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Old July 8th, 2016, 01:42 PM   #21
Just JT
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Default Re: I hate my life and myself

You e tried everything?
Ever go skiing, sky diving, deliver a baby, or fix a broken down car?
Yeah, I might seem a little sarcastic, but it's a point I'm trying to make.
There's all kinds of things I'm sure you've probably never tried, so you don't know if you'll enjoy them or excell at them. I think people who really excell at something, like its a talent, it just comes natural to them, they don't have to work hard at it.
So if you don't try new things you'll never find out. That one thing just might be what your really great at, and don't know it or even know you like it or not

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Old July 8th, 2016, 01:47 PM   #22
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If I don't try those things that means I'm not interested in them. I've attempted to do many things and only those I've mentioned appeal to me and that I enjoy. Like I said I don't want to be forced to do and be good at something I don't like to continue living.
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Old July 14th, 2016, 02:06 PM   #23
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I think I'm unfixable at this point. I just hate my life, myself, and everything around me so much. I hate being myself and being here, I'd rather not exist and feel nothing. I hate being inferior and alive. I've tried so hard until I can't to no avail

I don't think that I'll even make it through this year without killing myself. This past year I've been so stressed out, depressed and busy that I rarely have time for a breakdown.
Hopefully something would kill me soon, cause I really can't take it anymore.
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Old July 24th, 2016, 06:53 AM   #24
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I think I'm unfixable at this point. I just hate my life, myself, and everything around me so much. I hate being myself and being here, I'd rather not exist and feel nothing. I hate being inferior and alive. I've tried so hard until I can't to no avail

I don't think that I'll even make it through this year without killing myself. This past year I've been so stressed out, depressed and busy that I rarely have time for a breakdown.
Hopefully something would kill me soon, cause I really can't take it anymore.
To quote a time traveling alien from a V program "in 900 years of time and space I've never met someone who isn't important". By initially accepting that there are things out there you just cannot control, friends and people will come and go, and there are cruel ones out there too. Just cos some people can do things and you cant does NOT mean you are inferior. Do your parents know how you feel. If not, let them. Even if it means letting them see this thread. The one thing they say worse in life than losing a parent would be for your parents to lose you. Please feel free to continue to rant here. People will listen
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Old August 4th, 2016, 04:48 AM   #25
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I just did something very fucking stupid today (as always).

I have bipolar disorder which means that I can randomly feel energetic and overconfident, ignoring the rules or not thinking what will happen later on, lately it really destroyed me and I just hate it. A few days ago I was in a new class I just act too loud despite always being quiet and I think some people might get a bad impression of me already. But today I fucked up. During class I kind of feel too confident, or maybe I'm just fucking stupid like I always am. I pulled out my phone and started taking photos of the board instead of taking notes like everybody else. The teacher took my phone and I can't get it back until the end of the year, There's literally nothing I can do to get it back now, absolute fucking nothing. I embarrassed myself even further in front of my class, my parents are probably disappointed, the teachers disappointed, It was a big fuck up. Some people might say that living without a phone is easy and all and that I should be grateful to even have one, but I really need it for basically all my social and study stuff. That was the only place I could talk to friends, ask for homework help, call my parents and other stuff, listen to music to escape this reality of endless suffering, etc. In short, I get more isolated and lost over my social stuff and studies. I just fucking hate myself for being so fucking stupid.

Also I was trying to study Physics, I spent hours and hours studying it and I feel like I understand this subject really well, most of the time I understand very little or don't understand at all. After the test of this subject the teacher read out the answers and I got nothing right. I just don't feel like studying anymore because it's just going to waste.

All of these things I'm scared about but I fucked up anyway as always. Maybe it's because my bipolar, or maybe because I'm too fucking stupid and forgot about how much these things affect your life.

I haven't self-harmed in over a year. I will probably do it again tonight, expecting more cuts in my wrist tonight more than I ever had, this time hopefully I lose too much blood or hit a vein so this nightmare could be over. The worst thing is that even though this feels really low, just like the rest of my life, It can only get worse not matter what.

