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Old May 6th, 2009, 09:19 PM   #1
LordSpart
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Join Date: May 6, 2009
Gender: Male
Default Alright

I just have to get this stuff off my mind or else im gonna think about it all day....I used to thing i was crazy sometimes cause i would think. of sexually wrong things and question myself constantly. I can normally get the images out of my mind though by opening my eyes real wide and trying my hardest not to think about it. I have had thoughts of having sexual relations with an adolescent even though i know that i would never ever do that and normally i get it out of my head before it goes to far. I also have been questioning my sexuality since i was in middle school even though i know that im not gay. I have also had the times where i would look online to see if i was turned on by the pictures of both of these two things but i would quickly close the page because i knew it was completely wrong and it may prevoke me to be turned on by that stuff....enough about that though....

I dont like leaving the house with things plugged in and ive repeatedly checked all the rooms many times just to see if they were unplugged when i knew they were. I also do that when i do something like set my alarm clock i used to check it so many times just to see if it was the right time set. I have trouble counting things to like anything u have to physically count i always go back and forth recounting many many times.

Ive been doing pretty intense workouts lately and if i skip a workout i feel real guilty and ask my mom about 50 times if its alright to skip a day. I know i am annoying her but i cant help myself.

I hate text messaging. I can never send a text back quickly. I think about what i should say alot and reword my texts over and over. When i text a girl ill ask my friends over and over if it was good and i would literally worry myself to death wondering how she took the text. It was like so much relief when she would text me back.

I like to have my day organized...I like to do my things at certain times of the day that i set them at. I actually think ahead to see how much time i can spare for each...Like for instance today....at 1:30 my mom asked me if i would go get supper. I dont get off till 5 and i like doing my workout at 6 which gives me 2 hours till 8 and from 8 2 10 is my rest time because i go to sleep around 10. Anyway we got in a text arument and i ended up getting supper (i can fight it i just have to not think about it. It is hard to not think about it sometimes though )....I know such a simple little thing but thats how it is..

I also saw another thread where someone couldnt control drawing a circle or an line in their mind. i tried that couldnt do it either. My thing was imagining myself jump roping or swinging. I could never control how fast i would make them go. Sometimes they would just stop altogether and i couldnt get the to jump or swing at all.

I have violent thoughts but never act upon them...I always imagine the worst that could happen in every situation. I think of mean stuff sometimes..One time i was walking by two guys standing next to the pit. I imagined pushing one of them in and thought what the other would do when i did that and i decided i would have to push them both in.

There are things that i dont do though. Im not a neat freak but i do have my moments where i am overwhelmed with the messyness and take everything out and reorganize the whole room. I used to wash my hands alot but i got over that. I guess u could say i was afraid of germs. I mean my hands would dry out cause i washed them so much. I guess u can make urself get over it though cause i dont do it anymore.


Well srry to bore yall with that yall that. It just feels so much better to right it down. Im pretty sure i have adhd 2 i dont know if its connected to this. I am gonna check my post about a hundred times because i just cant help myself lol. If yall dont respond ill understand i know i typed alot.
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