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Old November 9th, 2016, 09:04 PM   #1
rektm8
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Name: Emily
Join Date: November 9, 2016
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Question N.e.e.t.

First off I'm sorry if I have some mistakes with my writing. I'm not going to talk about all my issues but I really need some advice.

A little backround about me, I'm an asian girl, born and raised from an asian country and I lived there all my life. I was diagnosed from Dysthymia this year. So I eventually stopped going to school since my anxiety is getting worse and worse. Now, my mom decided that it would be better if I'll move to a new place to start a new life or whatever. So I moved to USA. I told my mom and stepfather that I need to take a break from school. I dont think I'm ready yet because I'm still recovering from the trauma and everything that happened. Well anyway since I dont go to school I dont have the chance to meet new people/people of my age. I dont work either because I dont know how to drive (I live in a country side). Ive been four months here and never met my neighbors in this small town where everyone is supposed to know each other. As much as I love jogging and warming up I never went out for a walk or something. Its just not easy for me. I'm a foreigner to this country and its just difficult for me to adapt to the culture. For example (and no offense but) I dont like american foods. I tried many times to eat but it makes me gag and embarrass myself in front of everyone in the table. I'm just not used to it. I like oriental food which is not available in our small town. I also observed that strangers greet each other and sometimes have some small talk and if you pretended like you didnt see them, its rude. Thats the main reason why I dont go out. Im scared of being ignored.

I remember when I went shopping with my mom's friend. We went to another city to go to the mall. Shes an old caucasian woman. Everybody we encountered greeted and talked to her. And while I tried to make eye contact so I can say hello but they seem to not recognize my existence. They dont even look at me. And I dont know WHY. That memory has been stucked in my head until now. Is it because I'm asian? Or is it because Im a teenager? Who the fuck knows.

I'm scared to go out and having to talk to neighbors mainly because I dont know how to speak english. Sure I can write but believe me I cant speak it. When I try to I always asked to repeat it 3x. Clearly they dont understand what I'm saying. Another thing I dont know how to talk, I dont know how americans talk. I dont know their humor. I dont know how to react. I just dont know. All i know is depression is starting to take over again.

TLDR: I literally dont have friends so its fun like what you think it is
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Old November 11th, 2016, 06:14 AM   #2
Hyper
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Join Date: July 3, 2006
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Default Re: N.e.e.t.

Well it's not easy for anyone to be social, make friends and do stuff in public if they have anxiety.

Do you have anyone that could help you out when starting?

You also seem to be ''digging a hole'' as I call it - since you aren't happy with the way things are you are finding more and more things to be anxious/sad about.

You write great, so you have the vocabulary - you just need people to talk with and practice. Obviously the thought that people don't understand you (and thus might misunderstand you) is incredibly uncomfortable and anxiety inducing but it is something you can only get through by practice.

I wouldn't read too much into ''small town stuff''. People everywhere in small towns are ''tight knit'' and can be distrusting of new people at first.

Food well who cares? I imagine in the US you can get most of the ingredients you need to make your own cuisine? And you wont necessarily end up living in a small town forever.

Humor is universal & culturally dependant - shouldn't worry about it too much.

Really I think you just need someone anyone, who is American/been there for awhile, to help you out in getting started.

These kind of problems always seem worse than they are and sometimes insurmountable in the beginning. But if you get someone to help you get started you can start dealing with these, set a goal for yourself maybe, something that'll help you out, give you experience and freedom - getting a drivers license seems like a great start.

I'm tough, rough, ready and able
To pick myself up from under this table
Don't stick no sign on me, I got no label
I'm a little sick, unsure, unsound and unstable

But I'm fighting my way back
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Old November 14th, 2016, 11:58 AM   #3
swimjoey1
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Default Re: N.e.e.t.

Since you like jogging maybe you can join a running club.
There might be community center in your area, and there you can meet new people.
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Old November 15th, 2016, 03:14 PM   #4
rektm8
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Name: Emily
Join Date: November 9, 2016
Gender: Female
Default Re: N.e.e.t.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hyper View Post
Well it's not easy for anyone to be social, make friends and do stuff in public if they have anxiety.