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Old August 19th, 2016, 11:04 AM   #26
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Just an update.

I've been trying to change my life for the better, but nothing is working and I'm running out of chances to. This is my final year in high school and I'm interested in joining a committee. However, I was told that I may not join because my grades were bad and that I should fix them, but my grades are getting worse even though I've been trying harder than usual. This really means a lot to me because; Good grades > Join the committee > CV gets filled > Good university > Good job because of the University and filled CV.

Now I've never joined a school organization because I feel like I wasn't focused and I need to focus on my studies first. But only now in my final year that I feel like joining one and when I do I am fucked. I don't want to join one in college because I feel like I will be busy and I won't the time and energy for it.

I've been studying hard but all my efforts has gone to waste (as usual) and I have to do a remedial. I am very pissed off because now I have to focus on both the remedial (which I will probably fail again) and the next test so I have to carry twice the weight. I studied hard for a physics test and failed, can't do the remedial either and tomorrow I have another physics test and I didn't really study because I think I will fail again but at the same time I am very scared. I feel like I'm very slow and inferior compared to other students because I have to focus a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooot more than them, not only in studying for the initial test, but for the remedial. Again, a failure.

I just see no way out and those problems aren't even all of my problems right now. If someone would describe me or my life, failure would be the one word answer to it. I'm running out of chances and all is just getting worse.
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Old August 19th, 2016, 11:14 AM   #27
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Have you talked to anyone at school or anything and asked for help?
You can't wait till the last minute and do nothing to prepare bro...
I know that's probably not helping or what you wana hear but....

You need to forget the committee stuff and stick your head in your books and get some help man...

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Old August 19th, 2016, 01:17 PM   #28
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Just an update.

I've been trying to change my life for the better, but nothing is working and I'm running out of chances to. This is my final year in high school and I'm interested in joining a committee. However, I was told that I may not join because my grades were bad and that I should fix them, but my grades are getting worse even though I've been trying harder than usual. This really means a lot to me because; Good grades > Join the committee > CV gets filled > Good university > Good job because of the University and filled CV.

Now I've never joined a school organization because I feel like I wasn't focused and I need to focus on my studies first. But only now in my final year that I feel like joining one and when I do I am fucked. I don't want to join one in college because I feel like I will be busy and I won't the time and energy for it.

I've been studying hard but all my efforts has gone to waste (as usual) and I have to do a remedial. I am very pissed off because now I have to focus on both the remedial (which I will probably fail again) and the next test so I have to carry twice the weight. I studied hard for a physics test and failed, can't do the remedial either and tomorrow I have another physics test and I didn't really study because I think I will fail again but at the same time I am very scared. I feel like I'm very slow and inferior compared to other students because I have to focus a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooot more than them, not only in studying for the initial test, but for the remedial. Again, a failure.

I just see no way out and those problems aren't even all of my problems right now. If someone would describe me or my life, failure would be the one word answer to it. I'm running out of chances and all is just getting worse.
Have you told your teachers that you're trying to improve your grades?


I'm a prettyyy awkward weeb that likes alcohol and punk rock :')
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Old August 19th, 2016, 05:14 PM   #29
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I am NOT preparing at the last minute. In fact, there are some subjects that I even start to study before everybody else and before school starts it but I still failed. I need to get the committee stuff so I can get a job, unless you're happy if I'll go through all of this hard work of studying to only become a fucking garbage man or a poor restaurant clerk and say goodbye to my dreams.

