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Old March 29th, 2016, 02:19 PM   #1
Student of Magic
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Join Date: May 8, 2014
Location: Gryffindor
Age: 19
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Default Some kind of social anxiety

I feel like I should write this on the forum, perhaps someone may give me a piece of advice or something. I don't really know since when I'm facing these problems, but I think it's been some years already.

I'll tell you about some of the problems that I usually encounter.

I am usually concerned that what I'm saying will be judged, so I do not speak so much and I sometimes try to make like a plan in my mind of what is best to say to sound "cool" in front of others. I really care about my image and what others think of me. When a teacher or anyone puts me down (perhaps saying "puts me down" here is a bit too much) because I didn't do my homework or because I did something wrong or anything like that, I feel awful and like I don't really have control over myself in these moments. What I find really bad about this is that it really affects my life (at least, this is what I think). Sometimes during some of the classes at school, although there is something that I didn't understand about the lesson and I am really curious about the answer, I don't ask the teacher due to the chance of what I'd ask to be ridiculous and already known by many others (I guess you know those moments when the teacher spoke during a whole class about a subject and then, at the end, someone asks something regarding what had been already said at the beginning - and then the laughing comes, he/she was not paying attention to the class). Probably needless to say, I kind of dislike every presentation in front of the class and I am really anxious before going there (and when I am there, sometimes those moments when I feel I don't have control over myself happen again). When I am with a person that doesn't speak so much, I usually sort of struggle to find something to say because I don't want to be found "boring" by that person (and since I don't want to be judged either, I don't really want to say much about myself; I regularly find the subjects that I speak with strangers kind of boring anyway) and that I find silence awkward in these moments.

I'm not sure if I have some sort of social anxiety and all of these problems are like offshoots of it or not, but the thing is that I do not want to be like that. I think that everybody is unique and should be theirselves no matter what other people think. However, although I think that, I still have these problems. Perhaps what I find the worst are the presentations. During some of them, I felt like my mind just blocked and I couldn't say anything (and, for me, being stuck during a presentation is really embarassing). What is more, my dream is to become a teacher, and that involves much staying in front of a class, lol.

I don't really want to sound desperate, but I would appreciate any tips on this. Thank you.

Last edited by Student of Magic; March 31st, 2016 at 09:26 AM.
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Old March 30th, 2016, 04:33 AM   #2
Primenumber
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Join Date: June 17, 2015
Age: 17
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Default Re: Some kind of social anxiety

I am the same. I moved to another country 4 years ago and moved schools 3 times. At times it became so bad i did not open my mouth at all, because i was afraid my (almost nonexistant) accent would be heard. I hid in the bathroom in the breaks and turned down everyone who approached me.
After two years, I moved to a very small private school. We are 9 people in the class. The improvement is unbelievable. We are all great friends.
Anyway, there is still remains of that shyness. I am genuinely afraid of parties, I tend to impulsively cancel plans, I experience anxiety before calling some of my good friends.
I cannot diagnose you with anything, but you could give yourself the social anxiety label.
Try to care less. It helped me a lot, to become a sort of person who goes with the flow and never seems stressed.
As for presentations, I have a whole strategy which helped me eliminate almost all stress. Prepare well, but speak like you are impovising, like you didn't practice. Imagine you are cooler than the others (no dirty comments, but imagine they are all naked and you are the only dressed person in the room)
Practice public speaking. Not all teachers are extroverts.
Just keep on going. People tend to subconsciously respect those who go above social image.
_

"Perhaps he knew, as I did not, that the earth was made round so we would not see too far down the road"

~Karen Blixen (Isak Dinesen) "Out of Africa"

Last edited by Primenumber; March 30th, 2016 at 04:36 AM.
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Old August 29th, 2016, 05:30 AM   #3
Ineedyou
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Age: 18
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Default Re: Some kind of social anxiety

Quote:
Originally Posted by Student of Magic View Post
I feel like I should write this on the forum, perhaps someone may give me a piece of advice or something. I don't really know since when I'm facing these problems, but I think it's been some years already.

I'll tell you about some of the problems that I usually encounter.

I am usually concerned that what I'm saying will be judged, so I do not speak so much and I sometimes try to make like a plan in my mind of what is best to say to sound "cool" in front of others. I really care about my image and what others think of me. When a teacher or anyone puts me down (perhaps saying "puts me down" here is a bit too much) because I didn't do my homework or because I did something wrong or anything like that, I feel awful and like I don't really have control over myself in these moments. What I find really bad about this is that it really affects my life (at least, this is what I think). Sometimes during some of the classes at school, although there is something that I didn't understand about the lesson and I am really curious about the answer, I don't ask the teacher due to the chance of what I'd ask to be ridiculous and already known by many others (I guess you know those moments when the teacher spoke during a whole class about a subject and then, at the end, someone asks something regarding what had been already said at the beginning - and then the laughing comes, he/she was not paying attention to the class). Probably needless to say, I kind of dislike every presentation in front of the class and I am really anxious before going there (and when I am there, sometimes those moments when I feel I don't have control over myself happen again). When I am with a person that doesn't speak so much, I usually sort of struggle to find something to say because I don't want to be found "boring" by that person (and since I don't want to be judged either, I don't really want to say much about myself; I regularly find the subjects that I speak with strangers kind of boring anyway) and that I find silence awkward in these moments.

I'm not sure if I have some sort of social anxiety and all of these problems are like offshoots of it or not, but the thing is that I do not want to be like that. I think that everybody is unique and should be theirselves no matter what other people think. However, although I think that, I still have these problems. Perhaps what I find the worst are the presentations. During some of them, I felt like my mind just blocked and I couldn't say anything (and, for me, being stuck during a presentation is really embarassing). What is more, my dream is to become a teacher, and that involves much staying in front of a class, lol.

I don't really want to sound desperate, but I would appreciate any tips on this. Thank you.
I used to be just like you, being bi it was kind of hard to fit in. So I would find myself being a mute. What really got me out of this was finding friends in the classes you have, my friends gave me the support that helped me be myself. It's hard to break social anxiety, but just remember, if you mess up a presentation or get called out in class... everyone is going to forget about it in a week.

Also, i dont recommend this, but if the stage fright is extremely bad, you can ask your teacher to skip it or do it with just her at lunch. Most teachers understand.
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