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Old January 20th, 2018, 08:37 PM   #1
gherkin2pickle
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Name: Bre
Join Date: July 24, 2016
Location: Neverland
Gender: Female
Default Boyfriend and I can't seem to show affection much

So, my boyfriend and I started dating in August of 2017. It's been over 5 months, and yet the only thing we've done is hug. We held hands once during a really stressful situation, so I don't really count that.

We've already made it known to each other how much we care. I honestly see myself being with him for a long time, if not for life. We were relatively good friends for about four years before he asked me out, so it's not like we're virtually strangers. But the thing is, we're both incredibly awkward and self conscious people.

I have a difficult time touching anyone, really. My best friend of six years and I have never even hugged before, and we're extremely close. Needless to say, I have an irrational fear of being in intimate contact with anyone, at all. Most of this fear comes from the fact that my boyfriend and I are never together alone. I only see him during school when I'm around my peers, and sometimes on weekends, when we're around friends or family. I don't want to try something that's new to both of us in front of others. What if one of us gets scared, or what if whoever is around us thinks it's awkward? We're almost always around my group of friends, and they're all really closed-minded when it comes to relationships. It took a while for them to get used to the fact that I'm in a relationship myself.

I know for a fact that I want to get closer to him. I so want to be able to cuddle while watching movies, hug whenever we feel like it, hold hands without fear. But I don't know how.

I once asked him over text if he was happy where we are in our relationship. I was hoping that I would get the opportunity to bring up how I wish I had more opportunity to show him how much I care for him. But, he said that he is totally okay and happy with where we are, and that he wouldn't change anything. However, I don't know if he was telling the complete truth. We're both very passive and hate conflict, and will comply with whatever the other person says just to avoid confrontation and any awkwardness. It's become a real barrier between us. I don't know if he wants more like I do or not. He'll never tell me, because he's scared to upset me (which is so sweet of him). I'm the exact same way. I'm not brave enough to say anything, either.

I don't know how to go about telling him how I feel. I want more than just compliments, I want to show him how much I care about him. The physical domain of our relationship is suffering terribly. But I can't tell him, and I doubt he would ever tell me.

I need advice. If we aren't able to advance this relationship beyond a glorified friendship (which is what people have told me that it is), I honestly don't know how it's going to last. If you read this far, please let me know your thoughts? Thank you <3
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Old January 21st, 2018, 07:47 PM   #2
ska8er
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Name: Andy
Join Date: August 23, 2013
Location: Pennsylvania USA
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Default Re: Boyfriend and I can't seem to show affection much

I think for now u should stay the way
u r in ur relationship with him. It seems
he wants it that way and u should go
along with it. He might in time b more
affectionate. I would tell him how u feel
tho but dont keep bringing it up.
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Old January 22nd, 2018, 02:52 AM   #3
NewLeafsFan
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Name: Cedrick
Join Date: December 14, 2016
Location: Ontario, Canada
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Default Re: Boyfriend and I can't seem to show affection much

It sounds to me like you need to have a more specific conversation. Ask him about what he thinks about the limited level of physical contact in your relationship. So far you have only asked if he would change anything. He probably interpreted that as asking if he was happy with you. Or he could be thinking that he wants sex, like every other guy in the world but he doesn't feel comfortable talking about it because THERE IS NO PHYSICAL CONTACT GOING ON.

Just talk to him. Make more of an effort to hold hands. Surprise him by kissing him once in a while.


Canada / Sport Management (Hockey) Major / Straight / Left-Wing Progressive / 18 yrs old

Cedrick Desjardins
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Old January 26th, 2018, 09:22 PM   #4
jamie_n5
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Default Re: Boyfriend and I can't seem to show affection much

Well you don't tell your ages. That could be a big help in giving you advice. It may be as simple as he is immature and somewhat shy and doesn't know or have the confidence in what to do really. You can talk to him and tell him how you feel and what you are wanting from your relationship and tell him where you want to be now with what you do with each other. If you really like him or love him be patient and help lead him along and make him feel wanted and comfortable with your relationship. Good Luck.

I am gay and happy with that.
I love talking to people very open & willing to listen.
I am also glad to try help with questions or problems.
Hit me up for anything. I promise I don't bite.
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Old January 27th, 2018, 04:03 PM   #5
gherkin2pickle
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Name: Bre
Join Date: July 24, 2016
Location: Neverland
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Default Re: Boyfriend and I can't seem to show affection much

We're both 16, and both turning 17 this year (juniors in high school).

Thank you for replying, everyone! I'm still quite nervous, but I have a better idea of what I have to do, now. Thank you
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