I told them but there's nothing I can do about it besides that. Schools here are not as flexible as in America or other countries. Telling them you're struggling can't help your scores get up. I can't postpone homework and stuff even though I say I'm bombarded with other homework and stuff. It's all fixed.
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Old September 12th, 2016, 11:55 AM   #30
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I'm just mentally fucked up. I have ADHD and it prevents me from doing well in anything and it keeps making me fail and making me very fucking stupid. I'm heavily depressed even though I shouldn't. I'm bipolar making me do stupid stuff and making people look at me as a fucking idiot more than I already am and it leads to terrible consequences. I'm just so fucked up in the head I don't want to go into much detail. I'm failing at everything despite trying as hard as I could go and I want to die before I disappoint everybody else.

I feel like I'm mentally fucking insane. I feel like I want to scream so fucking loud and die right after, I want to cry so hard and die. Part of me wants to just scream out loud and hurt and kill people in the most fucked way, and there are many people who are annoying and bully me like shit because I'm a socially fucked up guy that I want to slit their fucking throats or beat them crazy or fucking shoot them. I'm just so fucking lonely that one day I might even rape a fucking girl out of desperation. Right now I'm stable but I feel that sooner or later I might just break out and fucking do all these things because I feel like I'm holding that all in now. I just want to fucking die because I hate my life and my self and to possibly prevent any of this shit happening and hurting other people.

Also, my girlfriend hooked up with another guy. I won't blame her because I think it's my fucking fault, I mess everything up. She was feeling very low and looked for another guy for comfort then hooked up. I won't blame her because I know what she was like. I should've been there. I should've been more talkative. I'm piece of fucking shit. I'm losing everything and have no one and I want to fucking die because I'm a worthless piece of shit. Please tell me how I can end this fucking life. I don't want to hurt myself any longer and I don't want to hurt others. I really don't think I can be saved or is worth saving.. I just want my suffering to end before it gets worse for me and everyone else
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Old November 30th, 2016, 08:00 AM   #31
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I feel like I'd be better off dead. I'm so fucked up in the head and such a fuck up as a human. Sooner or later I might get so desperate and insane that I'll most likely end up killing someone, raping a little girl or doing something fucked up. There's no redeeming qualities about me and nobody loves me so it's better off if I'm dead, to prevent all those things and to make way for better people.

I've lost the person I care so much about and the reason I'm alive all because I fuck everything up. When people see me they think of a fucking loser, dumb, ugly, can't blame them for knowing who I am at first glance though, because I'm really all of that. I don't have many friends or have someone to like me. My parents don't even know how fucked up I am and if they knew they'd probably be glad if I'm dead, wouldn't want a son like me either.

I'm so behind and inferior in a lot of ways. In school most students can study normally mostly, like it may take them a few hours to understand a small subject but for me I might need a whole month or even half a year to understand. I can't focus. I look around myself and I see people achieving things, being proud of. I've seen people younger than me who can achieve amazing stuff and I'm just here being a useless idiot. What 12 year olds can do normally I can only do when I'm probably 80 or something. All in all I'm just a useless, stupid, and meaningless nobody who never achieved something and probably never will.

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so fucked up in everything I am and do. I'm really desperate. I'm going to finish high school soon (that is if I actually pass) and I'll have to go to uni soon. I don't know what I want to take or how the system even works. Every time something good happens something bad is waiting around a corner.

It feels like I'm getting progressively worse and worse no matter how much I try. I try to do something good and it backfires and I only end up failing or making a fool of myself. No matter how much I try, sacrifice things, I will always fail and that's how it's always been. I feel like this isn't how I'm supposed to be. I'm getting older and it feels like everything is getting worse.

I'm so desperate. I'm willing to take shortcuts now, whether it's drugs, suicide, etc. I just want it to be over. Does anyone know any drugs that might take out my depression? Or that makes me enjoy life even at the slightest? Is there a quick way to kill myself? Please...
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Old November 30th, 2016, 08:28 AM   #32
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Ok look, seems to me you placing waaaay to much energy on things that Don't need all that attention and not enough on stuff that does need attention.

That being said, girlfriend, school committees, school itself or what ever need to maybe take a back seat here bro. You need to be healthy before anything else happens. And I'm not talking about physical health either.

