Repressed memories and issues caused by abuse?

As a young child I was physically abused by my mother until she passed when I was seven.
With that extra room available (because my parents didn't sleep in the same room), my uncle moved in and repeatedly raped me until I was eight, when he was put behind bars.

Much of these memories have been repressed, I hardly remember much of my childhood before age thirteen, and most of the memories I do have are just normal ones like losing my first tooth, etc.

My dad and sister recently told me about many things that have happened in the past that I didn't previously know about. Most of the stuff that happened to me, also happened to my sister, but she actually remembers most of it.

Now with this new found information things are starting to make sense. I distrust and fear people to an abnormal degree. My whole body starts shaking when I speak to people, occasionally even my friends. When I notice that I'm getting close to a person I often feel a strong need to isolate myself from them for a long while before talking to them again.

Has anyone else had any issues like this as a result of abuse?
Also, does anyone else have repressed memories?
If so, how did you react when someone told you about something you didn't remember had happened?

Originally Posted by TheGentleHerbivore

Has anyone else had any issues like this as a result of abuse?
Also, does anyone else have repressed memories?
If so, how did you react when someone told you about something you didn't remember had happened?

You've definitely had a lot of trauma. Have you ever had the opportunity to talk to a psychiatrist? Not that it would help, you don't seem like one for talking to people since you've stated you even get anxious talking to your friends. I just wanted to throw that out there.

I've never been abused per say, but I have repressed memories and regrets. They definitely haunt me, whether they come in forms of guilt, fear or anxiety. However, I have a good long-term memory, so things don't really get past me.

Originally Posted by Thunderstorm

You've definitely had a lot of trauma. Have you ever had the opportunity to talk to a psychiatrist? Not that it would help, you don't seem like one for talking to people since you've stated you even get anxious talking to your friends. I just wanted to throw that out there.

Around the end of January my dad set both me and my sister up with a psychiatrist, but lately I've been skipping the appointments. I know I should probably go like I'm supposed to but speaking to a stranger is terrifying for me.

Originally Posted by TheGentleHerbivore

Around the end of January my dad set both me and my sister up with a psychiatrist, but lately I've been skipping the appointments. I know I should probably go like I'm supposed to but speaking to a stranger is terrifying for me.

Firstly, don't be lazy. Your Dad is paying for this, you might as well use it.

Has it helped? If it hasn't, that's another story.

Originally Posted by TheGentleHerbivore

Around the end of January my dad set both me and my sister up with a psychiatrist, but lately I've been skipping the appointments. I know I should probably go like I'm supposed to but speaking to a stranger is terrifying for me.

you should go. they spent many years of schooling and training to help people for a living. it is a non-judgmental zone and they will very likely be able to help you

Originally Posted by Thunderstorm

Firstly, don't be lazy. Your Dad is paying for this, you might as well use it.

Has it helped? If it hasn't, that's another story.

I do feel bad that I'm letting my fears get in the way of me getting help and putting my dad's money to use rather than making him waste it. I'll try to start going regularly like I'm supposed to.

It has helped a little bit.
But it also hasn't because I've been shaking even more than usual since I started talking to him, because he's a stranger, which is scary for me.
But I guess in a way that's a good thing, I'm facing my fears by talking to him.

Originally Posted by SethfromMI

you should go. they spent many years of schooling and training to help people for a living. it is a non-judgmental zone and they will very likely be able to help you

I know I should just suck it up and go.
I'll definitely try at least.

Originally Posted by TheGentleHerbivore

I do feel bad that I'm letting my fears get in the way of me getting help and putting my dad's money to use rather than making him waste it. I'll try to start going regularly like I'm supposed to.

It has helped a little bit.
But it also hasn't because I've been shaking even more than usual since I started talking to him, because he's a stranger, which is scary for me.
But I guess in a way that's a good thing, I'm facing my fears by talking to him.





I know I should just suck it up and go.
I'll definitely try at least.

Definitely try! It looks like it's helping. You're exiting your comfort zone. Eventually, you'll be comfortable talking!

Originally Posted by TheGentleHerbivore

I do feel bad that I'm letting my fears get in the way of me getting help and putting my dad's money to use rather than making him waste it. I'll try to start going regularly like I'm supposed to.

It has helped a little bit.
But it also hasn't because I've been shaking even more than usual since I started talking to him, because he's a stranger, which is scary for me.
But I guess in a way that's a good thing, I'm facing my fears by talking to him.





I know I should just suck it up and go.
I'll definitely try at least.

well I am not saying it is easy or anything like that. but it will help you and I want you to get help

Repressed memories? Well yes, I don't remember much from about 5 years of my life. I mean, I remember where I went on trips and holidays, I remember my classmates' names, but that's about it. I don't remember what I did at home those years, I don't remember how I felt at home during those 5 years.
Probably the result of the child abuse from my mom that has been happening at the time. Back then it was both physical and emotional, but now I can at least pysically defend myself. Not so much on the emotional part.
One thing that I realize and it makes me very angry is that I didn't care about anything. I was like a zombie: I went to school without thinking what I wore or did, barely talked to my classmates and I'm getting a head ache from thinking about this.

You should definitely go to the psychiatrist if you can. Sometimes I imagine what I would say when I would be in front of one and it makes me feel better. I think I can relate a bit: it's very difficult to talk so openly to strangers.

Repressed memories are mainly caused by extremely traumatic events. Especially taking place in childhood. They call it traumatic amnesia, and it usually stems from childhood sexual abuse, so I believe it is natural that you are experiencing it. From what you have said, you've dealt with a lot of trauma early on in life. I've experienced some abuse in my childhood, but it never formed into repressed memories.

Talking to therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists are all an extremely difficult path to take but it does get easier in time, and I believe it will help you in the long run. It took me a very long time to get in a comfortable level with my therapist, but I definitely saw positive changes in myself once I opened up and got the help I needed.

It can also take time to find a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist who connects well with you, so if the one you currently have doesn't do much for you, there are always several more out there. Don't give up yet just because you feel uncomfortable with talking to a stranger. Sometimes it is beneficial for us to step out of our comfort zones. Keep facing your fears, and don't back down from them. It gradually becomes more natural and you'll start feeling better once you allow yourself to adjust.

I am very sorry you've had to go through all of this and I do hope things get easier for you in the long run. Good luck with everything!

Yes!
My grandfather molested me when I was kid and my grand mom beat me… I don't have much memories about it… my mother thinks that, your brain barry the memories, to stay sane… but I can completely understand, wheat do you mean, about isolating… just know, that you aren't the only one. Contact with me freely if you want to.

I can understand this on many levels
I was physically abused by mom, sexually by my uncle for years
I now suffer from PSTD ODD and IED due to my rage and anger
I've made a lot of progress since I've been out of their care, but it isn't easy
Your not alone, there are actually many survivors here in VT
Many just don't like to talk publicly about it, but it does help in the long run to talk...