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Old August 6th, 2016, 05:56 PM   #1
Dalcourt
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Default I can't deal with it

This isn't easy for me - but I write this out here so I can get it out without having to tell someone directly.
About a month ago I accompanied my Dad and some of his friends on a weekend trip. There I was sexually assaulted by one of this friends. He made pervert remarks earlier about my sexuality and even groped me on a few occasions but I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. Just wanted to avoid trouble but my silence got me into even greater trouble after all. As I was alone in the cabin where we stayed at to change my clothes after swimming he came into the room and tried kissing me...I shoved him away but since he was way bigger and stronger I didn't really stand a chance at all...He threatened to smother me if I tried to scream so to avoid anymore harm I let him do what he wanted to do...

I hid what had happened even though I was in physical pain cuz I felt ashamed... when we got back home the next day I tried to kill myself..dunno just a stupid panic reaction..
My life has been a living nightmare since.
I started self harming a lot again, drinking way too much and started to have horrible flashbacks not only about what had happened then but also about when I was sexually abused as a kid.
I don't think I would be still here if it wasn't for @Just JT he talked me through my darkest times.
With his help I mustered enough strength to tell my Dad and go see a doc and the cops.

It didn't go well with the police. They treated me like I was the one who did wrong. So the guy who did this is still walking around perfectly fine.

I spend my days between being mad at the fact that this guy still enjoys his life and trying to numb my feelings somehow.
A couple of days ago I saw his car in a parking lot as I wanted to do some grocery shopping...I just freaked out, I just phoned my grandma to come and get me cuz I was unable to do anything anymore...I feel she thought I was high or something as I just sat in the car crying...

I don't know how to deal with all this at the moment. I don't know how to go on like this. Living in fear like this. How can I go back to school and be normal and fun again around my friends?

Usually I'm doing okay at dealing with bad things and hide them from others. Like I've been physically abused most of my life so it got kinda normal for me. But now it just feels like too much and like I can't carry any more of it.

This may also kinda explain my weird and sometimes incoherent behavior to some.
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Old August 6th, 2016, 06:00 PM   #2
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Default Re: I can't deal with it

I'm so sorry to hear that buddy It is really unfortunate the police didn't believe you! Did your dad believe you?


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Old August 6th, 2016, 06:06 PM   #3
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Default Re: I can't deal with it

I'm glad I was there for you ty. You may not know it, but you've been there for me to.
I think you standing up for yourself like that and taking care of business is really brave. It's hard. That I know, I been there myself. Even if the cops or whoever don't believe you, you believe you. And in the end that's all that matters

Plus, that guy, immpretty sure he know what you did. And I'm pretty sure he knows you'll do it again, and he don't want that shit ton of hell comin down on him
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Old August 6th, 2016, 07:06 PM   #4
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Default Re: I can't deal with it

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mimikyu View Post
I'm so sorry to hear that buddy It is really unfortunate the police didn't believe you! Did your dad believe you?
yeah my Dad believes me.
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Old August 6th, 2016, 07:08 PM   #5
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yeah my Dad believes me.
Thank good!! Would carrying a rape alarm or pepper spray make you feel safer?


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Old August 6th, 2016, 07:13 PM   #6
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Thank good!! Would carrying a rape alarm or pepper spray make you feel safer?
May be I'm a little outa line so @Peanut_ let me know if I am.

It's not like that. That's not really an option I don't think. Even if it was, a rape alarm?

His dad is the only one that believes him. So it makes it kinda hard to just be himself in his own community
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Old August 6th, 2016, 07:56 PM   #7
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Thank good!! Would carrying a rape alarm or pepper spray make you feel safer?
Well I'm afraid not really...and since we are in the USA pepper spray wouldn't do...I needed my gun. And what should I do then kill the guy? Would be somehow tempting then...but black kid with bad social background shooting white guy? Angola prison here I come...
So it's all basically a vicious cycle and no way out.
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Old August 6th, 2016, 08:01 PM   #8
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Like I said to you earlier, you need to be away from those triggers. I get there's not many options. But you can't go forward with your life like this. You need time to regroup. You can't just go from the fry pan to the fire and back on your feet the next day. And a gun ain't guna do you any bit of good but put you in jail. I do like you a lot, tbh, I don't want you as my bunk mate ok? Lol!!!
You don't shower enough for me...