People here have made some good recommendations and most have the same common theme. You need some help, and you need to ask for it. Ant the people you should ask is your family. Whether you realize it or not they will support and help. As much as you may deny that, I'm almost certain they will. They may not like it, but then again what aren't would want their kid coming forward asking for that kid kinda help?

You just need to do this ok? Cause nothing's changing other than you getting worse and nobody like that. People here do give a shit. Trust me on that one. I have many friends here who honestly give a shit. But you need to at least try yourself. You can't just give up. Your not ready for that yet. Or else you wouldn't still be posting in your thread

So man up and ask for help ok bro?

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Old December 1st, 2016, 12:54 PM   #33
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Well based on the stuff you said I am gonna deduce that you are somewhere from asia, possibly the Philippines. Unfortunately for you the education system that you are currently is rather rigid and is usually typified as a cookie cutter approach towards education. The education system is not there to fit your needs; instead you adapt and change according to the demands of the education system.

I understand that in Asia, there is a very common propensity of comparing achievements in terms of grades, school etc. Furthermore, parents are often reluctant to accept that their children are not performing as well as they envision in the area of their choice. Many parents feel that academics is the only way to be successful and soft options like graphic design as less successful. In a way there is some truth to that as the artistic industry is not well developed in Asia and even in US/Europe the competition is really tough. Personally, I think you are being constantly bombarded with what others think you should be than being allowed to express what you what to be.

This leaves you with 2 options. 1)Suck it up and just tell your parents. Tell them that you are willing to pursue whatever area that you think will give you the most happiness even if it means less money or 2) continue with whatever you are faced with now. Only you can decide what option you want to take.

In the event you choose option 2 or are forced to take option 2 when option 1 is exhausted, rember this – you have already reached rock bottom which means that things can only up. For all practical purposes, music is hardly important as few people will ever continue to do music professionally. Instead what you need to do is to focus on the content subjects. Firstly, perhaps you should ask to see a doctor who can assess if you have any learning difficulties or ADHD etc that is medically preventing you from performing. If there is, follow the prescribed treatment religiously. If not, it’s time to recognise that maybe your approach to studying isn’t working. If you need help with your approach to studying you can always ask me for help and do provide details of what you need help with. Many times, I find that peers don’t do well due to either a lack of effort or a wrong approach. Studying long hours will not give you any results if not done effectively.

In any case, grades are not everything in life. What is wrong with being a garbage collector or a restaurant clerk? You are still earning a honest living while providing a much needed service. Take being in a hospital for example. Many would think that the doctor and nurses are the most important people there but this is WRONG. Cleaners are equally important too. They are the ones who have to ensure that diseases do not spread from one patient to another. If the cleaners do not do their job properly patients will also die. The point here is that every job is important and they all have a role to play in society. Do not ever demean any job as trivial or crap.

Thinking of suicide just because you “failed” is pretty self-defeatist isn’t? Yeah we all go through hell and for some for a long time but ultimately all these pain will end finally. There are no short cuts to life and all we can do is to make the best of what life throws at us. Yes life is unfair but that is the way it is. Now, let’s try to have some fighting spirit can we? If you want, I am sure that all these board members will be here for you, rooting you on; even if those around you physically are not. Let us work on re-channeling all that negative suicidal and self-harm thoughts into positive ones.

Identify what is most important to you first and let us know so that we can work our way up together alright? One step at the time. Always step back and think before you act for now, especially when you are feeling down. Only act when you are sure you will not regret your actions in the future.

We are all slaves in this new age.

