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Old June 17th, 2017, 08:15 PM   #1
Alex2003
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Default My friend sexually abused by his father

Hey!
So I've known [Chris] for 3 years now. He's 13 years old now and he's like one month older than me. I was 10 when I met him. After several months, he started talking to me about his father. He told me that everytime his father was mad at him, he would start screaming and breaking things in the house. Then he would tell him "Go to my bedroom I'm gonna teach you a lesson you'll never forget". He tells him to take his clothes and underwear off, he ties his hands and legs and then... He rapes him. Chris described it to me as "The worse feeling you could ever imagine". He starts to slap him and really really hurts him. Then when he's done, he locks the bedroom door and leaves him alone crying and screaming for hours. His mom died when was 3 years old.

I asked him why he won't tell the police about that. He told me "I just can't. I'm afraid of my dad. I can't talk to anybody about this so please keep it a secret."

I don't know when this started to happen but I think he was between 6 and 8 years old. I want to help him and I feel really sad for him. He's such a good friend and he's done many things for me. I don't want to do anything without him knowing so please if someone knows how to solve his problem reply quickly.

Thank you for your help
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Old June 19th, 2017, 04:44 AM   #2
AusRD
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Default Re: My friend sexually abused by his father

Hey Alex,

First of all, my deepest sympathies for your friend. The main factor in your situation is trust - he obviously trusts you enough as to tell you about this - so it is important that you respect his wishes to keep it a secret, do not report it to police, do not try and 'fix it' for him - yet. Else you lose his trust and he will be worse off.

With that said, it is also very important that you support him. At this stage it's the little things that count, when you are together ask him what he needs right now etc. Moving on from that, you must refer him to the right place. Google search your government rape crisis hotline or similar and tell him about it.

If he still does not seek help it may be time to seek help from somewhere else, a teacher, maybe your parents, the police, a fireman - anyone in the emergency services, they are legally obligated to report it.

I really hope that I have provided some insight into what you can do to help. Remember, that supporting your friend is one of the most powerful things you can do at this point in time.

I wish you both all the best,
- AusRD
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Old June 19th, 2017, 02:58 PM   #3
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Thank you so much AusRD, this was really helpful. I won't try to do anything without his approval, but I'll do my best to help him.
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Old June 19th, 2017, 03:18 PM   #4
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Default Re: My friend sexually abused by his father

Ok but there's a point that promises need to be ignored and his safety needs to be taken into consideration. This has been going on for years. He put this baggage on you. I honestly feel that you should tell somebody. It seems like he is only telling you not to tell anybody out of fear for what his father would do.
It's a tough situation and difficult that he brought you into it. But now that he said it, you are involved. You don't want something bad to happen and then always wish you had done something sooner. Your friend may be mad that you 'betrayed' him, but it is with his best interests in mind.

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Old June 21st, 2017, 11:52 AM   #5
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Default Re: My friend sexually abused by his father

I would just keep him close and see if he needs anything. With something like this a close friend could be the best thing for that person. Do what you feel is best, but try not to do anything that would put him in harm's way. But most of all, keep him close and make sure nothing bad happens to him. Once you get the opportunity to tell someone, and it won't put him in trouble, tell someone of authority. I do wish that this situation gets better.

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Old June 21st, 2017, 03:25 PM   #6
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Default Re: My friend sexually abused by his father

This is some serious stuff man, and I'm in complete agreement with @refrigeratorx. He's a close friend yeah, and he confided in you and someone he can trust. I get that, trust me I totally get that. He's going through a living hell most of us won't ever understand.

He obviously knows what's right and wrong, and knows this is wrong, and need someone to talk to. And he's probably feeling like he needs help, and he does.

You being his friend, he confided in you. And imo not so he can just get shit off his chest, he's leaning on you. This kinda abuse isn't something that's casual and like Really ready to talk about, it's painful, and you relive every single instance you go through when you talk about it. And talking about it with someone our age....well it's good and all, but he needs more than that.

And I don't think he knows where else To turn, in short, and as much as he may say no to this, I think he wants you to tell him about it, or help him to get him to tell someone who will do something about it.