But seriously, talk to your dad, he seems to be understanding g about this. There's better options bro.
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Old August 7th, 2016, 09:23 PM   #9
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Like I said to you earlier, you need to be away from those triggers. I get there's not many options. But you can't go forward with your life like this. You need time to regroup. You can't just go from the fry pan to the fire and back on your feet the next day. And a gun ain't guna do you any bit of good but put you in jail. I do like you a lot, tbh, I don't want you as my bunk mate ok? Lol!!!
You don't shower enough for me...

But seriously, talk to your dad, he seems to be understanding g about this. There's better options bro.
we talked, argued and talked again...he's nerves are on edge, too as he doesn't now what to do with me I figure.
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Old August 7th, 2016, 09:31 PM   #10
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we talked, argued and talked again...he's nerves are on edge, too as he doesn't now what to do with me I figure.
Hope things are a little better today bro...
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Old August 8th, 2016, 04:49 AM   #11
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May be I'm a little outa line so @Peanut_ let me know if I am.

It's not like that. That's not really an option I don't think. Even if it was, a rape alarm?

His dad is the only one that believes him. So it makes it kinda hard to just be himself in his own community
A rape alarm doesn't alert the police, they make a reallyyy loud noise which is designed to make the rapist flee because it will attract people's attention and hopefully help I imagine there are ones that report to the police though if that's wanted.
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Well I'm afraid not really...and since we are in the USA pepper spray wouldn't do...I needed my gun. And what should I do then kill the guy? Would be somehow tempting then...but black kid with bad social background shooting white guy? Angola prison here I come...
So it's all basically a vicious cycle and no way out.
I imagine pepper spray would stop him buddy as I doubt he'll shoot you for it but yeah it is what makes you feel comfortable I don't know whether you should carry a gun, I don't want you getting attacked again but I don't wanted you panicking and shooting him when it is not legal to do so and then you go to prison


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Old August 8th, 2016, 05:08 PM   #12
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A rape alarm doesn't alert the police, they make a reallyyy loud noise which is designed to make the rapist flee because it will attract people's attention and hopefully help I imagine there are ones that report to the police though if that's wanted.

I imagine pepper spray would stop him buddy as I doubt he'll shoot you for it but yeah it is what makes you feel comfortable I don't know whether you should carry a gun, I don't want you getting attacked again but I don't wanted you panicking and shooting him when it is not legal to do so and then you go to prison

Yeah I'm perfectly aware that a rape alarm or pepper spray would suffice to fend someone off and I would never use a weapon for such a purpose.

It's not about that I'm afraid he'd attack me again...dunno I don't feel like he would. It's more about how this is triggering and I relive the whole shit again and again in my head.
And the fact that he can still enjoy himself without anyone bothering him at all.
But same I just couldn't deal with going to the cops or seeking help in any way atm.
Usually I'm very good at just forgetting about bad things that happened and I just wish I could forget this one, too.
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Old August 12th, 2016, 07:10 AM   #13
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Default Re: I can't deal with it

Unfortunately something like this your not guna forget real easy, if at all. But how you look at and address the triggers will make all the difference in the world for your future.

Believe me....everyday I'm triggered by something. Might be a shirt someone's wearing that is like one of my uncles friends. Maybe it's a car I see that's like uncles, maybe even a certian song on the radio that reminds me of one time.

How to put that away for later is hard. Your guna have to come to grips in so,e way with this abuse, eventually. It's really a matter how and on what terms.

This dude lives near you to. Somehow you needa make sure he knows your not afraid of him. Cause if he knows you are he knows he's got one over on you and can/will do it again. It a lot upstairs in your head bro.....
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Old August 12th, 2016, 10:46 PM   #14
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Default Re: I can't deal with it

His living near us...well not so near since we moved but still too near. Meeting him now and again won't be inevitable since he will go to the same stores, restaurants and he and Dad have tons of common mates...
No idea how this will work out as none of my Dad's other friends should know about it...I don't want a feud between those guys waaay too dangerous.