Do you have anyone that could help you out when starting?

You also seem to be ''digging a hole'' as I call it - since you aren't happy with the way things are you are finding more and more things to be anxious/sad about.

You write great, so you have the vocabulary - you just need people to talk with and practice. Obviously the thought that people don't understand you (and thus might misunderstand you) is incredibly uncomfortable and anxiety inducing but it is something you can only get through by practice.

I wouldn't read too much into ''small town stuff''. People everywhere in small towns are ''tight knit'' and can be distrusting of new people at first.

Food well who cares? I imagine in the US you can get most of the ingredients you need to make your own cuisine? And you wont necessarily end up living in a small town forever.

Humor is universal & culturally dependant - shouldn't worry about it too much.

Really I think you just need someone anyone, who is American/been there for awhile, to help you out in getting started.

These kind of problems always seem worse than they are and sometimes insurmountable in the beginning. But if you get someone to help you get started you can start dealing with these, set a goal for yourself maybe, something that'll help you out, give you experience and freedom - getting a drivers license seems like a great start.
I don't really have anyone to help me out since I don't have friends here. I only have my parents who are really busy at work. They are both narcissist, emotionally abusing me. Last month we went to visit my dad's brother in another state. I got to hang out with his wife. She's a high school teacher. I never told her anything but it seems like she knew something. She told me that she's really worried about me and I should go back there sometime. When we went back home my parents were talking shit about her though. They said she's only nice at first, she spends a lot of money, etc. I personally didnt feel like she's not genuine with me. But then again I also can't tell who to trust in this world.

About the digging hole part. I don't really think I'm finding more and more things to be sad/anxious about. I just want to know or identify my current fears, what are those things that makes me anxious so I can do something about it and apply some CBT techniques. Its so hard living with anxiety, but its not like I want to be like this forever.. Afterall, I wasnt really like this before. I even consider myself with a high self esteem in some ways. I am very confident with my physical appearance to start with, and I never compare myself to others when it comes to looks. But I'm really scared of doing something wrong, doing stupid things, making mistakes. I used to criticize people a lot with their actions so I'm scared of being criticized myself.

I was worrying about the food because my parents like going to dinner with friends and always tag me along. They make me eat those foods because 'you'll get used to it'. But i don't. If I don't go out with them they'll talk about how I just stay out home and make me feel like I'm useless. I know staying inside and not doing anything wont help me. I get that but sometimes I just need a little bit of understanding, you know? Instead of making me feel bad and guilty for my mistakes. I used to beat myself up over this but since I don't have anyone but just myself. I realized that the only thing I can do is to understood myself. It's pathetic really. But it's not like I don't have a reason. I have a reason for everything I'm doing and not doing.

Anyway, I really appreciate your reply and your opinion. It takes a lot of courage to start doing something but I'll do it. Thank you very much~

Last edited by rektm8; November 15th, 2016 at 03:18 PM. Reason: grammar
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Old November 16th, 2016, 06:41 AM   #5
Hyper
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Join Date: July 3, 2006
Location: Glacier
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Default Re: N.e.e.t.

Quote:
Originally Posted by rektm8 View Post
I don't really have anyone to help me out since I don't have friends here. I only have my parents who are really busy at work. They are both narcissist, emotionally abusing me. Last month we went to visit my dad's brother in another state. I got to hang out with his wife. She's a high school teacher. I never told her anything but it seems like she knew something. She told me that she's really worried about me and I should go back there sometime. When we went back home my parents were talking shit about her though. They said she's only nice at first, she spends a lot of money, etc. I personally didnt feel like she's not genuine with me. But then again I also can't tell who to trust in this world.

About the digging hole part. I don't really think I'm finding more and more things to be sad/anxious about. I just want to know or identify my current fears, what are those things that makes me anxious so I can do something about it and apply some CBT techniques. Its so hard living with anxiety, but its not like I want to be like this forever.. Afterall, I wasnt really like this before. I even consider myself with a high self esteem in some ways. I am very confident with my physical appearance to start with, and I never compare myself to others when it comes to looks. But I'm really scared of doing something wrong, doing stupid things, making mistakes. I used to criticize people a lot with their actions so I'm scared of being criticized myself.

