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Old December 29th, 2016, 01:13 PM   #1
Periphery
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Join Date: June 9, 2014
Location: Outside of your window in the middle of the night
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Default I'm done

That's all I can think about right now honestly. Lately I've been feeling insanely anxious, very low, weak, tired and just horrible all day and I hate it so much. I feel like my life has just lost its purpose. I'm skipping meals, I'm losing a ton of weight, I can barely talk at times because of the anxiety and I just don't know what to do anymore. Every single night I wish I won't wake up so I won't feel like this anymore.

I feel like I'm a horrible person. I'm an asshole, I scare people away from me by saying or doing things I barely think about. People keep leaving me and I feel like I'll just end up all alone. I've been feeling extremely lonely and scared lately and honestly I've been highly suicidal. I just feel like I can't make anyone happy, and people would rather see me gone.

I know for a fact in school people will be glad if I were to dissapear, why would they miss me? I'm a massive asshole in school, I simply am. There I turn in an offensive, sadistic asshole, and why? To hide from people who I am, an insecure piece of shit. My parents are making it even worse on me, I've lost all of my privacy, when my parents are around I can't even use my phone anymore without telling them why I'm on my phone. They say I have no reason to use since I have nobody to text, which is true.

I guess I just had to get this out, idk I just feel like everything is bottled up and it's breaking me.

When you're taught to love everyone, to love your enemies, then what value does that place on love?
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Old December 29th, 2016, 05:22 PM   #2
Microcosm
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Name: Dan
Join Date: May 28, 2014
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Default Re: I'm done

@The Special One,

Have you ever successfully controlled one of these outbursts of anger and refrained? I know it's bad a lot of times to push emotions down, but the people around you don't deserve to feel the repercussions of your own anger.

Do you think its possible that you have an anger management disorder? If that's the case, there are certainly medications that a psychiatrist can prescribe to you to help you deal with that.

Part of the anxiety likely comes from bottling up these emotions of anger. Writing about them on VT, then, certainly ought to help relieve some of the pressure. That is ultimately the goal here: relieving the pressure from those bottled up emotions. Letting the anger seep out rather than letting it burst forth. This doesn't mean being passive aggressive, but rather trying to find safe and nice ways to relieve these emotions.

Practicing the ability to clear your mind through meditation is a decent way of doing this. Although, it can be hard. I'd suggest researching it.

Try to find what calms you down: Perhaps candles, incense, exercise, a certain video game. Anything. Helping to relieve the bottled up stress and anger is a good first step to solving your problem, I think.

I hope I've helped and best of luck to you.
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Old January 3rd, 2017, 10:33 AM   #3
Just JT
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Name: JT
Join Date: June 27, 2015
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Default Re: I'm done

You know Dan makes some good points. Some stuff is hard to identify. I have an anger rage disorder and it's horrible. It can get me into a lot of trouble. I've learned some coping skill, and there different for everyone. You avoided some shit this time but it probably gets harder every time? Might wana talk to someone about it
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