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Old August 2nd, 2017, 01:56 AM   #1
WhoWhatWhen's Forum Picture
Join Date: June 17, 2016
Location: USA
Age: 16
Gender: Female
Blog Entries: 1
Default A poem by me (not sure what to call it)

Things I've been thinking about lately in a poem. Please give me constructive criticism!

Her words are made of soda and smoked weed,
all the things she cannot keep for long.
The way she said she loved me,
but she fell through my hand.

My cold nose on our December walk,
through our midnight thoughts she swam in my affection,
she begged for it.
I still don't understand.

She made my heart feel like I needed her sticky fingers
to keep my heartstrings dancing.
My excuses only last so long before your sugary words fall through and your incorrect grammar fights back.

I was never yours. I will never be yours.

You cannot disconnect my brain with false hope and incorrect results.
I am not your healthy solution that you crave to break your bad habit of coating your problems in gasoline and setting them on fire to get rid of them, only to have them blow up in your face.

I will not be the honey that coats your life in a sweet, golden-brown, sticky first impression,
only to drag in anyone who is pleased with the smell.

Months ago, my veins turned cold thinking of a world without you.
But it's funny how a world can change.

Be young. Be dope. Be proud.
WhoWhatWhen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old August 4th, 2017, 04:47 PM   #2
Junior Member+
Name: Cooper Strait
Join Date: February 6, 2016
Location: Texas
Age: 18
Gender: Male
Default Re: A poem by me (not sure what to call it)

Wow! Well done.

How about titling it, "I's Funny How a World Can Change"
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cleancut is offline   Reply With Quote

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