I was worrying about the food because my parents like going to dinner with friends and always tag me along. They make me eat those foods because 'you'll get used to it'. But i don't. If I don't go out with them they'll talk about how I just stay out home and make me feel like I'm useless. I know staying inside and not doing anything wont help me. I get that but sometimes I just need a little bit of understanding, you know? Instead of making me feel bad and guilty for my mistakes. I used to beat myself up over this but since I don't have anyone but just myself. I realized that the only thing I can do is to understood myself. It's pathetic really. But it's not like I don't have a reason. I have a reason for everything I'm doing and not doing.

Anyway, I really appreciate your reply and your opinion. It takes a lot of courage to start doing something but I'll do it. Thank you very much~
Well not having supportive parents sucks.

You seem very intelligent about this so I am genuinely convinced You will work it through succesfully sooner or later, though maybe You need to get a bit away from your parents if they aren't supportive.

As for people being genuine or not you can really only trust your own experiences in that regard - if she seems nice and wants to help then let her.

And to arbitarily throw out an assumption, it seems to me you are doing fine in terms of thinking, just need a bit of as you said ''understanding'' and encouragement.

Maybe I was a bit critical myself, of myself in truth, about the ''staying inside part''... You can still help yourself in some ways while ''staying inside'' most of the time - there is some good to the information age.

Anyway if you want can always message me, good luck with everything!

I'm tough, rough, ready and able
To pick myself up from under this table
Don't stick no sign on me, I got no label
I'm a little sick, unsure, unsound and unstable

But I'm fighting my way back
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Old November 17th, 2016, 10:35 PM   #6
rektm8
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Name: Emily
Join Date: November 9, 2016
Gender: Female
Default Re: N.e.e.t.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hyper View Post
Well not having supportive parents sucks.

You seem very intelligent about this so I am genuinely convinced You will work it through succesfully sooner or later, though maybe You need to get a bit away from your parents if they aren't supportive.

As for people being genuine or not you can really only trust your own experiences in that regard - if she seems nice and wants to help then let her.

And to arbitarily throw out an assumption, it seems to me you are doing fine in terms of thinking, just need a bit of as you said ''understanding'' and encouragement.

Maybe I was a bit critical myself, of myself in truth, about the ''staying inside part''... You can still help yourself in some ways while ''staying inside'' most of the time - there is some good to the information age.

Anyway if you want can always message me, good luck with everything!
I tried to message you but it said I need to reach 100 post count first. Lol. Anyway, I never really talked about my issues so it means a lot to me to get some insight from someone if I'm doing the right way or not. So thank you so much! Goodluck to you too!
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Old November 18th, 2016, 08:30 AM   #7
Hyper
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Join Date: July 3, 2006
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Age: 24
Gender: Male
Default Re: N.e.e.t.

Quote:
Originally Posted by rektm8 View Post
I tried to message you but it said I need to reach 100 post count first. Lol. Anyway, I never really talked about my issues so it means a lot to me to get some insight from someone if I'm doing the right way or not. So thank you so much! Goodluck to you too!
Yeah VT has that rule, just to prevent people from making new accounts and uhh creeping up to teenagers...

I don't think anyone can tell you if you are doing the right thing or not, but they can definitely encourage you and offer their own viewpoint.

So whenever you feel the need for that, check in VT.

I'm tough, rough, ready and able
To pick myself up from under this table
Don't stick no sign on me, I got no label
I'm a little sick, unsure, unsound and unstable

But I'm fighting my way back
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Old December 1st, 2016, 01:05 PM   #8
bentheplayer
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Join Date: November 23, 2016
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Default Re: N.e.e.t.

Have you tried therapy, specifically group therapy? It might be useful as you will get to meet others in the same situation as you and it would be a good place to start to learn to socialize with others in the similar age grp as u.

It might be a good idea to talk to her about what you are facing as high school teachers would probably know where to get you help but always trust your gut instinct and err on the side of caution.

We are all slaves in this new age.
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