That might mean you betray him, even if it seem like it's bad and wrong. As a friend, you need to stand beside him, and stand up for him, and not leave him.

He may say he'll hate you forever for doing that, but he'll get it and understand you did the right thing in time, once he knows he's safe, and protected from his abuser.

Your Ina really hard place, I get it, but you have to make a really adult and mature stance here bro, and make a difference in his life. He won't, and it will only get worse. Like when his dad starts bringing some of his friends around.

Yeah, now that's real fun, hate to sound so sarcastic, just speaking from my own experiences of abusive relatives. And I wish I had a friend that woulda stood up and beside me the way a friend should.

Do the right thing by him ok?
Tell your parents, start there. Sexual abuse imo is the absolutely worst abuse I can think of. It blends all the types of abuse together into one. And you have a chance to break that chain.
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Old August 10th, 2017, 04:22 AM   #7
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Default Re: My friend sexually abused by his father

This is absolutly horrible! It was a brave and noble thing to do by sharing his story on here, but this needs to be taken further! If he's so insistent on not reporting it, you need to either do it yourself or just be there for him no matter what.

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Old August 13th, 2017, 09:52 PM   #8
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Default Re: My friend sexually abused by his father

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This is absolutly horrible! It was a brave and noble thing to do by sharing his story on here, but this needs to be taken further! If he's so insistent on not reporting it, you need to either do it yourself or just be there for him no matter what.
I sometimes wonder in threads like this if the OP is chris. And is looking for help for himself, and don't know how
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Old August 21st, 2017, 05:19 PM   #9
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Default Re: My friend sexually abused by his father

This a horrible terrible thing that is going on. It puts a real burden on your shoulders. I think that you should talk to him and urge him to get help. Maybe you can talk him into talking with your parents. Maybe they would help provide a safe place for him in your home. After reporting this to the police social services will take him away from his dad and place him in foster care. Unless your parents would be kind enough to volunteer a place for him. His dad will more than likely go to prison for several years so he will probably end up living with a relative like grandparent or uncle or aunt. This definitely needs to be reported and stopped and the sooner the better. I see no other way around this. Keeping a blind eye and deaf ears won't work. This is serious enough that his father could actually kill him.

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Old August 27th, 2017, 06:28 PM   #10
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Default Re: My friend sexually abused by his father

Please keep us updated on what happens, you can email me if you want some personal advice but if I was aware of this going on at the age of your friend I think I'd talk to my parents and then police. Obviously you want to check your friend is okay and wants you to intervene and help out otherwise as good as you intend it might cause some friction. Please email me if you need any help or just want to talk to someone about what's going on.
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Old August 27th, 2017, 06:32 PM   #11
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Default Re: My friend sexually abused by his father

got to go to the police. I know you promised you would never tell but sometimes being a friend means you have to do what is best for them. as others have mentioned, his father could end up killing your friend. I know what would tear you up inside (although it of course wouldn't be your fault). he needs to get some help. tell your parents, tell, someone who can help your friend get to somewhere safe and that psychotic dad of his somewhere where he is not going to hurt anyone else. even if your friend is mad, if it ends up saving his life, saves him from being raped again, then it is worth it.

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Old August 27th, 2017, 07:35 PM   #12
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Default Re: My friend sexually abused by his father

That is an awful situation. If he is is still living with his father then is in continued danger. If it were me, I would at least tell my parents.
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Old August 28th, 2017, 01:45 PM   #13
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Default Re: My friend sexually abused by his father

This is a criminal act. PLEASE: You need to push your friend REALLY hard to report this to a school counselor, policeman, or better yet your state's version of child protective services immediately. If he is being raped, this will not be a "he said x & the other guy said y situation. Your friend will be pulled from the home & receive a forensic examination by a physician or specially traind forensic nurse. Your friend will certainly have anal tears & scarring & dad will be arrested. Your friend will be put in a safe foster or group home & will not have to see his father until he testifies against him in court.

I apologize for being so authoritarian, but my family has been a foster family for 15 yrs & we have cared for kids with the same parental abuse. It is truly awful, & your friend deserves much better.

