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Old August 29th, 2017, 08:42 AM   #1
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Name: Kieran
Join Date: November 11, 2011
Location: England
Age: 22
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Blog Entries: 468
Default A lot of questions needing answers

I'm sorry i don't think this will be in the right forum/thread but I'm just lost and confused haha

Things have been getting worse and worse between my family and i, on Sunday we got into a very volatile fight, mainly between my sister and i, a friend got me out of the house on Monday, then yet again today we got into another fight but this is where my confusion comes where to post this, and many things will be stated and many questions will pop up.

So for quite a few years now my sister has physically assaulted me on multiple ocassions and no matter what i do she tries to fight me, I'm actively avoiding her and doing whatever she asks by this point, I've even baked food specially for her, all to keep things calm, but she just keeps coming for me, but she's very deluded and hypocritcal, also very violent, so she's been saying how i keep attacking her, i make her life miserable, I'm a psychopath, violent, i need to be sectioned, all these hurtful things that she should be saying about herself, and i never fight back, i just walk away, but today i snapped

But, this is where I'm struggling, while we got into a fight all of a sudden i was aware of my voice, and while arguing and pointing out all these pieces of evidence about how she's wrong and is completely backwards in her thinking, my mouth was doing all of this but my brain was just stuck wondering who was talking, as the voice wasn't mine, the energy from it was not mine, i couldn't stop it or control what it was saying, it was like i was a passanger to my own actions and body, i have no idea what any of that was

But yes this is the second fight now in 3 days, and like i said I've always been silent and without getting into it, I've had to deal with some pretty rough things from my family from a very long time now, but I've just reached this point where I'm constantly angry, i just wanna scream at people, even hurt them, my body twitches uncontrollably, i say things with no control over it, i think dark things, i get these intense emotions and once I'm done it's like it was all a dream, i feel exhausted and i just break out crying, but i can't stop it

So mentally I'm a mess right now and am just not in control of myself, my anxiety and depression have gone off the radar, my insomnia is playing up insanely badly, I'm getting these severe anger issues, i no longer feel in control of myself or my life, break downs are becoming frequent, I've had multiple days these past few months where nothing feels real, i feel like eveyrone is robots trying to trick me, I'm in a new dimension, replaced a different me, a me that failed and they're trying again, i get super panicked and freaked out and it only goes back to normal once i sleep

But most importantly, i need to leave, i can't be here any more, it's only getting worse and worse, their mistreatment and neglect of me is only getting worse, their abuse is only getting worse, but i have no money, i can't get into work any time soon, i have no where to go, i only have one friend in real life who i can't live with, i have literally nothing, another thing that's holding me back though is my cat, she's legally signed under my mums name, but my family have stated themselves they know she loves me more than anyone, we need each other as much as each other, I'm literally the only one who takes care of her, she's like my therapy animal and my source of mental stability, mentally and physically i couldn't be without her, but i know my family will try to keep her and take her from me, but Roxy needs me, and she'd only be mistreated, neglected and become over weight and miserable if she stayed with them, i can't leave without her even if i found a way to escape

I'm sorry if this has been a mess, i just don't know what to do any more, my mental health is only getting worse and worse, i have nothing and no where to go, i don't know what to do with Roxy, they're killing me, they're destroying every aspect of me, they make every day hell and that i wish i could just end it all, I've suffered for so long but i can't do it any more, I'm broken and exhausted, i just need to escape, i need help
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Old September 4th, 2017, 03:37 PM   #2
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Name: Jamie
Join Date: June 27, 2016
Location: Minnesota
Age: 20
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 2
Default Re: A lot of questions needing answers

Does your sister do the things she does to you to your family, her friends, your friends? I think you should go to social services and get help for yourself. You are 21 and an adult in all aspects but I think they will somehow help you get away from your family and that environment. That is the first and most important step. Then maybe you or with help from social services your sister and the rest of your family can get help. You all are obviously very dysfunctional. I hope you can get help. Please try.

I am gay and happy with that.
I love talking to people very open & willing to listen.
I am also glad to try help with questions or problems.
Hit me up for anything. I promise I don't bite.
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