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Old February 2nd, 2016, 02:46 PM   #1
Primenumber
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Join Date: June 17, 2015
Age: 17
Gender: Cisgender Female
Default My worst fear

I am writing this, because I am afraid. Life is so terribly messy, so disgusting, so painful, and I have just realized how powerless I am.
I remember telling myself at 12 that if it becomes too hard there is always suicide. But I want to live. I want to write a book, become a doctor, see the world and read all the great books that there is to read. I want to live without routine, meet people I want to be with, swim in the lakes, seas and oceans and look at the horizon and watch the sunsets.
Sometimes I don't think I can make it. My life has not been the easiest, but then again, whose life has ever been easy... There is great future ahead to look forward to but I am so overpowered by fear for one specific thing that I do not think I can make it. It has been consuming me for some time now, and for good reasons. I cannot talk about it. All I can do is to hope that it never becomes true. I thought I was becoming better, but today I realized how fragile my sanity is.
This is just a vent, but I needed to write it somewhere. Thank you if you bothered to read it.

"Perhaps he knew, as I did not, that the earth was made round so we would not see too far down the road"

~Karen Blixen (Isak Dinesen) "Out of Africa"
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Old February 3rd, 2016, 01:04 AM   #2
amgb
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Join Date: December 5, 2014
Gender: Undisclosed
Default Re: My worst fear

It's alright to vent and let it out. It lightens your load, even if it's just a little less heavy. I know you only needed to vent, so I won't say too much. If you don't really want to read my response that's okay too~

We will always have fear inside us. But that's the thing: keep fear inside of you, don't let it stand infront of you in your path and block your way to the good things ahead. Good things are going to happen. Whether it's in the next moment, or much, much further down the road, good things will happen. Stand your ground, no matter how intense and wild and messy it gets. If you can take the next step, you've already made it. You'll already be making it one step forward. You can make it.

If you do need to talk, I'm always here to talk~~~

Raise your words, not voice. It is {light} rain that grows flowers, not thunder. ― Jalaluddin Rumi

Last edited by amgb; February 3rd, 2016 at 01:20 AM.
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Old February 3rd, 2016, 01:09 AM   #3
Sheriff McGregor
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Join Date: July 17, 2012
Location: DENVER
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Default Re: My worst fear

Quote:
Originally Posted by Primenumber View Post
I am writing this, because I am afraid. Life is so terribly messy, so disgusting, so painful, and I have just realized how powerless I am.
I remember telling myself at 12 that if it becomes too hard there is always suicide. But I want to live. I want to write a book, become a doctor, see the world and read all the great books that there is to read. I want to live without routine, meet people I want to be with, swim in the lakes, seas and oceans and look at the horizon and watch the sunsets.
Sometimes I don't think I can make it. My life has not been the easiest, but then again, whose life has ever been easy... There is great future ahead to look forward to but I am so overpowered by fear for one specific thing that I do not think I can make it. It has been consuming me for some time now, and for good reasons. I cannot talk about it. All I can do is to hope that it never becomes true. I thought I was becoming better, but today I realized how fragile my sanity is.
This is just a vent, but I needed to write it somewhere. Thank you if you bothered to read it.
Take a deep breath. Focus on the bright future that awaits you. Take a mental picture. Now, let that mental picture motivate you. You can leap over hurdles, push aside boulders and swim through streams. Why? Why not. Don't stop reaching your goal. Don't question that path to success you've envisioned. You are a warrior. Let that sink in.




THESHERIFF
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Old February 3rd, 2016, 01:39 AM   #4
RiHouse
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Name: Riley
Join Date: January 14, 2016
Location: Australia
Gender: Male
Default Re: My worst fear

Everything is ok. I know everything you're feeling right, and I just want you to know that a lot of people have felt this way before, and I promise you. It WILL go away at a certain point. Whether that it be days, months, years. And when that time comes, you'll be so glad you didn't turn to suicide. go out and live your dreams, punch someone in the face, get a degree, go on a holiday. Do whatever you wish to do, there's nothing stopping you.
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