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Old December 23rd, 2017, 10:26 PM   #1
Sevun
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Default i don't know what's wrong with me!?!

Okay so I'm just going to pour out my feelings and if any of you could give me a solution that would be fantastic!
So hello. I'm feeling the way I did last year at this time of year during the holidays and it's probably because I'm all alone and I have time to think about myself and what I want to do. Last year it was a really dark time because I couldn't focus on anything else and I had to write pages and pages of inspiration quotes and just positive advice I had found to reinforce messages and feel better. I still have these sheets of paper.

In the past couple of days, I have become more insecure about myself. I don't know what I want to do when I grow up (I'm in Year 10 next year), I don't know who I want to be, I don't know who I should be.

I've become more interested in the fashion industry and modelling recently, but I've also become more self conscious about my looks as well. This interest has sort of given me thoughts of trying out the modelling industry, because I'm not horribly looking and I do have decent bone structure, but compared to Sean O'Pry, David Gandy, Mario Adrion, Lucky Blue Smith, Francisco Lachowski, Presley Gerber... Sam Dezz (not a model but he's a bloody good looking bastard, winner of genetic lottery for sure)... they all have such attractive faces and they're all European and white. This means it's unlikely that I would have the same face shape as them considering I'm Chinese-Australian, however Peter Adrian Sudarso is has an Asian background and Jonathon Ng (EDEN) has a half Hong Kong background, and they all look so much more attractive than me. It makes me self conscious on how my looks will take me in life and how they will limit me, not to mention my voice which sounds very stereotypical of gay people and my acne ridden skin which goes against having tight, clear skin for modelling. I'm not sure if both will hinder me and restrict my opportunities.
This brings me to job opportunities. I do really well in school,
I've gotten twice at my three years at high school, and I'm aiming to achieve this result again next year in Year 10. This academic success naturally gives me a wide range of opportunities (I really don't mean to seem arrogant, but I am aware of how my academics will lead to jobs later in life)
and I don't know what to pick or choose. My friends, some struggle a bit more at school, but I'm envious considering they have a more active social life, they have a casual part-time job, they do more sports, instruments,
languages, and more importantly, they have already chosen what they want to do and are incredibly goal driven. Me? I am determined too, but I just don't know to what goal I have. I don't know what I want to do. Modelling doesn't make use much of my academics though lol so... I want to go to a good university, and I want to travel, so maybe overseas, but I know it's really expensive so I need a job etc. which I will talk about later.
I just want to be something in the eyes of the world. I want to be famous? Maybe, but more importantly, I want to leave a legacy and change the world someone like Obama has, or Naomi Campbell & Anna Wintour on the fashion industry, like Meryl Streep on the film industry, like Einstein, like Roger Federer and Serena Williams in tennis, like all these incredible pioneers and achievers. I feel like I'm meant for greater things, but I just feel so aimless with no goal for a specific passion, I have no purpose. This is what worries me, because to be great, you should have a purpose. Should I do something entrepreneurial? It takes a lot of effort to crack into such a tough industry! If I worked for a magazine as an editor or photographer or anything, that would be really awesome, but it's really hard to do that. If I worked with a designer, that would be awesome too, but again, it's really hard to crack into any industry really and I don't have the direct laser focus and commitment you need to do that, because I'm trying to keep my options open.

This spare time has given me time to explore the arts = music, TV shows, movies, books! This sounds great, but honestly I feel so overwhelmed by all the good books, series, films, song albums out there and all a little too much. It's like that feeling when you're at the ice cream shop and you can't pick what flavour, but amplified because it isn't just ice cream, it's music, TV, film and books, and because there are millions more songs, shows, movies and books than flavours of ice cream. This applies to jobs too, there are so many options! What should I do?

