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Old August 18th, 2015, 08:06 PM   #1
ObliviousCat
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Post Emotionally abusive relationship.

I was in an emotionally abusive relationship with a guy for a year. We broke up for a second (and the last) time a couple of days after our anniversary when he took me to Burbank and our entire date consisted of arguments and anxiety on my end.

In the beginning, he was almost perfect. We didn't have our first big argument until a few months down the road. He was very caring and supportive, and quite frankly, was the one who helped me overcome the anorexia I had. He ran over to my house once to stop me from committing suicide, telling me his world would fall apart without me by his side. Sounds sweet, right? Just wait.
A couple of months ago my mom and I were forced to get rid of our two amazing dogs and move out after being kicked out of our old apartment. Our manager was racist and even though many may not believe it, that was the reason why.

During the process of moving, things started to get weird. It was like a mask had been lifted. He was starting to make me feel inferior to him and was starting to reject me in conversation, not valuing my opinion or hearkening to my words. Upon expressing my feelings, he would turn angry and put me down. He would threaten to leave me over silly things and call my panic attacks "bitchy outbursts". He became an influence on my severe depression, but because of my mental instability, I became dependent on him. Very dependent.

One day, he stopped talking. For three weeks he didn't message me or read my texts and I was losing it. I was going to commit suicide when I left him one last text message. He called me on the phone and we found out it was a whole misunderstanding. He wasn't, apparently, getting my texts (on Kik) at all.
On our anniversary we met up at the place we had our first date and he spilled the beans.
"You don't look like you want to be here," I commented, noticing his lack of expression.
He shrugged his shoulders. "Not really."
"Then," I pressed on, "why are you here?"
"For you."
"For me?"
"You need me."
"I don't need you. I just want you."
"I never loved you," he said. "Maybe for a month or two. But once I realized how dependent you were, I couldn't leave. It would've been dangerous."
"Dangerous?" I had asked, shifting uncomfortably, my heart dropping after hearing his words.
"Yeah. If I left you, you would've committed suicide, and everyone would blame me for it. I don't want trouble. I don't need trouble."
It crushed me.
I was defensive about it and according to him I displayed independence at that point, which, in his own words, "rekindled the fire." He suddenly "loved" me again.

He came over and spent the night that Friday as usual and we had sex (once again, as usual). Now that I look back, it's the only thing we ever seemed happy to be doing together.
The following Sunday, he took me out. All Hell broke loose. I was so fed up with him and everything I've been through with him.
He didn't care about me, he only cared about saving his ass. I put up with all the put downs, name-calling, verbal abuse, and being taken advantage of...for nothing, really. Nothing but to save him.

That night when he took me home, I told him he needed to bring my stuff back. He said he'd bring it the following Sunday but he never came. It's been a month. He blocked my number which I found out when I texted him to ask about bringing it back. My mom called and left a voice message asking him to return my stuff but he never responded. He has my sweater and a gift from someone I worked with while volunteering. A meditation CD for when I have panic attacks.
That fucker will never return it.

I never really got this out of my system...just carried it with me. For a while I believed everything he told me. That I'm a weak person, independent, a burden, etc. I think it's good to write about it, though. I never really had anyone to talk to about it.
When some of my friends found out, they weren't surprised at all. Neither was my mom. They told me they already figured it out.

The sad truth is that when you're in an abusive relationship, the people around you tend to notice it before you do...before it's too late. And, unfortunately, if my friends and my mother would've told me a long time ago, I would've thought they were crazy. I couldn't see it...until it was too late.
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Old August 18th, 2015, 09:48 PM   #2
StoppingTom
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Default Re: Emotionally abusive relationship.

Holy crap. I'm sorry you had to go through all that, no one deserves to have to deal with someone like that OR feel the way you have. You seem pretty levelheaded talking about this, but I hope you certainly don't believe what he said about you. Maybe he didn't understand what you were going through, or maybe (most likely) he was just a dick, but in the end nothing excuses that kind of behavior, and it took guts for you to share that.


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Old August 18th, 2015, 10:34 PM   #3
ObliviousCat
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Default Re: Emotionally abusive relationship.

Quote:
Originally Posted by aEON View Post
Holy crap. I'm sorry you had to go through all that, no one deserves to have to deal with someone like that OR feel the way you have. You seem pretty levelheaded talking about this, but I hope you certainly don't believe what he said about you. Maybe he didn't understand what you were going through, or maybe (most likely) he was just a dick, but in the end nothing excuses that kind of behavior, and it took guts for you to share that.
It's alright. The good thing is that I learned from it and in the future I can notice the signs before it's too late. I don't think he really understood but he was probably a little bit of both. =P
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