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Old April 25th, 2016, 09:54 PM   #1
Gewilliamson
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Default I don't know who I am??

I'm thirteen, and I guess you could say I'm going through an "identity crisis." I've always felt different from other people my age when it comes to friends, "dating," texting, and just doing things a lot of people my age are able to do and have without really p thinking about it. I always seem to over analyze and overthink the littlest things, and most of the time, I feel like every time I go out in public or am with friends, I'm playing a really scary game where if I don't say the right things, or I'm too quiet, they're all going to get bored with me eventually, and I'm going to lose all of my friends. For the longest time, I've wondered why all of these things happen, and I think it's because Ive never really known who I am, if that makes any sense. For most of my life I've been know as the quiet girl, and _____'s little sister, and I'm tired of it. Everyone has told me that I'll "find who I am" as I get older, but when I look around at people my age, they all seem to have more sense of themselves than I do, and it's really frustrating. Any advice?
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Old April 25th, 2016, 11:41 PM   #2
Microcosm
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Default Re: I don't know who I am??

@Gewilliamson,

I used to have this sort of problem. I think that in order for you to feel a bit more confident in your ability to develop yourself socially, it's important that you know this: The root cause of this is most likely not some unchangeable mental illness; it is more likely that it is just the product of social conditioning(i.e. your whole life you've never really been pushed to interact in the "right" way with people, and now you're suddenly realizing that you have to do it every single day in order to fit in).

So, that being said, the answer to your problem, how to change the way you naturally interact with people, is to socially recondition yourself so to speak. For me, this sort of reintegration took about two years before I really felt comfortable around the people in my community. My life had been so structured around this limited group of family and a few friends that I just didn't naturally know how to properly react to people I wasn't used to.

Here is how I socially reconditioned myself: I started imitating the outgoing personalities of others. This actually didn't happen by will; rather, it was sort of subconscious after I realized I needed to change. I looked to others for an example of I ought to act in order to conform better and thus have a more enjoyable social life.

Perhaps imitating others may not work too well for you. That's okay. Some people might have different ways of socially reconditioning themselves. The best thing to do is just to think about it and see methods you can come up with that might work for you.

Just remember that you can change this aspect of yourself. It's actually a really important and useful virtue to be able to conform and fit in with different groups of people. Chances are it will help you in future business ventures as well.

If you'd like to know any more of my thoughts on this or you have questions, feel free to ask.

Hope I helped. Best of luck.
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Old April 25th, 2016, 11:43 PM   #3
Steven1198
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Default Re: I don't know who I am??

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gewilliamson View Post
I'm thirteen, and I guess you could say I'm going through an "identity crisis." I've always felt different from other people my age when it comes to friends, "dating," texting, and just doing things a lot of people my age are able to do and have without really p thinking about it. I always seem to over analyze and overthink the littlest things, and most of the time, I feel like every time I go out in public or am with friends, I'm playing a really scary game where if I don't say the right things, or I'm too quiet, they're all going to get bored with me eventually, and I'm going to lose all of my friends. For the longest time, I've wondered why all of these things happen, and I think it's because Ive never really known who I am, if that makes any sense. For most of my life I've been know as the quiet girl, and _____'s little sister, and I'm tired of it. Everyone has told me that I'll "find who I am" as I get older, but when I look around at people my age, they all seem to have more sense of themselves than I do, and it's really frustrating. Any advice?
Let see
1st I really don't understand what you mean by your situation is cause by you not known yourself well enough, (possibly because I am not experience what you have so I just don't understand) so I will pass that to a another person to give you advice.
From what you said in the post, my guess is you r afraid of people may judging you from what you say. My advice would be take it easy, don't over thinking it too much. If you want to say something, say it, otherwise as you see, you would just remain silence all the time and eventually it will become a cycle. You want to talk but afraid > kept silence > frustrated > want to talk... One way to break the cycle, as I already said, just say what you want. I think you definitely will feel uncomfortable the first few time doing it but you have to do it to break the cycle, otherwise everything will remain the same. If you not do anything different, nothing will change and you will be stuck right there, in the cycle that you created by yourself.

Another thing I want to talk about is your over analyze and overthinking practice. You should take things easier, don't think too hard on it. Be a little more "ignorant", dont get me wrong here, I did not mean that you should become an ignorance, what I mean is you should skip analyzing every single details of a situation/problem or whatever you dealing with. Also if you have a close friend, tell them to keep track of you, remain you so that you won't automatically overthinking. Example like me and my cousin, he a bit like you, one day he can't not decided wether he should bring smoothy (healthy drink) or soda (taste good but not healthy), then I ask him which one he consider more, his health or his taste, he answer his health and then I just tell him to bring smoothy and no "but", no change in decision and clear his thought after he had chosen so that he won't think about it in his mind no more.

When you think about it, overthinking is not as bad as you think I would say. When you overthinking, it mean that you definitely have a better self evaluation and smarter decision making. That are the two thing that very important for teenagers to keep themselves from crewed up and involve in bad thing (ex: drugs, pregnancy, etc.). If you could use that to make decision , it would be very good and again, don't thinking too hard or you wont even be able to make any decisions.

p/s: Pardon me if I make any grammar mistake, english is not my 1st language . Also if you are confuse about what am I saying just point it out and I will try my best to explain

Last edited by Steven1198; April 25th, 2016 at 11:44 PM. Reason: make it easier to read
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Old April 30th, 2016, 07:44 PM   #4
holly6
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Default Re: I don't know who I am??

I used to feel like you in the 'finding yourself' area and I'll admit over the past year or so I've been trying to. I know this probably isn't what you want to hear, but it takes time to find out who you are and for some it comes later than others. And you are your own unique person somewhere, like the thoughts you think when nobody else is around, the clothes you wear, the music you listen to. Nobody else has the same combination of those. Don't try and be like other people if that's not who you are.

yooo i'm a little piece of trash you should be my friend though !!!
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