Furthermore, recently I've become more fixated with my childhood. Nostalgic and stuff, but it's holding me back. All I can think of is how good it was, stress free, how happy, my relationships with teachers, the classrooms, the vibrance, the play times, the recess and lunch, the playgrounds and ovals... everything. All these memories. And I want to go back! I read a Reddit post about how this one guy who was experiencing the same thing as me would happily die to live that part of his life again. What worries me is that I read is that when you listen to music, it strongly reminds you and takes you back to when you were in your formative years (12 years old to 22 years). I'm afraid I'll forget my time before that. They also said your adult, more logical brain does not emotionally connect as well to music, meaning that now is the prime time to listen to the bazillion of genres and songs and artists out there! Other Reddit threads talk about how everything seemed okay at the time, but when you look back, they were really the most awesome times of your life. I'm scared that me stuck in this cycle of nostalgia and looking back when I'm in my teens means that I won't be able to actually live right now. I would have been too busy reminiscing to have actually had experiences.

I mean this sort of has already happened. I feel like I had no childhood. In primary school, I only did tennis consistently across the years, and other times I would just come home and play Xbox, watch Youtube and watch kids shows. Man I was such a frigging loser. I refused to self defence at the time because I thought it was uncool, I quit piano, swimming and Chinese... I don't draw anymore? Back then these hobbies seemed trivial, but in the present day, they are actually important.
Now that I realise this, I want to do new sports! Swimming, volleyball, netball, badminton comps, tennis comps (I do tennis for fun, but never competitively), kickboxing, martial arts, going to the gym and working out etc.!
Combine these extracurricular activities with other hobbies such as drawing, photography, singing, instrument playing + homework and academics + sleep + reading, watching films and TV, listening to music + socialising.... It's a lot to juggle.
We have less time as we grow up, and I'm wasting the time I have now. That makes me afraid. Next year in Year 10, I should logically have even less time, considering I'm also school captain now (exciting!, but also responsibility ahahah). I regret not doing things earlier and I just feel so bad. In Year 11 and 12 and uni, I'm not sure how much I time I have left...

I don't know how to balance everything. There's also the topic of work experience, which is pretty vital. It can help me get a part time job, but I need to take time off of school to do it. Should I do it in the weeks where I have least amounts of assessment? Should I do work experience next year despite my other ambitions and responsibilities as school captain?

I have so many ambitions. I don't know what direction I'm going in. These holidays, I have 5 more weeks left.
What should I do?

Should I plan my following 5 weeks? I'm planning on going to the Australian Open to watch some tennis, and I'm also planning to arrange a La La Land medley for our school band with a couple of my musical friends. What should I do?
See a therapist?
I'm really begging for help. I'm so bogged down by these thoughts I can barely function. I don't want to spend Christmas like this! I'm currently in the state where I binge watch Youtube to escape from my fears. Ah, yeah, please do help, I really would appreciate it. Thanks for reading this far

edit: idk if i have delusions of grandeur, i just know i want to be great, i just don't know how to get there

Last edited by Sevun; December 23rd, 2017 at 11:47 PM.
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Old December 24th, 2017, 12:15 AM   #2
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Default Re: i don't know what's wrong with me!?!

So what's the thing you want to do most?
I mean there is nothing wrong with wanting to be great or famous or leave a legacy but you have to find your path there
If you have enough determination I'm sure you can make it.

But what you wanna do, that's the thing you can only figure out for yourself.
You have to find what would make you most happy and then pursue this one thing. I know it's hard and overwhelming but as long as you don't find out what you really want you won't succeed anywhere.

Sure you can do very well in different fields but nobody really is an universal genius.

And sadly finding out what THE thing for you is nobody can really help you. That's the decision you gave to make alone.

You have to find out what is more of a hobby and what you wanna spend the rest of your life with.

Like you know for me: people tell me I am a really talented musician...not in the field of hip hop like most people with my skin color... but with real music, like I play guitar and piano and I am told I have a great singing voice and so on. Combined with my "exotic" looks people think I could make a career out of it. I love music to death but still for me it's just my hobby but I wouldn't want to make a living out of it.

My real passion I want to have a career in is medicine. People keep telling me it's boring and I won't make a lot of money out of it as I could with music but that's how I want to spend my adult life.

So once you have found what you really want I don't see why you should not succeed in being famous.

But at the moment I feel you just overthink it snd you doo too many different things at the same time. Get a break... get quiet and don't stress and maybe then your heart or your gut feeling or whatever you wanna call it tells you what you really want and need.

I hope I didn't hurt your feelings with my answer... I know I am sometimes kinda clumsy here and you don't think my answer is too stupid.

