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Old October 2nd, 2016, 07:23 AM   #1
impan1019
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Unhappy Was I sexually assaulted? Is it my fault?

Okay so my ex boyfriend and I were at the homecoming dance last night. In the car we were making out, he was squeezing my breasts and I let him. At the dance I let him at first, and i let him start to touch me through my underwear, and he had me touch him through his dress pants. However, after a few seconds I started getting super uncomfortable and I told him to stop 4 times and he didnt... it took 5 times saying stop to make him stop. I removed my hand from his genitals, and he kept trying to move it. He kept pushing and asking me if in the car he could and i kept saying no, and he kept asking. In the car previously i said he could but if i say no it means no. So i want to know was i sexually assaulted and is it my fault?

We fight no matter the cost of battle, the losses we take, the improbability of success. We fight to the very end. It is not the question of courage. It is something constitutional, an ability to let go. It maybe nothing more than life-hungry stupidity.-Yann Martel,Life of Pi

Last edited by Living For Love; October 2nd, 2016 at 12:15 PM. Reason: Explicit content removed.
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Old October 2nd, 2016, 01:29 PM   #2
Uniquemind
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Default Re: Was I sexually assaulted? Is it my fault?

Never your fault you communicated clearly.


Ugh this is that old "if you don't succeed try try again" motto we learn as kids and in boys brains they apply to sexual advancements and flirting...damage has to be undone, that persistence, is not a virtue once you hear a "No".

You couldn't have been more clear.


However whatever you consented to before "no" was not abuse, it became abuse once you said "no" and he was continuing to do so.
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Old October 2nd, 2016, 02:30 PM   #3
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Default Re: Was I sexually assaulted? Is it my fault?

whatever you consented to before "no" was not abuse, it became abuse once you said "no" and he was continuing to do so.

No, its not your fault. You went as far as you were comfortable with and once you were uncomfortable with what was going on, you told him "NO!" and at that point he should have stopped. If he continued after your telling him "NO!" several times then techinically he assulted you.

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Old October 19th, 2016, 02:39 AM   #4
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Default Re: Was I sexually assaulted? Is it my fault?

I agree with what Zack said, except for maybe the part about what happened before you said "no" not being abuse. Not saying no isn't necessarily a yes. A good relationship will have clear boundaries-- you'll both know what the other is comfortable with, and respect those limits.

The fact that he didn't stop when you said no shows that he doesn't respect you or your feelings. I don't want to sound like I'm overreacting, but you really need to leave him. The fact that he kept moving your hand back to his genitals after you told him you were uncomfortable and said no is disgusting.

This was absolutely sexual assault, and you are NOT at fault for it. The thing about consent (saying yes) is that it only goes as far as you want it to. If one consents to kissing, then that's all the other should be doing. If you consented to him touching your genitals earlier in the night, and then decide that you don't want him to, then that consent is GONE, and he should have stopped IMMEDIATELY.

Communication is very important when it comes to sex/anything sexual. A healthy relationship will have good communication, and you will both respect each others boundaries.

To say it one more time... he was beyond wrong, and you should tell an adult you trust about it. You can talk to a school counselor and they can help you decide what to do. What happened is nothing to be embarrassed about, so please don't feel that way. Sex is a natural and normal thing, but only when both people's wishes are respected. Until you decide what you are going to do as far as who to tell, etc. I would not be alone with him.

Let me know if I can give any further advice, or if you have any other questions. Good luck.

Matt

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Old October 20th, 2016, 07:19 PM   #5
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Default Re: Was I sexually assaulted? Is it my fault?

This was absolutely NOT your fault. And it absolutely WAS sexual assault. Your boyfriend clearly does not respect your wishes and if he truly loved you, he would respect you. What he did was disgusting and you should not only leave him, but you should tell a trusted adult immediately.
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Old January 13th, 2017, 03:39 PM   #6
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Default Re: Was I sexually assaulted? Is it my fault?

It wasn't your fault and I agree yes it was assault
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Old January 14th, 2017, 06:41 AM   #7
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Default Re: Was I sexually assaulted? Is it my fault?

If you said no to him and he didn't respect your wishes then it wasn't your fault and yes what he did was wrong and assault.

I'm 14 and live near Glasgow, Scotland. I consider myself to be a girly girl and always up for a laugh.
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Old January 14th, 2017, 09:46 PM   #8
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Default Re: Was I sexually assaulted? Is it my fault?

Yes it is assault. It is also rape. Its not ur fault


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Old January 14th, 2017, 09:58 PM   #9
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Absolutely not your fault.
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Old January 28th, 2017, 01:29 PM   #10
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Unhappy Re: Was I sexually assaulted? Is it my fault?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shock96 View Post
I agree with what Zack said, except for maybe the part about what happened before you said "no" not being abuse. Not saying no isn't necessarily a yes. A good relationship will have clear boundaries-- you'll both know what the other is comfortable with, and respect those limits.

The fact that he didn't stop when you said no shows that he doesn't respect you or your feelings. I don't want to sound like I'm overreacting, but you really need to leave him. The fact that he kept moving your hand back to his genitals after you told him you were uncomfortable and said no is disgusting.

This was absolutely sexual assault, and you are NOT at fault for it. The thing about consent (saying yes) is that it only goes as far as you want it to. If one consents to kissing, then that's all the other should be doing. If you consented to him touching your genitals earlier in the night, and then decide that you don't want him to, then that consent is GONE, and he should have stopped IMMEDIATELY.

Communication is very important when it comes to sex/anything sexual. A healthy relationship will have good communication, and you will both respect each others boundaries.

To say it one more time... he was beyond wrong, and you should tell an adult you trust about it. You can talk to a school counselor and they can help you decide what to do. What happened is nothing to be embarrassed about, so please don't feel that way. Sex is a natural and normal thing, but only when both people's wishes are respected. Until you decide what you are going to do as far as who to tell, etc. I would not be alone with him.

Let me know if I can give any further advice, or if you have any other questions. Good luck.

Matt
Yes, let's ruin someone's life before it has even begun. He would we charged as an adult for being a horny teenager. Now if he wasn't a horny teenager it would be completely acceptable to tell.

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Old January 28th, 2017, 02:04 PM   #11
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