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Old November 22nd, 2017, 08:12 AM   #1
wolfbuddy
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Default Should I remain friends

So I was at my friend's place playing a game with two other guys when I decided to tell them that I'm gay. They were all cool with that but then one of them said it's not my fault that I was born a fag. I didn't like what he said but didn't bother telling him that.

They then started suggesting boys I could date and they started telling how we would get sexual and stuff, they started telling me who else is gay and how big they are and their virginity and stuff... I was getting uncomfortable with them so I asked them to stop but they made jokes about me saying I was afraid. One of them told me to give him a bj to practice, then one told me to get naked and show them my bulge and stuff, they also asked me if I'd let them get inside me... I told them to stop and then they took out their dicks and took them close to my mouth and told me to suck it. I got up and ran out of there, but they kept saying they were just joking and they're sorry. They are calling me all the time now telling that they're sorry. What should I do?
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Old November 22nd, 2017, 08:26 AM   #2
ska8er
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Default Re: Should I remain friends

U have interesting friends. How come
they know so much bout other guys?
What made u come out and tell them
that u were gay? U opened urself up
to the things that happened. If they
really r ur friends then they will let it
go at that-if not then find new friends
that will accept u as u r and not bully u.
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Old November 22nd, 2017, 10:06 AM   #3
mick01
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Default Re: Should I remain friends

All of the behavior you described is immature and disrespectful. If that is who you want as friends, that's your decision. But they're not true friends. I'd dump them in a heartbeat.
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Old November 22nd, 2017, 11:02 AM   #4
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Default Re: Should I remain friends

Quote:
Originally Posted by ska8er View Post
U have interesting friends. How come
they know so much bout other guys?
What made u come out and tell them
that u were gay? U opened urself up
to the things that happened. If they
really r ur friends then they will let it
go at that-if not then find new friends
that will accept u as u r and not bully u.
Not sure I totally agree with you on this. That in a way sorta like saying someone deserved to be sexually assaulted cause of how they dress. Any assault or herrassement is not ok.

To the OP imo they might be following by example. Watch the news about how all these celebrities are being accused of sexual assault/herrassement.

Their your friends and they should accept you for who you are. They might of been joking, guys do that kinda shit to each other. If they truly were joking around Id say their probably really ok with you being gay

But also, they mighta been testing your limits to. Maybe they dont understand that just cause someones gays does t mean their fair game to be used sexually and think youd like it just cause your gay.

Id talk with them, not saying Id accept their apology, but say how you felt about it. Im guessing you wanted to come out to them cause they are good friends and wanted their support and acceptance, which should be expected. And they should know that.

You may also be the first friend they have whos come out to them and did t k ow how to react. Its rude in appropriate and wrong either way. But friends are friends. And with talking with them about this I think youll be able to come to your own determination if you wana still be friends or not.

Some gay guys can take some ribbing from other straight guys. And its ok if it bothers you. Thats you, and dont be ashamed of it.

Guess Im suggesting you all sit down and talk about it and see how you feel after wards

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Old November 22nd, 2017, 07:24 PM   #5
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Default Re: Should I remain friends

I can't abide homophobia and being called a fa**ot is downright nasty. They are not your friends. Next time you see them, do a 180.

In time, you will make friends and the best friends of all are the ones who come to you.

The greatest female power is empathy to create relationships on a personal level. It's better for a woman to come across as more nurturing, more warm, and that is going to lend more success to her than for a man doing the same thing.
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Old November 23rd, 2017, 01:55 AM   #6
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Default Re: Should I remain friends

Hi. I'm not sure if they were being silly or genuinely horrible. They did go way OTT. The only thing to do is speak to them. If they are sorry they will show it. If not, ditch them
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Old November 23rd, 2017, 01:59 AM   #7
wolfbuddy
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Default Re: Should I remain friends

Quote:
Originally Posted by ska8er View Post
U have interesting friends. How come
they know so much bout other guys?
What made u come out and tell them
that u were gay? U opened urself up
to the things that happened. If they
really r ur friends then they will let it
go at that-if not then find new friends
that will accept u as u r and not bully u.
Honestly I don't know how they know so much about other guys, I was just feeling uncomfortable having to hide my sexuality to them when they were discussing which girls were the best, so I opened up. I kinda did that because I wanted some attention I guess.

They've been apologizing the whole day, they told me that they're sorry for what they did and that they're perfectly fine with me being gay. They also told me that since I was gay they assumed I liked dicks to face and butt and that I told them because I was horny and wanted to get sexual. They also said sorry for calling me a fag and that they were only joking.

My best friend said I should forgive them, I kinda want to but I'm afraid if they do so again and forcefully get me in action.
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Old November 23rd, 2017, 02:08 AM   #8
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Default Re: Should I remain friends

Sounds tough man. I've never really had any homophobic friends before but if I was gay (which I'm not and there is nothing wrong with being gay) I'd probably ask for a meaningful apology and be sure that they didn't do that again. I'm surprised that they just waved their dicks at your face as that is pretty random. But yeah good luck xD

We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender.
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Old November 23rd, 2017, 08:46 AM   #9
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Default Re: Should I remain friends

Quote:
Originally Posted by wolfbuddy View Post
Honestly I don't know how they know so much about other guys, I was just feeling uncomfortable having to hide my sexuality to them when they were discussing which girls were the best, so I opened up. I kinda did that because I wanted some attention I guess.