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Old December 9th, 2016, 05:49 PM   #34
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I fucking can't. My parents know of this and they did nothing to change it. I can't afford professional help or anything. I've tried all viable methods of studying and still end up dumb. And yes, it does matter what job I'll get, because if I have a minor job, I won't have a well pay and will end up homeless, My parents will disown me, My friends will abandon me and things, and most of all I won't enjoy the job at all. This happened to my cousin. If I just pursue what I want my parents won't support me financially at all so it doesn't matter. There is no time left, things are still going down. I feel like I'm just a fuck up of a human being because I'm so behind compared to everybody else. Everyone can study normally, I can't. I see people younger than me accomplishing and being able to do much more stuff than I can. I can't be good at anything, and even if I am good at something, as impossible as it sounds, It won't be enough to make me go anywhere or please anybody. I'm so fucked up in the head, I might end up as a killer or a rapist and the thoughts are already creeping in my head. Even if I do get a small job or whatever, I won't be happy, at all.

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Old December 11th, 2016, 07:59 AM   #35
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Well you and only you are the one who keeps saying you can't. If you are trying to seek affirmation for your actions in the event you do them, you won't find it here. No one here is going to condone acts of rape or murder. What we are and always be willing to do is to lend you a listening ear and help insofar of our abilities.

If you so decide to continue the facade that your parents want then tell us and we can help you with your studies. You may claim that you have tried all viable methods but I doubt you have. There are endless methods of learning stuff and understanding them.

Constantly comparing with others isn't a viable solution to succeed. In fact it will only guarantee failure since that is going your priority. To succeed your top priority has to be on the area you want to excel in without any form of distractions. Just merely giving a token amount of effort or going through the motions is never going to work. Anyway what ever achievements those around you have done has definitely been attained by many others in the world. No one can ever be at the pinnacle for long. Everybody's position on the bell curve keeps changing and everyone is striving to attain a greater achievement.

As I have said if you do need help in certain subjects you can always ask on this board. Only sheer hard work can over come these issues, not comparing or complaining. Unlike other members on this board, you seem very content with sitting on your laurels talking and complaining on your situation instead of seeking and taking positive actions to make your own life better. No one can help you if you refuse to help yourself.

True friends will accept you for who you are and not what you can do. But ultimately it is your own choice whose company you want it your life. However, no one will ever concur with your actions especially when you take it out on others and harm innocent people.

We are all slaves in this new age.
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Old December 11th, 2016, 08:22 AM   #36
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You have no idea how much I tried many methods of studying and I doubt that asking about subjects indirectly in the internet will help me, yes I've tried it. Everyone expects me to be what everyone else like me is like, a normal teen who is at least decent in studies, social skills and talent, but I'm far and way behind from a normal teen, from a primary school kid. I have NO redeeming qualities and everyone I've encountered and disappoint seems to prove that. I'm depressed because I can't even compare to the smallest. Younger people can study better than me, and I don't think I'll ever figure out how until I am like at least 70 years old, when it barely matters. Younger people can do things and impress everyone better and I doubt I could ever despite trying as hard. They can do everything while I can't do anything. Does true friends want to befriend a fucked up, no good, ugly in every way person who will probably be a rapist? I've had many people who I trust and befriend and who I consider as true friends but even they left because I'm too low for everyone. I don't even come to this board often, I'm trying my ass off in everything I can do. With what has happened recently, I haven't hit rock bottom and things are still going down no matter how much I tried. I've lost someone who meant dear to me and I don't know where to go next. Things are not as easy as 'move on' and shit but for me it takes years to overcome something and when I do, it won't even matter anymore.
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Old December 11th, 2016, 08:43 AM   #37
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All that I am still hearing is a defeatist attitude without any desire to change. If what you have been doing isn't working out then change your method. Keep changing till you find one that works for you. The route to material success is never easy. At its basic your attitude needs changing.

In any case are the people around you really that materialistic? It sounds rather extreme for people to be that materialistic. Anyways only you decide to be a rapist; no one else. All that you are doing is to constantly groom urself to think that you will be one and looking for excuses. If you have issues then talk about them and take the appropriate steps. Things are never easy and all of us go through them. You are not the only one going through a tough time but you are trying to cope with it by taking it out on others which is inappropriate. This still boils down to ur attitude and the way u think. You need to change them.

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