Last edited by Dalcourt; December 24th, 2017 at 06:32 AM.
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Old December 24th, 2017, 12:31 AM   #3
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Default Re: i don't know what's wrong with me!?!

Tbh you actually seem like you got a lot more figured red out than you feel you do I think
Not sure anyone told you but I donít think your expected to know all about what you want etc for,your future right now
Besides even if you feel you do itíll probably change a lot
Myndad told me most people who go to college donít even get a career job in the field they studied.

Anyways Iíd just follow,stuff younlike and enjoy. If itís not fun donít do it. Extra circular (sp) is fun to. Just donít over do it. And that may be whatís happening if youíre understanding not have enough down time

Giving great advice and inspirational stuff is good. But also that advice has a theme right?
Do you liven your life by that theme?

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Old December 24th, 2017, 01:49 AM   #4
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Default Re: i don't know what's wrong with me!?!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dalcourt View Post
So what's the thing you want to do most?
I mean there is nothing wrong with wanting to be great or famous or leave a legacy but you have to find your path there
If you have enough determination I'm sure you can make it.

But what you wanna do, that's the thing you can only figure out for yourself.
You have to find what would make you most happy and then pursue this one thing. I know it's hard and overwhelming but as long as you don't find out what you really want you won't succeed anywhere.

Sure you can do very well in different fields but nobody really is an universal genius.

And sadly finding out what THE thing for you is nobody can really help you. That's the decision you gave to make alone.

You have to find out what is more of a hobby and what you wanna spend the rest of your life with.

Like you know for me: people tell me I am a really talented musician...not in the field of hip hop like most people with my skin color... but with real music, like I play guitar and piano and I am told I have a great singing voice and so on. Combined with my "exotic" looks people think I could make a career out of it. I love music to death but still for me it's just my hobby but I wouldn't want to make a living out of it.

My real passion I want to have a career in is medicine. People keep telling me it's boring and I won't make a lot of money out of it as I could with music but that's how I want to spend my adult life.

So once you have found what you really want I don't see why you should not succeed in being famous.

But at the moment I feel you just overthink it snd you doo too many different things at the same time. Get a break... get quiet and don't stress and maybe then your heart or your gut feeling or whatever you wanna call it tells you what you really want and need.

I hope I didn't hurt your feelings with my answer... I know I am sometimes kinfmda clumsy here and you don't think my answer is too stupid.
Hmm, thank you very much for the response. Are you new around here? I've never seen you? Or do moderators/admins get assigned a specific forum?

Yeah, so thanks. No it's okay, you didn't really hurt my feelings, maybe I do need a break to find what I want to do. I do tend to overthink things, but, I really do feel overwhelmed and emotional. My only problem is that to discover my hobbies, I need to do them quickly before I have less time in the future. I feel like I missed out on a typical childhood and I didn't explore my opportunities as much. Should I just... do it?

Also, would talking to a teacher or expert work?
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Old December 24th, 2017, 05:24 AM   #5
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Tbh you actually seem like you got a lot more figured red out than you feel you do I think
Not sure anyone told you but I don’t think your expected to know all about what you want etc for,your future right now
Besides even if you feel you do it’ll probably change a lot
Myndad told me most people who go to college don’t even get a career job in the field they studied.

Anyways I’d just follow,stuff younlike and enjoy. If it’s not fun don’t do it. Extra circular (sp) is fun to. Just don’t over do it. And that may be what’s happening if you’re understanding not have enough down time

Giving great advice and inspirational stuff is good. But also that advice has a theme right?
Do you liven your life by that theme?
Thank you. I'm just really overwhelmed by this. I really need to explore my extracurricular activities because I haven't done many... What do you mean by your last two sentences?
Thanks for the advice, again!




Also, I'm also afraid of missing out on a childhood by being in this state

Last edited by Sevun; December 24th, 2017 at 05:56 AM.
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Old December 24th, 2017, 06:48 AM   #6
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Default Re: i don't know what's wrong with me!?!

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Hmm, thank you very much for the response. Are you new around here? I've never seen you? Or do moderators/admins get assigned a specific forum?