They've been apologizing the whole day, they told me that they're sorry for what they did and that they're perfectly fine with me being gay. They also told me that since I was gay they assumed I liked dicks to face and butt and that I told them because I was horny and wanted to get sexual. They also said sorry for calling me a fag and that they were only joking.

My best friend said I should forgive them, I kinda want to but I'm afraid if they do so again and forcefully get me in action.
Id give them the benefit of the doubt and if u sense that they
truly r sorry then u don't have to bring it up. In a way maybe they
wanted attention cause with u opening up that was a way they maybe
their feelings were made known-meaning they could like guys also.
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Old November 23rd, 2017, 08:50 AM   #10
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Default Re: Should I remain friends

Sounds like they are genuinely sorry bro, Id give them the benefit to
They made an assumption that a lotta people do, and are usually wrong
And now they know

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Old November 24th, 2017, 01:31 PM   #11
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Default Re: Should I remain friends

Well I told them that it's okay and they seem to be happy with it. I've forgiven them for their behavior and they promised to not do that again (though they said until I wish it). Still, a part of me is afraid the next time they do it, it will be against my will. Probably I'm afraid for no reason..... I hope so.
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Old November 29th, 2017, 06:39 AM   #12
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Default Re: Should I remain friends

It sounds to me like you caught them off guard with your news and they responded inappropriately as a result.

When the first one used the term 'fag,' you should have educated him on how offensive that is. This to me doesn't sound like joking that went too far, it sounds like people that took a very difficult moment for you and used it to bully you.

You know your friends better than we do. If you have been friends for a long time and you mean something to each other than I think you should give them another chance but if this becomes a reoccurring issue than you need to find new friends that are supportive of you.


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Old November 29th, 2017, 11:18 AM   #13
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Default Re: Should I remain friends

They seem to have taken it as a joke. They may be doing all of that stuff to see if you were kidding about being gay or not. I'm not trying to justify that immature and disrespectful behaviour but I'm just stating possible reasons.

As for keeping them as friends, that's your decision. Make the choice that feels right for you, but if they do it again, ditch them.

16 and Bi. Lives in the UK.

Happy to answer anyone's questions!

And to meet and chat with new people!
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Old November 29th, 2017, 11:33 AM   #14
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Default Re: Should I remain friends

You know best how you feel and if you want to continue being friends with them.

In my opinion, they were caught by surprise by what you have told them and acted like idiots because they did not know any better. They were rude and disrespectful, but may not have intended to be mean.

If you do stay friends, make sure you let them know what you consider appropriate behaviour.

Also, if any of them start doing anything (no matter how small) that makes you uncomfortable, ask them to stop before things escalate.
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Old December 4th, 2017, 11:41 AM   #15
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Default Re: Should I remain friends

Two things come to mind for me on this. First, being in Nashville and being 13, what prompted you to a) label yourself and ) come out to them? If you know you are gay that is fine but it is also YOUR business. I came out to family and close friends when I was 14 so I don't know if I'm the right one to say that, but also I didn't live in the deep south where this is much more of a concern.

Second, "FAG"....I hate that word and really feel that, even if they are supportive or you, that was a slur that I just wouldn't accept.

I do believe from what you've said they are truly sorry for what they did to you and that you should consider remaining friends, but also let them know how you feel about what is said/done to you...I doubt any of them at that time would have gone through with what they were suggesting and just were being very immature with a very sensitive topic that you brought up

I am a twin, 18 -- gay and proud. Would love to talk to all you guys in here. Very open to discuss things and like to talk to new friends.
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Old December 8th, 2017, 08:14 PM   #16
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Default Re: Should I remain friends

I'm assuming your friends are around the same age as you? They definitely went way over the top with what they said and did. I'm guessing none of them have ever had someone come out them so they reacted the way 13 yo boys are likely to react. So much at that age is about trying to deal with puberty/hormones, looking "tough" in front of your friends, and so on. Given your/their age, I'd be inclined to give them a second chance. If they were truly being mean, they likely would've spread news about you around school, but you didn't mention anything like that so I'm assuming that didn't happen. Give them a chance and see what happens.
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Old December 18th, 2017, 10:59 AM   #17
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Default

It seems like they are pretty sorry for doing it, id see what they have to say, but the final decision is yours to make

Quote:
Originally Posted by wolfbuddy View Post
Well I told them that it's okay and they seem to be happy with it. I've forgiven them for their behavior and they promised to not do that again (though they said until I wish it). Still, a part of me is afraid the next time they do it, it will be against my will. Probably I'm afraid for no reason..... I hope so.
Ah alright then, suppose its been resolved. you probably have nothing to be afraid of mate

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Last edited by Living For Love; December 20th, 2017 at 06:23 AM. Reason: Merging. Please use the "Edit" button next time.
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Old December 26th, 2017, 12:46 PM   #18
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Default Re: Should I remain friends

They sound like terrible friends, I hope you don't have to be put through that again
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Old December 27th, 2017, 04:58 AM   #19
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Default Re: Should I remain friends

Do you really need such people as friends?
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