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Old December 25th, 2017, 07:21 AM   #1
Sevun
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Default My Sister

Okay, sorry for this overload of threads. I've posted like 4 in the past few days? Sorry!

I have an issue with my sister, I don't know if she's narcissistic or has a personality disorder, but I find times with her quite unenjoyable. I really would like to actually like her but whenever she comes down from her city where she lives to where I live at home with our parents, I feel dreadful. She is a control-freak, and being a doctor, she always fusses over minor injuries like bumping her tooth on a bowl and fussing over it for days. She gets into fights with my mum from 2 times a month to 1 time every two months, and they're always quite loud and fierce. This happens mostly over the phone when my sister isn't physically here, and they trade a lot of rude remarks, wishes that the other would die, and swear words.

I've been caught in their nonsense before. We visited a tennis tournament when I was 13 (I'm 15 now, so it's pretty fresh in my mind), and on the way home at night afterwards, they had this massive fight. My mum went to the apartment we were staying at and my sister forced me to stay with her in the city. I couldn't go home by myself because my sister told me the city was unsafe at night and that it was dangerous, but I feel like it was more for her own personal motive, in that me going home would mean her defeat in this fight. We spoke to my Dad on the phone who was back in my hometown for advice, and he told my sister to stop being crazy, and it was really traumatic for someone who had come from such an enjoyable event. My sister threatened to call the police and it was really horrible. Eventually, at like 12-1 AM in the morning, they reconciled things, and I could finally go home to the apartment. It has scarred me ever since. I want to trust my sister, and not live like this.

Peace, Sevun

and merry christmas !



EDIT: I probably should also factor in my family. Mum is retired and that puts stress on dad, as he has to raise the family income. This means that we never go out to the coast as a family or holiday together, because he has work or overseas commitments that overlap with assessment period at school etc. I'm not sure if my mum is depressed or anything, but I did catch her borrow a book called "Dealing With Unemployment 101" something along the lines of that, and she can be impulsive as she buys a lot of machines (bread maker, sewing machine, food) from online at home whilst Dad and I are at school/work. Dad also says stuff behind her back, like how she always is on the computer screen and sleeps all day (not really, but she sleeps more than me or my Dad because we have to get up and go to school/work) and does nothing at home etc. Mum gets annoyed at Dad for leaving scraps of food around.
I feel like our family is so dysfunctional. My room is practically a dumpster for all the delivery boxes that mum buys her stuff online from as well as just old school bags etc. I really like them, and I want to be able to confide in themI just don't know how to make it work...

I'm suffering my quarter-life crisis 10 years premature but hopefully I'll find a way and be ok. Don't be afraid to chat, I'm open to every experience and opinion!

Last edited by Sevun; December 25th, 2017 at 06:57 PM. Reason: added more info
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Old December 25th, 2017, 08:37 PM   #2
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Default Re: My Sister

Well I feel bad for you and your family. It looks and sounds like dad is the steady pillar of the family and is the only one holding your family together. Your mom and sister need to come to some same ground with each other and get along. I have no idea why your sister acts the way she does towards you. Have you tried to talk to her and reason with her about how she treats you and your family? I don't know what else to tell you. Something needs to be done to bring you together as a family.

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Old December 25th, 2017, 11:16 PM   #3
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Default Re: My Sister

What do you feel like it would take for you to get your family back on track?
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Old December 26th, 2017, 06:41 AM   #4
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Default Re: My Sister

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Originally Posted by jamie_n5 View Post
Well I feel bad for you and your family. It looks and sounds like dad is the steady pillar of the family and is the only one holding your family together. Your mom and sister need to come to some same ground with each other and get along. I have no idea why your sister acts the way she does towards you. Have you tried to talk to her and reason with her about how she treats you and your family? I don't know what else to tell you. Something needs to be done to bring you together as a family.
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What do you feel like it would take for you to get your family back on track?
My mum has gotten better, and she's really supportive and everything. currently, things are a lot better after a day of shopping and making a pavlova together and celebrating Christmas as a family. I think if my sister saw a therapist and relied less on my mum and more on her friends, she would be less stressed. My mum, I think if she helped out in little ways, that would be good for the family (maybe just help school fairs and events, help the community?). I don't know how to confront my sister though.... I'm not sure if I have dramatised what happened or how bad my family is, but I just know it's not as well oiled as other families.

I'm suffering my quarter-life crisis 10 years premature but hopefully I'll find a way and be ok. Don't be afraid to chat, I'm open to every experience and opinion!
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Old December 26th, 2017, 09:03 AM   #5
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Default Re: My Sister

I’m glad things got better, but it sounds like you’ll have to talk to your sister eventually.
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Old December 26th, 2017, 12:03 PM   #6
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Default Re: My Sister

It sounds quite tough man. Yo are young and brought into a dispute between Ur mum and older sister (by a number of years?) and that you love them both. Do they know how much this is affecting you too? I hope things get better
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Old December 26th, 2017, 07:55 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by zzzzzzzzzz View Post
It sounds quite tough man. Yo are young and brought into a dispute between Ur mum and older sister (by a number of years?) and that you love them both. Do they know how much this is affecting you too? I hope things get better
they don''t really know, it has gotten better. i hope everything improve soon :`

I'm suffering my quarter-life crisis 10 years premature but hopefully I'll find a way and be ok. Don't be afraid to chat, I'm open to every experience and opinion!
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Old December 26th, 2017, 09:26 PM   #8
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Default Re: My Sister

There is a big problem in your house. Talk to them, try to understand.