Yeah, so thanks. No it's okay, you didn't really hurt my feelings, maybe I do need a break to find what I want to do. I do tend to overthink things, but, I really do feel overwhelmed and emotional. My only problem is that to discover my hobbies, I need to do them quickly before I have less time in the future. I feel like I missed out on a typical childhood and I didn't explore my opportunities as much. Should I just... do it?

Also, would talking to a teacher or expert work?

Lol, I'm not new at all...I'm just not really posting much at the moment except as a mod. And yeah mods are assigned to specific forums I'm a Help & Advice forums mod. Anyway back on topic... I guess talking to a teacher about career options wouldn't be that bad. I'm not sure how it works outside the USA but we have school counselors that could help you with that sort of things...like give infos about certain colleges/ universities and so on.

Sure you have to explore your hobbies and all yourself but the missing out on your childhood and things like that. I feel like this is a lot you carry around on your mind and maybe talking to a professional about it could be helpful.
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Old December 24th, 2017, 06:26 PM   #7
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Lol, I'm not new at all...I'm just not really posting much at the moment except as a mod. And yeah mods are assigned to specific forums I'm a Help & Advice forums mod. Anyway back on topic... I guess talking to a teacher about career options wouldn't be that bad. I'm not sure how it works outside the USA but we have school counselors that could help you with that sort of things...like give infos about certain colleges/ universities and so on.

Sure you have to explore your hobbies and all yourself but the missing out on your childhood and things like that. I feel like this is a lot you carry around on your mind and maybe talking to a professional about it could be helpful.
Ahaha yeah that's probably why I haven't seen you around much, I rarely go on this part of VirtualTeen lol. You're cool!
Anyway, ok I will see if I can get in touch with someone at my school. I don't know if talking about my feelings to them will sound frivolous coming out of my own mouth though, maybe that's a sign that when I read them out loud, I'll realise they're unrealistic or something. I hope not :p


My other concern is that what happens if I follow my passion but I realise it's not what I wanted and then I'm back at square 1? And that I'll have to be an adult and never have that sweet innocence of being a child. I am struggling to find the positives of being an adult because I feel like childhood is better in every single aspect. I'm honestly suffering my quarter-life crisis 10 years premature *sigh*

I also have this weird craving for kids TV shows? Is that normal? I think it's me being nostalgic and sht but I get immense joy whenever I see a kids show, even if it's a new one I've never seen before. Same applies to books. I really wish I was born in the 1990s to experience all the rock bands and stuff sigh they make really good nostalgic songs

Dalcourt and JT, how do you create the "Cabin on the Bayou" and "This Thing I Call My Life" and the "AMA" thing? they seem like good ways to write about your life and discuss it with people

Last edited by Sevun; December 24th, 2017 at 08:33 PM. Reason: added info and corrected spelling mistake
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Old December 24th, 2017, 09:31 PM   #8
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Thank you. I'm just really overwhelmed by this. I really need to explore my extracurricular activities because I haven't done many... What do you mean by your last two sentences?
Thanks for the advice, again!




Also, I'm also afraid of missing out on a childhood by being in this state
Meaning that you giving good advice is something you should do for yourself also. Not just giving it but applying it to your own life also

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Old December 24th, 2017, 10:12 PM   #9
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Meaning that you giving good advice is something you should do for yourself also. Not just giving it but applying it to your own life also
Oh aha, thanks. I've never really been one to live by what I preach, but I guess it's something I could do more often.

Yeah, I'm just not the type of person who's going to have a wild phase and I feel like I would miss out if I don't have one, but I will suffer the consequences if I do. I mean, it's not necessarily bad, it's just different, and different is okay. Wild phases is just what they portray in films and YA books though so yeh that's what I'm currently thinking, and that's a lot more positive to what I was thinking yesterday.

I'm suffering my quarter-life crisis 10 years premature but hopefully I'll find a way and be ok. Don't be afraid to chat, I'm open to every experience and opinion!
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Old December 24th, 2017, 10:49 PM   #10
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Oh aha, thanks. I've never really been one to live by what I preach, but I guess it's something I could do more often.

