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Old October 31st, 2017, 03:58 PM   #1
nebula's Forum Picture
Name: shay
Join Date: December 3, 2015
Age: 17
Gender: Female
Default I need help, but I don't want to get it

I know one fact: I'm really ill, mentally. Many of you probably know this too. Many, many posts about my instability and hatred for life has been heavily documented and posted on this site. Currently it feels like I have no light at the end of my tunnel. The only person IRL who truly knows the extent of what's going on with me mentally is my girlfriend, and she's struggling really hard and she doesn't know what else to do. She wants me to get help but I just refuse to help myself. I keep thinking, what if my family find out? what if the doctors just want to give me therapy? i don't want therapy. i don't have time for therapy. None of my family actually see this side of me, like at all: they always just call me a moody teenager which doesn't really help things. I feel the need to constantly fake in front of them 24/7, it's even harder with my dad because I still have way too much pressure on myself to come out. But I digress. I don't want to get help myself. The initial conversation with a doctor sounds way too difficult and I really don't feel comfortable talking to them about it. What can I do? Any help appreciated really.

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Old October 31st, 2017, 04:58 PM   #2
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Name: JT
Join Date: June 27, 2015
Location: Kingdom of God
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Default Re: I need help, but I don't want to get it

Have a few thoughts
Your health needs to be the highest priority in your life. So male time for therapy. Therapy sucks but it works. And it might be that it works with some meds that stave off some of the symptoms a bit. At least for a little while

As far as talking to a therapist or Dr?

Your Dr probably won’t need much details to make a referral if yi7 simply ask for one.
Do you keep a journal?
If you do maybe share that or parts of it that are pertinent with your therapist, no words, let them make the first verbal attempt at talking about stuff

Don’t have a journal?
Start one, a journal of those thoughts you feel you can’t share with anyone. Then all you need to do is hand it to someone. They’ll reap it and understand

Your family, dude I’m pretty sure they’d wana know more about this. Let them in, they love you. Parents don’t (typically) want their own kids to suffer, they wana be able to help. Show them your journal.

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Old October 31st, 2017, 07:23 PM   #3
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Default Re: I need help, but I don't want to get it

I'm in a pretty similar position. My situation might not be as difficult as yours, because I live in a different country and I am legally considered an adult here, but I really, really like my general physician. I can't tell you why, but she just hit all the right things for me. She's a lovely woman. And when she started generally asking me about some warning signs for depression, I couldn't lie to her. But therapy is/was also not an option for me, nor is/was my parents finding out. So she prescribed me fluoxetine (Prozac), which my medical insurance covers (albeit of course with a small co-pay). I'm capable of getting that prescription filled, paying for it, and managing it all independently without anyone's help or knowledge save for those involved in the prescription itself.

If you think that might be a possibility for you, I'd encourage you to talk to your general physician. They'll recommend but not require therapy, but they can definitely prescribe you something if you think medication might work for you - at least, in the U.S.

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Old October 31st, 2017, 11:59 PM   #4
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Name: Peanut
Join Date: February 25, 2014
Location: Crescent City
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Default Re: I need help, but I don't want to get it

As Elysium I'm in the US and things work different here but getting information or a prescription from your general physician should be possible elsewhere, too.

I'm not sure about what your health insurance covers, for me the greatest issue usually is not having time or my family but money issues.
You shouldn't think I have no time for therapy or I don't want others to know about JT said health should be your top priority. You have problems and they won't go away on their own, sadly.

If therapy or meds work better for you... it's different for everyone, so you should give both a chance I would say.

But now the most important and most inconvenient part:
I understand that this initial conversation and ask for help is the most difficult thing to do. I admit I never had to do it since I was way too young when my mental problems started so this was basically done for me.
I hate the feeling of having to get help I always feel stupid and like a whiny lil kid.
But the first step is already done when you can admit to yourself you need help.

I dunno about you, but I always imagine important conversations in your head days or even weeks before I have them. I play out hundreds of scenarios what I say, what the other says I overthink it and make myself crazy. And the more I do, the more I'm unwilling to go there, have this conversation and find excuses for myself not to do it.

So I try to trick myself into doing those things more spontaneous. It doesn't always work and I often make a fool of myself in the process but in the end it works better than thinking too much.

Therefore I feel like the general physician is a good start you don't need appointments so long ahead but can go there spontaneous. Just talk about what troubles you without thinking (sounds worse than. it is) and look where it takes you.

Once you have done this initial step it will getting easier,believe me.
It is hard but it is worth get the help although you don't want to.
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Old November 5th, 2017, 12:15 AM   #5
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Join Date: January 8, 2012
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Default Re: I need help, but I don't want to get it

This is a bit intense, and important.

But ... @Just JT is right on two points:
"Therapy sucks but it works", and a journal is really important, even if you hate the idea of making one. It is also an easy non-verbal way to 'talk' to your therapist.

I have to agree with @Elysium as well, that if you can get meds from your doctor that work for this situation, and can manage them yourself, then do it. I am not generally a person who likes the idea of meds, but I know that they can help, and if they control the situation, then they are a good choice.
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Old January 4th, 2018, 12:53 AM   #6
Join Date: January 2, 2018
Location: Los Angeles
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Default Re: I need help, but I don't want to get it

You have a whole community that can help you right here! Never be afraid
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