The physical & psychological effects of rape often result in the kid not trusting anyone. After all, your parents are supposed to protect you. The fact that he trusted & confided in you is a complement to you. Whether he realizes or not, this is considered a "cry for help."

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Old August 30th, 2017, 04:03 AM   #14
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Default Re: My friend sexually abused by his father

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This is a criminal act. PLEASE: You need to push your friend REALLY hard to report this to a school counselor, policeman, or better yet your state's version of child protective services immediately. If he is being raped, this will not be a "he said x & the other guy said y situation. Your friend will be pulled from the home & receive a forensic examination by a physician or specially traind forensic nurse. Your friend will certainly have anal tears & scarring & dad will be arrested. Your friend will be put in a safe foster or group home & will not have to see his father until he testifies against him in court.

I apologize for being so authoritarian, but my family has been a foster family for 15 yrs & we have cared for kids with the same parental abuse. It is truly awful, & your friend deserves much better.

The physical & psychological effects of rape often result in the kid not trusting anyone. After all, your parents are supposed to protect you. The fact that he trusted & confided in you is a complement to you. Whether he realizes or not, this is considered a "cry for help."

This is full of great advice. This really isn't something to just leave as it is, someone's future and life is on the line here.

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Old September 11th, 2017, 10:30 PM   #15
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He needs to find someone to talk to that is illegal

This account is not in use anymore thank you for all the help now that my questions are answered I have decided to stop using this site thanks to all.
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Old September 11th, 2017, 11:26 PM   #16
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Default Re: My friend sexually abused by his father

Everyone here has given really good advice. It sounds like your friend is giving a cry for help because he doesn't know how to handle the situation on his own and that's why he confided in you.

This isn't going to be easy but definitely talk it over with him and tell him this is best for him. I doubt if he wants this to be happen repeatedly to him.

If this was happening to one of my friends, I certainly wouldn't ignore it. I'd probably ask my parents what I should do to get my friend some help and stop this .

Good luck and I wish your friend the best!

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Old September 12th, 2017, 06:16 AM   #17
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Default Re: My friend sexually abused by his father

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Everyone here has given really good advice. It sounds like your friend is giving a cry for help because he doesn't know how to handle the situation on his own and that's why he confided in you.

This isn't going to be easy but definitely talk it over with him and tell him this is best for him. I doubt if he wants this to be happen repeatedly to him.

If this was happening to one of my friends, I certainly wouldn't ignore it. I'd probably ask my parents what I should do to get my friend some help and stop this .

Good luck and I wish your friend the best!
Exactly. People, kids who been abuse like this don't always understand what's really in there own best interest. It's a change they go through, physically mentally and every way imaginable. Sometimes it talks that "best friend" to do something they don't expect, maybe they do. And that friend reaches out to someone else for help, and gets the ball rolling. Like I said before. They may feel betrayed when it happened. But down the road it'll become clear to them what you did any why.

Just do the right thing ok?
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Old September 13th, 2017, 12:37 AM   #18
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Default Re: My friend sexually abused by his father

Before you report anything, make sure he has a safe place to go. Maybe living with a aunt/uncle. After that I think you should first try to find out if he would be willing to report it to someone by himself (with you there maybe). Maybe you both agree to go to a parent/teacher and tell them. If he doesn't do this, and you know he will have somewhere to go, tell your parents. It will be hard, and I know he will at first probably resent you for that, but in the long run he will be a lot better off. Whatever you do, I wish you luck. I've been in similar situations, I know how hard it is to choose.

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Old September 24th, 2017, 12:51 AM   #19
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Default Re: My friend sexually abused by his father

You need to notify the police. Even if your friend is mad at you once the situation is defused he will not only forgive you but he will thank you. Even if that's not the case it is better for him to lose you as a friend than it is for this abuse to continue.

You have been put in a very bad situation here. I urge you to look at it in a very black and white way. You have the opportunity to put this awful abuse to an end. You need to save your friend.

You need to be the best of a best friend here. Please keep everyone updated. We care.


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