Yeah, I'm just not the type of person who's going to have a wild phase and I feel like I would miss out if I don't have one, but I will suffer the consequences if I do. I mean, it's not necessarily bad, it's just different, and different is okay. Wild phases is just what they portray in films and YA books though so yeh that's what I'm currently thinking, and that's a lot more positive to what I was thinking yesterday.

I get what your saying. I have a wild phase at least once a week. Usually either Friday or Saturday night and involves something o drink or smoke lol!!
But extra circular activities like you mentioned are good....keep busy....youíll meet new Friends with common interests. Itíll just happen naturally.

Just take it one day at a time ok? And try and keep busy doing thing you enjoy.

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Old December 24th, 2017, 11:59 PM   #11
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Ahaha yeah that's probably why I haven't seen you around much, I rarely go on this part of VirtualTeen lol. You're cool!
Anyway, ok I will see if I can get in touch with someone at my school. I don't know if talking about my feelings to them will sound frivolous coming out of my own mouth though, maybe that's a sign that when I read them out loud, I'll realise they're unrealistic or something. I hope not :p
Talking about one's own feelings often kinda feels strange in the beginning so don't worry. It's like that for everyone.

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My other concern is that what happens if I follow my passion but I realise it's not what I wanted and then I'm back at square 1? And that I'll have to be an adult and never have that sweet innocence of being a child. I am struggling to find the positives of being an adult because I feel like childhood is better in every single aspect. I'm honestly suffering my quarter-life crisis 10 years premature *sigh*
Well, trial and error that's a huge part of growing up.
So if you do something and find it is not what you wanted, you stop and do the next thing guess that's how life works for everyone.
I dunno who old you are exactly but I think getting feelings like that at certain ages even before your 40s is sorta normal. I feel this always happens when you are on some sort of important point in your life. I had a lot of thoughts like that this year, too. Like what to do with my life after highschool and all.

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I also have this weird craving for kids TV shows? Is that normal? I think it's me being nostalgic and sht but I get immense joy whenever I see a kids show, even if it's a new one I've never seen before. Same applies to books. I really wish I was born in the 1990s to experience all the rock bands and stuff sigh they make really good nostalgic songs
I watch a lot of kids shows old and new...People often say I come off as quite mature when they talk to me but honestly I enjoy kids stuff a lot and I'm still a kid at heart I guess. I don't see anything wrong with it. ... But yeah that's just me.

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Dalcourt and JT, how do you create the "Cabin on the Bayou" and "This Thing I Call My Life" and the "AMA" thing? they seem like good ways to write about your life and discuss it with people
I explained that in a visitor message since I don't want to get off topic too much.
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Old December 25th, 2017, 07:31 AM   #12
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Ah thank you both for being so helpful! You guys have made VT a more inviting and supportive experience, and I have a sense I can trust you even though I don't even know if you're real or not lol, you guys are awesome!

I have a bunch of notes that I wrote last year when I was feeling in the same mood, so I'll check them out. I have 90% of my worry left, but that's better than before, and I've been thinking here and there of what I want to do. Slowly , slowly, slowly, it is getting clearer.

I'm suffering my quarter-life crisis 10 years premature but hopefully I'll find a way and be ok. Don't be afraid to chat, I'm open to every experience and opinion!
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Old December 26th, 2017, 08:40 PM   #13
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Ah thank you both for being so helpful! You guys have made VT a more inviting and supportive experience, and I have a sense I can trust you even though I don't even know if you're real or not lol, you guys are awesome!

I have a bunch of notes that I wrote last year when I was feeling in the same mood, so I'll check them out. I have 90% of my worry left, but that's better than before, and I've been thinking here and there of what I want to do. Slowly , slowly, slowly, it is getting clearer.
Hey mate youre alright, if you ever want to xhat, im open

Just a person who loves to play and watch sports.

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Old December 27th, 2017, 07:06 PM   #14
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Hey mate youre alright, if you ever want to xhat, im open
Thanks man.

I;ve been feeling better lately, I have this huge checklist of thoughts that I have conjured up in my mind and slowly I'm going onto google and checking them off. It's like that feeling when you delete a bunch of tabs you don't need anymore that were on your laptop for over a week. Update you soon

edit: I have made some documents. Each one talks about movies, or books, or songs or TV shows, and on each document, I just write down every single movie/book/song/TV show relevant to the specific document from my childhood that I remember and enjoy This is helping me remember my childhood and helps me process my nostalgia

I'm suffering my quarter-life crisis 10 years premature but hopefully I'll find a way and be ok. Don't be afraid to chat, I'm open to every experience and opinion!

