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Old August 31st, 2008, 08:35 PM   #1
thoughts
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Default murderous thoughts / the true hell of pure O

ill start this off by saying this is my first time to do this online. i have a rare OCD disorder that's a little dangerous to myself and those around me. iv seen five doctors so far to see if they could help me and so far they have all made it worse or did nothing to it. i have been thro thousands of dollors in meds and appointments all for nothing i have almost been forced to live in a sycotic ward even but was dismissed at the last second thanks to my parents. due to what i have it has all so made me in to an insomniac because it scares me in to not sleeping at nights. this is what i have. at any given moment at any given time during the day i will have a sudden urge to kill anyone and everyone around me it doesn't matter if i know them or not family friend or stranger who ever is closest to me at the time of the thoughts but not just kill them but to do it in a way that it would make them suffer and after they die i want to eat them. i have these thoughts 2 to 6 times a day. sadly the thought have been getting stronger and happening more times a day and they last longer now. and i find my self to start playing with the thing i want to kill the person with. i cant sleep at nights because i have nightmares every night about killing people hunting them down and then eating them when there alive. i scream allot during my sleep the rare times that i do sleep i sleep every other night for 2 hrs I'm to scared to sleep anymore. i don't know what to do anymore i cant seem to cure these on my own can someone please help me or is someone out there like me? I'm 19 years old and I'm in collage. ps sorry for spelling and grammer there not my strong points im begging for help plz someone any lil tip would help somthing nothing is to small at this point i need help badly
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Old August 31st, 2008, 11:35 PM   #2
IAMSAM
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Default Re: murderous thoughts / the true hell of pure O

Well, I think that eventhough you've been thru a lot of docs and meds, you should keep pursuing relief with them. keep looking, try new people, with complicated situations like yours sometimes it takes a really long time to find the right person and the right meds. Don't get discouraged, don't give up hope, and don't stop trying and being open to new docs and treatments.

One of the most important things to keep in mind here is that although these urges/thoughts/fantasies are all (rightfully) disturbing to you, they are all in your head. You are not actually acting on them, you aren't going out and doing these things. Your controls are firmly in place, you are in complete control.

What's scary is that the THOUGHTS are uncontrollable, but the thoughts by themselves cannot cause harm, only if you make them into actions can that happen. As long as you're in control, you're OK. It's ok to relax and go to sleep.

try to rmemebr that there's a hugely significant diff b'twn those thoughts and actual action, and that regardless of how frightening and real the thoughts might be, you are still in control of them. If, however, you fell that control slipping away, you must go to the nearest hospital ER so they can address that and keep you safe.

Keep looking for a doc, and maybe you need to go to a major metropolitan area, or a teaching hospital,where they might have more experience with these sorts of things. But hang in there, and remember that as along as its on the 'other' side of that line, you're OK.
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Old August 31st, 2008, 11:49 PM   #3
Atonement
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Default Re: murderous thoughts / the true hell of pure O

As for your pursuit of help, keep on. Really, it takes a LOT to exhaust all the possibilities. So just keep looking and try going for the bigger hospitals they tend to have more experience and resources. Just dont give up

As for the want to murder people. It is not wrong if you don't act. I mean, I think that I want to kill someone but never would I really. If you ever ever get to the point of wanting to act or you plan or conspire to, you need to tell someone. It gets very dangerous when you start to contemplate and act. I hope it never gets to that point

I hope you get all the help you need.

All you need is love.
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Old August 31st, 2008, 11:50 PM   #4
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Default Re: murderous thoughts / the true hell of pure O

Well first off welcome to VT! Glad to see new faces.
As for your problem I am not a medical professional but I would just try to keep all weapons away from you because it would be bad if you took one into your hands.

As for your thoughts, I am not sure how to address it other than for you to just stay positive. Continue doing the activities you love. If you can remain positive and happy mentally then maybe you can curve the trend and frequency of the thoughts you are having. I am not sure what is causing these thoughts so it may not work but it seems that it would be by some type of sub-conscience kind of deal. So stay positive and happy.

Also, my advice would be to continue to seek medical attention. I don't think that treatments and other things will help as much as appointments with psychiatrists. I think you just need someone to talk to about this condition openly.

I hope this helped you. Good luck






~Laura was here~
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Old September 1st, 2008, 12:11 AM   #5
thoughts
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Default Re: murderous thoughts / the true hell of pure O

thx for the support guys i live in alabama and we have lots of big hospitals ill look deeper in to treetments and stuff tomorrow
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Old September 2nd, 2008, 12:40 AM   #6
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Default Re: murderous thoughts / the true hell of pure O

i have heard hypnosis can help this sort of thing...
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Old November 4th, 2008, 08:04 AM   #7
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Default Re: murderous thoughts / the true hell of pure O

hello henry, ill start by saying i know exactly how you feel, i myself am goin through something very similar. I have just started university in the U.K and half way through the summer before i left i was on a family holiday in france. In the cottage i was staying in i came across this draw which contained some extreemly sharp knives. In any other time of my life i would've looked upon this as a vital part of the kitchen but instead of that i felt a VERY strong urge to pick one up and (this hurts to admit) plunge it into someone and kill them. I'm a christian by upbringing and i've never lost my faith so this was definitely not a normal feeling for me and for the rest of that evening i lied awake trying to get to sleep but being unable to due to the horrific thoughts i had earlier on. anyway since then ive been battling with these 'irrational' thoughts for what seems like all day every day. on a typical day at the moment ill get up ready for lectures and see one of my housemates and instantly get a thought/vision in my head of me brutally murdering them, then ill get through the days lectures (just, not without thinking about these thoughts non stop) and then walk on home. and it doesnt stop. im constantly fighting my own thoughts of murdering anyone, as you say, that is close to me at the time. and the most soul destroying thing for me is that when i think of my parents and all they've done for me in my life i am no longer getting the same feelings towards them instead im thinking of murdering them too!! its destroying my life i've felt suicidal and very depressed. everyday i go through the same emotional rollercoaster beleiving im insane and that im goin to turn into one of these psychotic murderers you only hear about on the news. the scary thing is that the thoughts are real enough for me to question wether i should actually do what my head is telling me to do although i know by my upbringing i shouldnt. its as if i dont know whats right and wrong anymore and i hate it. ive got a counsellor session tomorrow that i didn't want to book but i stuck my neck out and booked it because i need help. i hope in some way you read this and feel comforted that your not alone.. i certainly did when i read your post. life is not fair and it definately isnt easy i hope by now you may be over the worst of it and then maybe you could tell me what you did to get over it but if you aren't i would very much like to stay in contact with you (via msn or sumthin??) and maybe we could get through this together because i think that it would help both of us to have someone to talk to regularly who shares in the experience. thanks and god bless.
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Old November 4th, 2008, 08:05 AM   #8
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Default Re: murderous thoughts / the true hell of pure O

sorry i thought it was henry who posted the original i apologise
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