I'm really good at just supressing shit learnt that from an early age on so in the long run triggers won't be a problem it will be more what to do if I meet him alone.
Ignore him and not react to him at all? Act if nothing had happened? Confront him in one way or other?

If the cops hadn't been such assholes it would all have been much easier. But as he must have figured by now that there won't be any legal action against him...as I don't feel like going to report him again in our hometown...I think he feels I've been okay with what he did. He suggested I wanted it in the first place so that's his prove somehow, right?

I really dunno what to do
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Old August 13th, 2016, 06:24 AM   #15
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Default Re: I can't deal with it

Well sounds like, unfortunately, there's not much more you can do. You've done everything you can do and it just didn't work out the way it should.

But here's my concern, if he knows there's no legal action against him, he might feel he can do it again, especially since your not suposed to talk about it and such. And if there all still Mates hell ba around. So I'd figure out what you can do to avoid that, and from happening again.

Sometimes life's a double edge sword. When he did this you didn't report it right away, showered, washed away all the evidence. Now, if he does it again, you have real evidence you can give up before you shower, and report immediately.

Those are all big ifs, and I'm not suggesting let him do this. Only if it does, and avoid it at all costs, but if it does, be quick to report and don't wash it all away.
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Old August 13th, 2016, 11:30 AM   #16
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Default Re: I can't deal with it

I am so sorry Ty. No one should have to go through what you have. It is just terrible that the adults, your dad and the police, have basically ignored you and not been of any help. You really need to be comforted and counseled so you can get through this and you aren't getting that either. Well we here your friends on VT do care and understand what you have been through Ty. I for one like you and am on your side as a friend.

I am gay and happy with that.
I love talking to people very open & willing to listen.
I am also glad to try help with questions or problems.
Hit me up for anything. I promise I don't bite.
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Old August 14th, 2016, 12:00 AM   #17
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Well sounds like, unfortunately, there's not much more you can do. You've done everything you can do and it just didn't work out the way it should.

But here's my concern, if he knows there's no legal action against him, he might feel he can do it again, especially since your not suposed to talk about it and such. And if there all still Mates hell ba around. So I'd figure out what you can do to avoid that, and from happening again.

Sometimes life's a double edge sword. When he did this you didn't report it right away, showered, washed away all the evidence. Now, if he does it again, you have real evidence you can give up before you shower, and report immediately.

Those are all big ifs, and I'm not suggesting let him do this. Only if it does, and avoid it at all costs, but if it does, be quick to report and don't wash it all away.
Well problem wasn't that I didn't have enough evidence. Injuries a doctor justified might have suggested it wasn't really consensual and his cum on my underwear (sorry for putting pics in peoples head but I don't know how to say it less blunt) might easily have shown it was him...it's just the cops thought we kinda wanted to blackmail him for some reason. And since it happened in another state they can't do anything about it and shit...You know I was too mad to properly listen to them.

So just fuck it, okay?
T

Quote:
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I am so sorry Ty. No one should have to go through what you have. It is just terrible that the adults, your dad and the police, have basically ignored you and not been of any help. You really need to be comforted and counseled so you can get through this and you aren't getting that either. Well we here your friends on VT do care and understand what you have been through Ty. I for one like you and am on your side as a friend.
Thanks a lot.
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Old August 14th, 2016, 06:47 AM   #18
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Default Re: I can't deal with it

I'm really sorry to hear about this. Actually to me usa has grown to be one of the worse places to live. And i know from experience some cops in this country are horseshits.
And i guesss you may need counceling. That would help you to forget the traumatic incidents.

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Old October 20th, 2016, 10:20 PM   #19
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Oh wow, this is a horrible situation to be in.
I think that you should try talking to your dad. That is what dads are for!
I'll be praying for you
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Old October 20th, 2016, 11:10 PM   #20
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