Last edited by Sevun; December 27th, 2017 at 07:30 PM.
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Old December 27th, 2017, 07:10 PM   #15
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Thanks man.

I;ve been feeling better lately, I have this huge checklist of thoughts that I have conjured up in my mind and slowly I'm going onto google and checking them off. It's like that feeling when you delete a bunch of tabs you don't need anymore that were on your laptop for over a week. Update you soon
Hey mate, we can chat anytime, have you Google hangouts or Yahoo messenger?

Just a person who loves to play and watch sports.

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Old December 28th, 2017, 02:57 AM   #16
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Update: I've found out that my disappointment may be because of my ridiculously high expectations, but I've always thought that to create big change, you should have big goals. But yeah, like I said, Caitlin Figueiredo, she already has created huge change at 21, and I wanted to be there as well. It sort of sucks that I don't know how to start to get there, what I need to do, who I need to talk to etc. I just feel like I should've chosen my passion by now if I wanted to create waves in the world.
I wish I just wanted to live an average joe life, or that I knew my passion! If I knew my passion and I didn't even care if I did well or if I did do well, that would be so good. I'm only 15, but I already feel so under pressure

I'm suffering my quarter-life crisis 10 years premature but hopefully I'll find a way and be ok. Don't be afraid to chat, I'm open to every experience and opinion!
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Old December 29th, 2017, 09:39 PM   #17
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Default Re: i don't know what's wrong with me!?!

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1. Could someone please tell me how to deal with high expectations, whether they're a good thing, whether I should keep them? I read somewhere it's good to have high expectations, but don't expect exact outcomes, focus on the general sense of achievement you get etc.
2. HOW DOES EVERYONE BALANCE THEIR DAILY LIFE (social life, family, homework, extracurricular stuff, jobs, running a support group, a charity etc.)

I'm suffering my quarter-life crisis 10 years premature but hopefully I'll find a way and be ok. Don't be afraid to chat, I'm open to every experience and opinion!
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Old January 1st, 2018, 06:34 AM   #18
Sevun
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Default Re: i don't know what's wrong with me!?!

update: sorry for all this posting in a row
I still would like a response to the above two questions:
1. Could someone please tell me how to deal with high expectations, whether they're a good thing, whether I should keep them? I read somewhere it's good to have high expectations, but don't expect exact outcomes, focus on the general sense of achievement you get etc.
2. HOW DOES EVERYONE BALANCE THEIR DAILY LIFE (social life, family, homework, extracurricular stuff, jobs, running a support group, a charity etc.)



However, currently I feel rather shit. I've come to terms with myself that I don't really fit what people look for in models, and it's hit me rather hard. I found it so appealing because they travel, they get money, they get amazing clothes, the fame, the publicity, the carefree life, this job actually acknowledges that they're good looking! However, I'm not good looking, and it's really made me quite bloody insecure. I'm emailing my ortho if he specialises in this dental thing i found online which pushes your cheekbones forward which makes you more attractive, but idk, i'm just so bloody insecure because i don't look like anyone in my family or any of my friends. my skin is so bad, and i've picked it a lot so there are so many visible pores, and it's all my fault, when my mum gave me such good skin when I was younger and now it's all gone to waste
i honestly don't know what i want to do and i've been faking it I guess sorry, just trying to find a passion or direction and posting that on this forum, but really idk what the hell i'm trying to say, like wtf was i thinking?! i have an asymmetrical face, my face is rather long but not forward, one of my eyes is bigger than the other liek wtf (this is for me specifically, not me being angry at my race, there are plenty of gorgeous Asian models).
i used to want a job that would give me recognition in my field but also outside my field, but then i read articles saying that wanting fame is because you want attention, and it lessens as you grow older, and that it often stems from a lack of attention in your childhood, which is so true, because whilst i'm the top in my year for academics, i almost never, i repeat never, get rewards or praise from my parents, which often leads me to working harder and trying to better myself. whilst that is beneficial, it has also led to this lol. and so now i'm thinking what am i passionate about, and honestly, i can't find a single thing that i'm passionate about. fashion industry has become less appealing, so does everything else. it seems like so much work to get there. so much stress. i'm not sure if i'm cut out for that. if I was like an uncertified yoga motivational speaker, that would be so much easier. freedom to lay around do nothing, not an intensive job... it doesn't make use of my talents but i'd be happy. but not challenged, and maybe i'll just feel too comfortable if you know what I mean. i'm just done with life and lowkey want to dropout of school despite my academic record, and i feel so done. so shit. and, ... just... i can't deal with this
i can't stop comparing myself too

