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Old December 14th, 2016, 06:16 AM   #1
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Join Date: June 9, 2014
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Default I don't even know what I feel anymore ;tw

I guess this'll be kinda me venting all over the place so yeah.

I've been insanely anxious lately, like basicly all day. I'm in the middle of exams and I'm under so much pressure because I'm in my last year of high school and I just have no choice but to actually do good. I have no idea what my future is going to be which also just gives me allot of stress, just thinking about what I'll be doing next year makes me panic instantly.

Every day is just getting worse and worse. I feel like everyone just hates me and that they just see me as 'just another guy'. I feel replaceable honestly. I'm being left alone so many times. For example the 2 guys I drive home with from school often just leave me and drive off without me leaving me alone on a 30 minute drive where I just start overthinking about everything.

I feel like I can't do anything right, like I ruin everyone's mood and I'm just a bother to the people I care about. Why would people even care about me anymore? I'm just a burder anyway. I'm having so many horrible thoughts and the fact I'm home alone now makes it worse. I won't do anything stupid, I know I won't, it's just that the thoughts won't go away. I feel like there is no way I can make it to a month of being clean again, I didn't even make it to 3 days now. I feel so weak because I made it so far and now I just ruined it. Whenever I see my scars and cuts it just makes me realise I'm a failure even more.

I'm having more and more nightmares about the people I care about being hurt or leaving me and it just breaks me. The thought of ending up completely alone crushes me everytime. At times I just feel so isolated from everyone and everything, like insanely claustrophobic and it often happens that I get trouble breathing aswell.

I just want to know what I'm doing wrong, people seem to hate me and I feel like they're better of without me. I can't sleep at night, I feel constant guilt and just feel like my self esteem is gone. I just hate the way I look, the way I move, the way I talk and just my entire body in general.

So yeah, guess I just had to get this out

In all of us lie secrets
hidden inside hollow hearts,
Heaven was built by heathens
there is no place for us
never was

Last edited by Leprous; December 14th, 2016 at 06:56 AM.
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Old December 14th, 2016, 07:32 AM   #2
Just JT
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Join Date: June 27, 2015
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Default Re: I don't even know what I feel anymore ;tw

Your not a failure, everyone does not hate you, your not alone. And whether you wana believe it or not you've accomplished a lot

Think your just going through a tough time with finals and all. Just try and keep all the bad thought away and focus on school. That's really important. The rest will work out just fine in the end.

Other people in your life may also be feeling the same stresses as you or recognize your stressed, and just trying to give you your space

So just try to relax and chill. If it does get to hard remember to talk to someone before you do something you'll regret. And someone's always here to if you need or wana chat ok?

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