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Old February 4th, 2016, 07:43 PM   #1
UNKNOWN8198
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Name: Tom
Join Date: August 3, 2013
Location: UK
Age: 19
Gender: Neutral
Question Fun People Stuff (not a good description)

Right, not entirely sure which direction this post is going to take, and it's probably going to be a bit erratic, so apologies and here we go.

I have a problem with people, or at least in the sense that I don't think I understand them at all. I have real trouble holding a conversation with anyone, regardless of how close we are, and there are times where I will make a connection with someone, and it goes well for a couple of weeks, but then we seem to run out of things to say and drift apart. I cannot let this happen anymore because it kills me a bit inside every time it happens, and I watch it happen and am currently unable to do anything about it.

The problem, or at least what I think it is, is that I am a very socially awkward person that becomes too emotionally invested in people, and when they then leave I feel as though I have lost a piece of myself in them, or that I somehow let them down. I am also far to analytical when I review things, and am amazing at finding flaws in myself when trying to find reasons for things not working, which just means I overcompensate and act weird.

I have tried to fix it before by just cutting 'people' (in general) out of my life, and although that worked for a month or so, I was still miserable because I need that 'emotional investment', or interaction, and without it I felt different, kind of emptier.

I know I am by no means the only person to be/go through something like this and I was wondering how other people have coped with/found a way to 'fix' it, or at least improve it, because I have got to a stage where I'm about ready to cut people out again.

Thanks for reading, and answering if you do . I'm also happy to answer any futhur questions if it would help.

Hey!! 18/Gay/Gender Neutral/Maths Nerd. You may notice that I have a tendency to overshare in my posts , I'm sorry but I just can't help myself .

Happy to talk about just about anything, so feel free to add me and PM/VM and I'll do my best to help

Maybe I'll be myself when I'm somebody else - Rio
something to remind me of who I used to be

Last edited by UNKNOWN8198; February 4th, 2016 at 09:28 PM. Reason: Rephrasing 4th paragraph
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Old February 4th, 2016, 07:53 PM   #2
Chapperz16
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Name: Josh
Join Date: August 10, 2012
Location: Oxford, England
Gender: Male
Default Re: Fun People Stuff (not a good description)

I know sorta what you mean actually bro. I was recently diagnosed as having an extreme case of sociopathy last year which basically entails that I hold myself to a sense of higher status amongst finding it extremely difficult to process emotion and retain long standing friendships. I used to isolate myself but I realised that there is so much more to you which is released by interacting with the outside world and your friends do so much to help you develop as a person.

I built on my own weaknesses and started off small by just integrating myself with a small number of people as in one or two and I would learn how to make 'small talk' and provide interesting topics for discussion so that if I did run out of stuff to talk about, I could drop in a phrase like 'what do you think of the conflict in Syria' and then new conversation would begin.

Start small and then make sure that the people you hang out with are true friends and like you for who you are and not for any superficial reason.

I hope that helps bud

Feel free to PM me, interested in meeting new people-16/bi
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Old February 5th, 2016, 02:39 AM   #3
amgb
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Default Re: Fun People Stuff (not a good description)

I'm not knowledgable about mental illness, but I have had similar experiences to a certain extent, I think. I find that I'm very emotionally invested in people, especially those close to me. I put my entire heart out there for them, and then when they leave it feels like they've taken away my world with them. I overthink and critisize myself way too much as well.

The best worst thing you can do is to avoid it or push it away. Avoiding or pushing away a problem will never fix it, especially anxiety-related problems, because you never learn how to face it and cope with it. I have tried so many times to cut people off out of my life, but we only get lonely and miserable in the end. Invite and welcome people into your life, it will get tiring and confusing at times dealing with people, but it's worth it. Our setbacks and all the relationships/connections that didn't work out in the past doesn't define us as an individual, we can choose to look at them instead as building blocks. You can always choose to let people in or push them out of your life, you just can't control how much emotional effort people invest in you. If someone doesn't want to put in their part, that's their choice, and all you can do is your part. If you just do your part in any kind of relationship, it will be enough. If you find yourself and the other person drifting apart, don't lose spirit. Keep doing your part and if it's not good enough for the other person, don't invest yourself too much in the relationship/friendship. That's how I've been coping: just telling myself that I am enough exactly the way I am. Maybe try and tell yourself the same~
And with the conversation holding, I know that's pretty tricky. If you feel socially awkward you're gonna have troubles with conversation, even amongst good friends. This is what works for me, so I'm not sure if it will do the same for you, but I try to fake confidence in social situations. I think if you're uncomfortable and anxious with a social situation, others will most likely also catch on and feel anxious too. Body language is important, keep your chin and shoulders up when you're talking to people. It will help them feel a bit more relaxed as well as boosting yourself up a little through the way that you hold yourself.

Things will be okay, remember to always keep your mind open~

Raise your words, not voice. It is {light} rain that grows flowers, not thunder. ― Jalaluddin Rumi
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