I'm suffering my quarter-life crisis 10 years premature but hopefully I'll find a way and be ok. Don't be afraid to chat, I'm open to every experience and opinion!

Last edited by Sevun; January 1st, 2018 at 08:24 AM.
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Old January 3rd, 2018, 05:22 PM   #19
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Default Re: i don't know what's wrong with me!?!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sevun View Post
update: sorry for all this posting in a row
I still would like a response to the above two questions:
1. Could someone please tell me how to deal with high expectations, whether they're a good thing, whether I should keep them? I read somewhere it's good to have high expectations, but don't expect exact outcomes, focus on the general sense of achievement you get etc.
2. HOW DOES EVERYONE BALANCE THEIR DAILY LIFE (social life, family, homework, extracurricular stuff, jobs, running a support group, a charity etc.)



However, currently I feel rather shit. I've come to terms with myself that I don't really fit what people look for in models, and it's hit me rather hard. I found it so appealing because they travel, they get money, they get amazing clothes, the fame, the publicity, the carefree life, this job actually acknowledges that they're good looking! However, I'm not good looking, and it's really made me quite bloody insecure. I'm emailing my ortho if he specialises in this dental thing i found online which pushes your cheekbones forward which makes you more attractive, but idk, i'm just so bloody insecure because i don't look like anyone in my family or any of my friends. my skin is so bad, and i've picked it a lot so there are so many visible pores, and it's all my fault, when my mum gave me such good skin when I was younger and now it's all gone to waste
i honestly don't know what i want to do and i've been faking it I guess sorry, just trying to find a passion or direction and posting that on this forum, but really idk what the hell i'm trying to say, like wtf was i thinking?! i have an asymmetrical face, my face is rather long but not forward, one of my eyes is bigger than the other liek wtf (this is for me specifically, not me being angry at my race, there are plenty of gorgeous Asian models).
i used to want a job that would give me recognition in my field but also outside my field, but then i read articles saying that wanting fame is because you want attention, and it lessens as you grow older, and that it often stems from a lack of attention in your childhood, which is so true, because whilst i'm the top in my year for academics, i almost never, i repeat never, get rewards or praise from my parents, which often leads me to working harder and trying to better myself. whilst that is beneficial, it has also led to this lol. and so now i'm thinking what am i passionate about, and honestly, i can't find a single thing that i'm passionate about. fashion industry has become less appealing, so does everything else. it seems like so much work to get there. so much stress. i'm not sure if i'm cut out for that. if I was like an uncertified yoga motivational speaker, that would be so much easier. freedom to lay around do nothing, not an intensive job... it doesn't make use of my talents but i'd be happy. but not challenged, and maybe i'll just feel too comfortable if you know what I mean. i'm just done with life and lowkey want to dropout of school despite my academic record, and i feel so done. so shit. and, ... just... i can't deal with this
i can't stop comparing myself too
Mate you need to hang in there, just take life one day at a time and soon enough all your hard work will pay off, seriously i mean it.

Just a person who loves to play and watch sports.

Ravioli Ravioli Give Me the Formuoli
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Old January 3rd, 2018, 05:30 PM   #20
Sevun
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Default Re: i don't know what's wrong with me!?!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fritz View Post
Mate you need to hang in there, just take life one day at a time and soon enough all your hard work will pay off, seriously i mean it.
that sounds a lot easier than it looks

I'm suffering my quarter-life crisis 10 years premature but hopefully I'll find a way and be ok. Don't be afraid to chat, I'm open to every experience and opinion!
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