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Old May 10th, 2015, 10:04 AM   #1
nickisrc
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Default Do I need to see someone?

Hi,

Thanks for taking the time to read this, it took a lot of courage to come out with this all so I appreciate it. The thing is that I don't know what is happening with me, I want to just disappear of the face of this planet, I have my suicide all planned out but I will never do it I know as I still love people here and I don't want to cause a fuss. I always have voices telling me to hurry up and just kill myself and it normally sinks in that I need to. The voices also tell me to keep a sense of balance in the world, what ever I touch with one hand I have to touch with the other, I have to organise my life so 2 pens are on each side of the desk and stuff. The voice also tells me if I don't walk around the table in a certain way, or if I don't look up and see how old the car is that just drove by something awful will happen and I will get bad luck. Because of this I have to stay to a strict routine of exact volumes of my radio for exact time periods, if I stop that now I just think something bad will happen.
I have never and will never cut my self. I will sometimes hurt myself, but never so that anyone can see. I have no real confidence to be myself and although I have had a girlfriend for over a year, I am never who I want to be around her. She thinks why I'm crying my eyes out some times is the exam stress (I have GCSE's starting in 2 days) but this has gone on for a while now, and I have always had these voices.
The smallest things will set me off, if I don't hug my girlfriend then I will be all fucked up for a couple days but then if I have a really good result or a good laugh with her then I will be laughing with happinesses. I do worry what will happen to me when I do have to leave her next year (we might be going different colleges)
Do I need to see anyone? I know everyone is like this and I don't want to be a burden on our already stretched NHS but do I need to see a doctor? Anyone got similar things to me that have been diagnosed?
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Old May 10th, 2015, 10:19 AM   #2
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Default Re: Do I need to see someone?

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Originally Posted by nickisrc View Post
Hi,

Thanks for taking the time to read this, it took a lot of courage to come out with this all so I appreciate it. The thing is that I don't know what is happening with me, I want to just disappear of the face of this planet, I have my suicide all planned out but I will never do it I know as I still love people here and I don't want to cause a fuss. I always have voices telling me to hurry up and just kill myself and it normally sinks in that I need to. The voices also tell me to keep a sense of balance in the world, what ever I touch with one hand I have to touch with the other, I have to organise my life so 2 pens are on each side of the desk and stuff. The voice also tells me if I don't walk around the table in a certain way, or if I don't look up and see how old the car is that just drove by something awful will happen and I will get bad luck. Because of this I have to stay to a strict routine of exact volumes of my radio for exact time periods, if I stop that now I just think something bad will happen.
I have never and will never cut my self. I will sometimes hurt myself, but never so that anyone can see. I have no real confidence to be myself and although I have had a girlfriend for over a year, I am never who I want to be around her. She thinks why I'm crying my eyes out some times is the exam stress (I have GCSE's starting in 2 days) but this has gone on for a while now, and I have always had these voices.
The smallest things will set me off, if I don't hug my girlfriend then I will be all fucked up for a couple days but then if I have a really good result or a good laugh with her then I will be laughing with happinesses. I do worry what will happen to me when I do have to leave her next year (we might be going different colleges)
Do I need to see anyone? I know everyone is like this and I don't want to be a burden on our already stretched NHS but do I need to see a doctor? Anyone got similar things to me that have been diagnosed?
Yes get help, I know the nhs is stretched but that's what it's there for. I went about a 3 months ago to get help with depression. It's worth getting help
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Old May 10th, 2015, 10:28 AM   #3
nickisrc
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Default Re: Do I need to see someone?

I don't even know if I am depressed though, just because I want to kill myself occasionally shouldn't mean anything.
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Old May 10th, 2015, 10:38 AM   #4
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Default Re: Do I need to see someone?

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I don't even know if I am depressed though, just because I want to kill myself occasionally shouldn't mean anything.
Just go if it's nothing you go on know your find. If it's something you can get the help you need
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Old May 10th, 2015, 10:39 AM   #5
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Default Re: Do I need to see someone?

