cry i cant explain why im crying. i just want her back. i hate wen other ppl talk shit about ther mom or dad, well at least they have um. I miss her so much no cause my dad is always working so i have become very depressed from being lonley. i do hang w. my friends on weekend but ill so lonely during the week. i miss having her around. and i feel really bad cause i wasnt that 4 her as much as i should have been wen she was sick. i should ahve spent more time w. her, i meen i DIDNT EVEN GET TO SAY GOODBYE!! i miss her...i almost commited suacide and i cut (but for many other reasons)...i just i dont no wat to say wen ppl ask me y im crying because they wont understand...

i see ppl crying wen ther grandparents die, both my grandparents are dead..and my homeroom teacher was helpin a girl wen her grandparent died and she sed infront of the class that shes ahving a hard time and shit but MY TEACHER WOULDNT UNDERSTAND HOW IT IS TO LOOSE A PARENT CAUSE EVEN BOTH HER PARENTS ARE ALIVE....

i miss her.....
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Old March 6th, 2006, 09:29 PM   #2
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Name: Matt
Join Date: May 31, 2005
Location: usa
Age: 28
Gender: Male

I'm sorry for your loss your pain. I know I cannot relate to your angst. But I know you can pull threw, and move on. Just remember the happy times, and maybe shes in a better place. I don't know how she passed, but shes not suffering anymore, and at least, you hold her memories, and nobody truly dies, untill there memories do. So its up to you to keep them going.

""The New Law of Righteousness," that there "shall be no buying or selling, no fairs nor markets, but the whole earth shall be a common treasury for every man," and "there shall be none Lord over others, but every one shall be a Lord of himself.""
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Old March 6th, 2006, 09:43 PM   #3
Name: Cassie
Join Date: June 7, 2005
Location: San Francisco, CA
Gender: Female

she had cancer....its been so long and ive been being to forget memories and thats y i think ive been crying so much. i can only see her in pictures, my mind just cant picture her face like it use to. i miss her n i wish i could just see her inperson again. ugh i dont no wat to do. i wanna give her a hug. i havent seen her in 6 years. n i havent sed the word mom or mommy in sucj a long time. its like forgein. i use to take it for granted and now i cry wen i think about it....

my dad is never home i see him like 1ce a day, hes always at work. i was gonna move in w. my friend cause im only 14 and i pretty much living on my own. but i no he would miss me but im not sure of wat to do.

i jsut want my mom bac so was always there for me i she was here i prob wouldnt even be on this website and i wouldnt cut and i wouldnt hate myself, and if i did she would understand and my dad just doesnt n i guess he cant cause hes a guy...but its just soo fucking hard.
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Old March 7th, 2006, 07:28 PM   #4
Name: Cassie
Join Date: June 7, 2005
Location: San Francisco, CA
Gender: Female

has anyone else had a parents or a family member die?
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Old March 13th, 2006, 07:01 PM   #5
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Join Date: February 3, 2005
Location: Scotland!

A lot of people have experienced death of close friends and family members. It effects different people in different ways.
I know it feels like no one understands what it is like for you and its easy to get angry when people seem to think they do understand or that they know what youre going through when they probably dont.
But the truth is, they are just trying to help you.
They want to make you feel that you arent alone, that you're not the only one who has ever felt like this.
And you arent.

You must have only been very young, and there is nothing you could have done that would have stopped this from happening. So try not to blame yourself for anything, you have no reason to feel any guilt what so ever, your mum knew how much she meant to you, mums have a way of knowing things like that.

Like Kolte said, just think about all the good times you had with your mum. If youre worried about forgetting things, maybe you could get a diary and right them down. So when youre feeling down, or you find yourself thinking about your mum, you can read about all the good times you had together and you can smile about them.

About your dad, can i ask if you and him ever spoke about your mum after she had died?
You dont have to answer if you dont want to, its fine.
I dont know what your relationship is like with him, but maybe you could talk to him? Or if you dont feel you could bring that up with him, maybe give him something/leave something lying around that youve written about how you're feeling about everything so he can read that. Sometimes its easier to write it than to actually say it.

The other person you could talk to is your doctor. I dont know if you have already or if you would want to, but sometimes it can really help you deal with things.
If that sounds like too much, maybe you could call a helpline? Just talking about your mum and your feelings in anonymity can help lead onto to other things.

Anyway, I hope you feel better about everything really soon.
Its tough, but I know you can pull through.

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Old March 13th, 2006, 07:25 PM   #6
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Join Date: December 15, 2004
Location: Ireland
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 20

Originally Posted by PinkLink101
has anyone else had a parents or a family member die?
my dad died of cancer, 14 years ago this year, and it has only really hit me last year. i was too young to grieve, didnt really understand it, afterall i was only 5 but around the anniversary last year i got pretty bad and could just burts into tears cause i never had a dad, everyone else did but i didnt. everyone else has their dad to go to but i didnt.

i got angry and was just real upset. i still would be now, more upset than angry though, esspecially when i would see my mam alone, and i see she misses him, it just hurts.

but the sadness and anger does pass, and you remeber the good times. i remeber some but only a little, but i love hearing other people tell stories about him, i may have heard them a million times over but it makes me smile cause he is still in my life, not directly but through other people. and this is me being religious, but i know he is there watching over me, and that gives me comfort too.

but thats just me and how i deal with it.

~ A L E X ~

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