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Old May 5th, 2016, 06:55 AM   #1
Powerade1999
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Join Date: March 26, 2016
Location: Australia
Gender: Female
Default Why you shouldn't start. (Trigger Warning)

3 Years since I last harmed myself.
Still to this day I get bursts of want just as much as the first day I stopped.
I cannot imagine the pain of the blade against my skin, nor can I bring myself to take a blade to my skin. (God knows I have tried)
But I still crave the feeling of pressure on those points.
I cant write this without having to push my fingers into the palm of my hands and my foot into the back of my knee.

It makes me all jittery.


Please, just don't take that step into a pit that you cannot get out of.

I guess its just another night alone
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Old May 6th, 2016, 04:04 PM   #2
ValentinClarke
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Default Re: Why you shouldn't start. (Trigger Warning)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Powerade1999 View Post
3 Years since I last harmed myself.
Still to this day I get bursts of want just as much as the first day I stopped.
I cannot imagine the pain of the blade against my skin, nor can I bring myself to take a blade to my skin. (God knows I have tried)
But I still crave the feeling of pressure on those points.
I cant write this without having to push my fingers into the palm of my hands and my foot into the back of my knee.

It makes me all jittery.


Please, just don't take that step into a pit that you cannot get out of.
3 years... Congratulations, I can't imagine that that was easy. I'm on 16 weeks myself, and it's going good. That feeling of that blade... I don't know how to describe it, it kinda makes me feel sorry for the old me...
VC

Pm me if you need to talk about anything I post, or if you need some help
16 - Straight/Curious
Valentin
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Old May 6th, 2016, 07:24 PM   #3
Sublime Demonz
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Default Re: Why you shouldn't start. (Trigger Warning)

I could not agree more. I wish I had never started four years ago. I'm 7 months clean now, and the longest I've gone is 2 years. I still feel it every day. The temptation is always there, even when I don't feel upset. I could be happy as ever and all of a sudden it's there. It's tough, and if I had known better when I was younger and understood that it wouldn't get me anywhere I haven't already been, I never would've done it in the first place.

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Old May 6th, 2016, 11:46 PM   #4
Powerade1999
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Default Re: Why you shouldn't start. (Trigger Warning)

Quote:
Originally Posted by ValentinClarke View Post
3 years... Congratulations, I can't imagine that that was easy. I'm on 16 weeks myself, and it's going good. That feeling of that blade... I don't know how to describe it, it kinda makes me feel sorry for the old me...
VC
A few months after I decided to stop I fell of the wagon, but it wasn't even enjoyable, and it hurt and sucked.
Yet I still want to

I guess its just another night alone
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Old May 7th, 2016, 12:53 PM   #5
Fiction
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Default Re: Why you shouldn't start. (Trigger Warning)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Powerade1999 View Post
3 Years since I last harmed myself.
Still to this day I get bursts of want just as much as the first day I stopped.
I cannot imagine the pain of the blade against my skin, nor can I bring myself to take a blade to my skin. (God knows I have tried)
But I still crave the feeling of pressure on those points.
I cant write this without having to push my fingers into the palm of my hands and my foot into the back of my knee.

It makes me all jittery.


Please, just don't take that step into a pit that you cannot get out of.
God this post made me think of it and made me all jittery too.

You brought hate, pills and knives,
And this is how the tale begins.
Its your life, exist and wonder why.
When it only fails to work,
It only fails to work sometimes
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