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I don't even know if I am depressed though, just because I want to kill myself occasionally shouldn't mean anything.
Yes, it should. Suicidal thoughts are not normal, and the balance feeling is not right too. If you have heard voices, and have suicidal thoughts, then there is somethign wrong, and you do need to see someone. A school nurse, a GP, doctor, school teacher. Even just telling a friend may help you. You just have to tell someone, otherwise it will only get worse. It may seem like the scariest thing on earth, but it will help. CAMS (Child and Adolescent Mental Services) can help too. Childine, can help. Please, PM me, if you want to talk more, I'm currently going through with the CAMS route, so I'll tell you what goes on.
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Old May 10th, 2015, 10:48 AM   #6
nickisrc
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I don't really want my parents to think I'm like this, and it is already difficult enough to hide it. They are do traditional and I will have let them down if they realise I am like this.
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Old May 10th, 2015, 10:57 AM   #7
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I don't really want my parents to think I'm like this, and it is already difficult enough to hide it. They are do traditional and I will have let them down if they realise I am like this.
It's okay, wherever you are, they should be able to give you patient confidentiality. You control what the doctor does. Okay? Don't worry. Is it okay if i ask what country you are in so that I can give you relevant information?
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Old May 10th, 2015, 11:02 AM   #8
nickisrc
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England, I'm only 16 I don't know if I am enough of a problem really... And I don't really want to get better, I don't quite see the point in it, I just want to know how much of a monumental fuck up I am
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Old May 10th, 2015, 11:09 AM   #9
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England, I'm only 16 I don't know if I am enough of a problem really... And I don't really want to get better, I don't quite see the point in it, I just want to know how much of a monumental fuck up I am
Trust me, it is a problem. Don't worry. If you worry about it, it's a problem. They will find out how messed up your head is, because it will get more noticeable. Suicidal thoughts alone are a problem. Combined with hearing voices, and the tendencies towards OCD behavior, there is something wrong. Please consult a medical professional.
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Old May 10th, 2015, 11:16 AM   #10
nickisrc
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Default Re: Do I need to see someone?

Thank you, I think I will go and see someone in over a month as I don't want extra pressure when I have exams
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Old May 10th, 2015, 03:39 PM   #11
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Default Re: Do I need to see someone?

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I don't even know if I am depressed though, just because I want to kill myself occasionally shouldn't mean anything.
I'd have to disagree entirely, here.

This is a very big deal... Suicidal thoughts can be very harmful. Also, pertaining to your situation specifically, you could have a serious mental disorder if you are hearing voices. There are people out there that can really help you. There are therapeutic programs. If you don't want to tell anyone or if you are shy in telling anyone, then that's okay. There are still other options for you.

I did a little research for you and I found this amazing website that I think could be very beneficial to you: Click me.
I'm not trying to advertise or anything but that website is free and you can just chat with people whenever you are having problems. Also, VirtualTeen is a wonderful outlet whenever you need to talk to someone. If you ever need anyone to chat with or you are having suicidal thoughts, you can post on VT and just talk about it to calm your nerves. However, if things get really bad and you need help now, definitely call a suicide hotline. Click here to see a list of suicide hotlines.
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Old May 10th, 2015, 04:14 PM   #12
nickisrc
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Default Re: Do I need to see someone?

Thanks, it really means a lot to he able to talk to someone about this. I'm so glad that I found this website, thank you.
I will try and download that apo sometime, my internet will not allow me to get it at the moment.
It's really nice to receive some attention for once, it means a lot to me.
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Old May 11th, 2015, 12:19 AM   #13
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Default Re: Do I need to see someone?

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Originally Posted by nickisrc View Post
Thanks, it really means a lot to he able to talk to someone about this. I'm so glad that I found this website, thank you.
I will try and download that apo sometime, my internet will not allow me to get it at the moment.
It's really nice to receive some attention for once, it means a lot to me.
This website is quite wonderful when it comes to the necessity for an outlet of emotions. Definitely stick around, my friend. You can meet some great people and solve some bad problems on this website.
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Old May 11th, 2015, 12:46 AM   #14
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Default Re: Do I need to see someone?

Quote:
Originally Posted by nickisrc View Post
Thanks, it really means a lot to he able to talk to someone about this. I'm so glad that I found this website, thank you.
I will try and download that apo sometime, my internet will not allow me to get it at the moment.
It's really nice to receive some attention for once, it means a lot to me.
Yeah man, always reach out for help, just talk to a school counselor or whoever is responsible and caring enough to listen and advise you.

We do all go thru phases, feelings and emotions...but that does NOT mean we must do it alone or that we should fear that being honest and talking to people who can help us deal or find us someone who can help.

I have severe ADD, and went through tough times before they diagnosed me. I was afraid to ask for help and man it changed my life when I did and it was so much worry for nothing. Since being diagnosed I have gained a great interest in Psychology and learned so much ... when you Know Better..you Do Better!

Just take that first step and please do it even IF you are having a good day. Thats the best time. You might just have some temporary depression or you might have something like I do, that requires medications and awareness therapy to help you turn your "DOWNS - UP".

Nothing is worth taking your life or even having to deal with shit alone. Been there, done that and suffered in silence for nothing. Help was within "spittin' distance" as we say in the south.

This too shall pass, or you'll figure out how to pass it!
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