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Old January 22nd, 2018, 01:52 PM   #1
NeonBlueButterfly
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Default Dealing with a crush, but I can't act on it

I'm going to try to keep this short, so that this post doesn't end up being a mile long. If anyone needs more details, they're in my blog on this site.

There's this incredibly cute and sweet girl that I really like, but there's no way that letting her know could end well. I'm stuck at a religious school, so I'd be kicked out, my parents would throw me out of the house if they found out that I like girls, and if everything goes as planned, I'll be graduating early and leaving in a couple of months anyway. Plus, while it certainly feels like she's flirting with me, I'm very inexperienced in this sort of thing, so it's quite possible she's not even interested in me in that way. What I need to do is figure out how to deal with this, because it's been extremely hard to not tell her how much I like her. I need to get this under control, because there is no good ending in sight if I tell her.

I need to figure out how to resist the temptation to tell her everything, or find a way to get over this crush fast, and I'll take all the help I can get. Does anyone know how to go about doing that?

Last edited by NeonBlueButterfly; January 22nd, 2018 at 07:21 PM. Reason: Edited to clarify my question
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Old January 22nd, 2018, 02:26 PM   #2
benlodge123
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Default Re: Dealing with a crush, but I can't act on it

Definetely try talking to her about how she feels about you. She might really like you and is waiting for you to make the first move. As for your parents there is no reason for them to kick you out. You don't decide your sexuality, your hormones do. You must tell them! Make sure its at a good time though, no family disputes earlier on and want not. Try not to deviate from telling them, because bottling it up is absolutely terrible trust me! (not talking about coming out, because I am straight, I mean other problems)

let me know how it goes, dont hesitate to message me!

Happy to Chat about anything!! Hit me up! "
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Old January 22nd, 2018, 06:40 PM   #3
ska8er
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Default Re: Dealing with a crush, but I can't act on it

Start by continuing being friends with her
and then after time if u c that the friendship
is going someplace ask her how she feels bout
u. As for ur other prob of religious school and
liking girls and being kicked out-u will b out on
ur own soon. I would deal with that then and not
now. Don't add other probs to ur life.
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Old January 22nd, 2018, 07:30 PM   #4
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Default Re: Dealing with a crush, but I can't act on it

Thank you for the responses, but talking to her about how I feel is precisely what I'm trying to avoid, because it cannot end well for either of us. The absolute best case scenario is that she likes me and we get to sneak around for a couple of months, then I leave the state and I will not be coming back. That's not fair to her. The worst case scenarios end up with both of us kicked out of school, and me kicked out of the house (and maybe her too, if her family is anything like mine). If I'm mistaken and she doesn't like me like that, then my secret is out, and she can get me kicked out of school and home either by accident, or intentionally if she wanted to (I don't think she'd want to, but I can't afford to take that risk). That's why I need to get over this crush, to get her out of my mind somehow, and that's what I need help with.
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Old January 23rd, 2018, 04:01 AM   #5
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Default Re: Dealing with a crush, but I can't act on it

You would be kicked out of school? I find it shocking to think that that could be legal. Cause I don't think it is. If you are 18, I don't think that your school can legally talk to your parents about you.

As far as what to do with the girl I would say just flirt back in very minor ways. She could pick up on it and respond by flirting in a stronger way. If she is religious and not a homosexual, it is unlikely that she would pick up on anything because she is really not expecting it to happen.


Canada / Sport Management (Hockey) Major / Straight / Left-Wing Progressive / 18 yrs old

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Old January 23rd, 2018, 08:03 AM   #6
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Default Re: Dealing with a crush, but I can't act on it

Quote:
Originally Posted by NewLeafsFan View Post
You would be kicked out of school? I find it shocking to think that that could be legal. Cause I don't think it is. If you are 18, I don't think that your school can legally talk to your parents about you.

As far as what to do with the girl I would say just flirt back in very minor ways. She could pick up on it and respond by flirting in a stronger way. If she is religious and not a homosexual, it is unlikely that she would pick up on anything because she is really not expecting it to happen.
It's a private, religious school, so it would be perfectly legal to kick me out over the fact that I like girls. Granted, the state would just make sure that I'm immediately placed in a public school, but my plans involve graduating early, and this school will let me do that, while a public school would probably not be allowed to do so. Plus, I don't think I could survive if I was kicked out of the house. At least, not yet.

I would love to flirt back, but since there is literally no possibility of a happy ending in which we get to be together with the potential for a relationship that could last, that's not an option. I need to figure out how to move past this crush even though I can't avoid her at school.
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Old January 23rd, 2018, 12:55 PM   #7
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Default Re: Dealing with a crush, but I can't act on it

If I were you, I'd just continue with the friendship and hold back your feelings. It's sad that you have to do that, but it's your best choice since you'd run a major risk of getting kicked out of your house and your school. To be honest, parents that kick out and/or disown their own kid for just opening up and telling them who they are should not be parents at all. I mean, I'm not religious expert, but isn't all the anti-gay stuff in the old testament? The SAME book that says you can't eat non-kosher food, wear or produce clothes with more than one fabric, etc.?

"My mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping." Fred Rogers
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Old January 23rd, 2018, 03:42 PM   #8
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Default Re: Dealing with a crush, but I can't act on it

Sounds like you already know that talking to her about your feelings is out of the question. For me, when I've had crushes, the best thing for me was to spend less time with my crush. Just being around them would make the crush even worse. Stay friendly, still text and those kinds of things, but the less you're in her presence, the faster you will get through the crush.
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Old January 23rd, 2018, 07:50 PM   #9
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Default Re: Dealing with a crush, but I can't act on it

Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonBlueButterfly View Post
It's a private, religious school, so it would be perfectly legal to kick me out over the fact that I like girls. Granted, the state would just make sure that I'm immediately placed in a public school, but my plans involve graduating early, and this school will let me do that, while a public school would probably not be allowed to do so. Plus, I don't think I could survive if I was kicked out of the house. At least, not yet.

I would love to flirt back, but since there is literally no possibility of a happy ending in which we get to be together with the potential for a relationship that could last, that's not an option. I need to figure out how to move past this crush even though I can't avoid her at school.
Just because it is a private institution does not give them the right to discriminate. If I was working at a store and they thought I was gay, just because they are not government funded would not allow them to fire me Like I said, I would be very surprised if that's legal. What state are you in? I'd like to look it up for my own curiosity.

I agree that the best situation is that you continue there and life at home until college. And as you have stated, it is very unlikely that there is a happy ending for you and this girl. As far as getting through the crush goes, it doesn't sound like you will be at that school for much longer anyway.


Canada / Sport Management (Hockey) Major / Straight / Left-Wing Progressive / 18 yrs old

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Old January 26th, 2018, 08:56 PM   #10
samuel15
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Default Re: Dealing with a crush, but I can't act on it

Get her number and date her after school, most parents accept their Children
even if they don't agree with it.

My initials are SN which means snow in Swedish.
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Old January 26th, 2018, 09:10 PM   #11
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Default Re: Dealing with a crush, but I can't act on it

Well try and make friends with her. That may be all she wants from you is friendship. As you get to know each other I am sure that you will find out her intentions for your relationship. If you are Lesbian you can just stay in the closet and keep it that way until after you graduate. It doesn't have to be anyone's business.

I am gay and happy with that.
I love talking to people very open & willing to listen.
I am also glad to try help with questions or problems.
Hit me up for anything. I promise I don't bite.
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