Everything haves a reason. If you see things are going worse and worse, then, it's time to seek for professional help.

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Old December 28th, 2017, 01:59 AM   #9
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Okay my sister has flown back to her city, and now I feel really sad!
It was actually nice to be a family again, and we played a board game together that was really fun. I sort of miss her. I wonder sometimes if she does things out of my best interests, but sometimes comes off as whiny and neurotic. Sigh...

I'm suffering my quarter-life crisis 10 years premature but hopefully I'll find a way and be ok. Don't be afraid to chat, I'm open to every experience and opinion!
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Old December 28th, 2017, 02:38 AM   #10
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Default Re: My Sister

So, your sis is a doctor? If so, she should really have her temper a bit more under control. As you describe her, she reminded me a bit of my mom. Too a control freak.

If your sister's character is similar to your mom, then they probably still have fierce arguments now and then. In those moments you only can wait until both have calmed down. Then try to tell them calmly that they should control themselves a bit more, after all, both are adults.

In the worst case, this may be a case for a family therapist. As a doctor, your sis should be able to assess this.


But it seems, there's hope. May it continue to evolve and last a long time. Good luck.





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Old December 28th, 2017, 06:07 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by lliam View Post
So, your sis is a doctor? If so, she should really have her temper a bit more under control. As you describe her, she reminded me a bit of my mom. Too a control freak.

If your sister's character is similar to your mom, then they probably still have fierce arguments now and then. In those moments you only can wait until both have calmed down. Then try to tell them calmly that they should control themselves a bit more, after all, both are adults.

In the worst case, this may be a case for a family therapist. As a doctor, your sis should be able to assess this.


But it seems, there's hope. May it continue to evolve and last a long time. Good luck.

Yeah that's what I initially thought. Thanks bro, your support means a lot

I'm suffering my quarter-life crisis 10 years premature but hopefully I'll find a way and be ok. Don't be afraid to chat, I'm open to every experience and opinion!
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Old December 28th, 2017, 07:24 AM   #12
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Default Re: My Sister

Sounds like these arguments happened a while ago? And are still bothering you.
Seems to me that there’s a lot more going on than what you say here
And it all starts with basic communication
Among all of you
Including yourself.
If you don’t let them know how you feel about what’s going on it won’t change and you’ll hold it all in with not knowing how to express it to them
And in the end you’ll eventually express it but probably to the wrong people for the wrong reasons and in the same way you’ve watched them deal with conflict.

Get some help bro....

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Old December 29th, 2017, 08:24 AM   #13
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Default Re: My Sister

Quote:
Originally Posted by Just JT View Post
Sounds like these arguments happened a while ago? And are still bothering you.
Seems to me that there’s a lot more going on than what you say here
And it all starts with basic communication
Among all of you
Including yourself.
If you don’t let them know how you feel about what’s going on it won’t change and you’ll hold it all in with not knowing how to express it to them
And in the end you’ll eventually express it but probably to the wrong people for the wrong reasons and in the same way you’ve watched them deal with conflict.

Get some help bro....
Hey, thanks. Yeah I think it's sort of become a lot deeper than it was before. I'll talk to the school counsellor/psychologist and see if that helps me heal or get the courage to speak up. I'll think about it!

I'm suffering my quarter-life crisis 10 years premature but hopefully I'll find a way and be ok. Don't be afraid to chat, I'm open to every experience and opinion!
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Old December 30th, 2017, 01:25 AM   #14
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Default Re: My Sister

It sounds like your sister has some type of problem. Hopefully it is minor like the constant need to be causing drama and be the centre of attention instead of a serious mental illness.

Unfortunately, the only thing that you can do is try to protect yourself. Even though she's your sister, it's only good advice to tell you that when people are more trouble than they are worth, you need to limit your time with them.


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Old January 3rd, 2018, 05:09 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by NewLeafsFan View Post
It sounds like your sister has some type of problem. Hopefully it is minor like the constant need to be causing drama and be the centre of attention instead of a serious mental illness.

Unfortunately, the only thing that you can do is try to protect yourself. Even though she's your sister, it's only good advice to tell you that when people are more trouble than they are worth, you need to limit your time with them.
yeah I might talk to a professional about it and seek advice from there. Thanks!

I'm suffering my quarter-life crisis 10 years premature but hopefully I'll find a way and be ok. Don't be afraid to chat, I'm open to every experience and opinion!
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