Virtual Teen Forums
 

Go Back   Virtual Teen Forums > >
Register Blogs FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read Chat Room

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old June 13th, 2008, 06:35 PM   #21
Hyper
VT Lover
 
Join Date: July 3, 2006
Location: Glacier
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Default Re: Raising Self Confidence

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rex View Post
The fact of the matter is that I just can't... If I try convincing her she'll get mad at me.It's just something she thinks I need to overcome. It sucks... and I couldn't get an apointment without her knowing, when things are starting to get hectic and we're get ready for vacation soon.
If your totally afraid to play music in front of people.. Then you have to see a professional.. Do some research on it and if you can't convince her find some sort of a way.

I'm tough, rough, ready and able
To pick myself up from under this table
Don't stick no sign on me, I got no label
I'm a little sick, unsure, unsound and unstable

But I'm fighting my way back
Hyper is offline   Reply With Quote
Old June 13th, 2008, 06:39 PM   #22
Mzor203
VT Lover
 
Name: Rex
Join Date: February 28, 2008
Location: Canada
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 1
Default Re: Raising Self Confidence

I'm not afraid to the point where I can't do it. It's just extreme nervousness.

The weird thing is that this all seemed to start this year... last year I could play a piece no problem in front of a group of people. No nervousness at all. This year... it's worse. Waaay worse.

As I stated before, seeing someone just isn't going to happen anytime soon. Once the 23rd comes, I'm going to have no chance at all because we'll need a car to go anywhere.

Sorry guys, I'm not trying to be stubborn, I wish I could take all your advice and use it, but there are just things from stopping me.
Mzor203 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old June 13th, 2008, 10:36 PM   #23
IAMSAM
Legendary Member
 
Name: Sam!
Join Date: July 14, 2007
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 1
Default Re: Raising Self Confidence

It's harder when you have a parent who won't listen. But that cannot be changed, i guess you already know that, too.

I wasn't aware about your dad. I'm sorry about that, Rex, FWIW, I think he's missing out on a something special with someone special.

I mentioned music b/c it's an activity you enjoy, that you feel reasonably confident at, and that puts you into contact with others. Maybe you can use it to make new friends and do different things with. Maybe you could build a support network there, others who you have a common interest with often make it easier to branch out and do other things with. We all need to eat, esp after practice. Why not ask a cellist to a burger? or a flutist? maybe the percussionist? Get my drift here?

if you cannot count on either of your parents here, i think you need to roll up your sleeves and do the work by yourself. Which might not be such a bad thing as it gives you the added opportunity to be independent, too.
IAMSAM is offline   Reply With Quote
Old June 14th, 2008, 06:09 AM   #24
Hyper
VT Lover
 
Join Date: July 3, 2006
Location: Glacier
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Default Re: Raising Self Confidence

Quote:
Originally Posted by IAMSAM View Post
It's harder when you have a parent who won't listen. But that cannot be changed, i guess you already know that, too.

I wasn't aware about your dad. I'm sorry about that, Rex, FWIW, I think he's missing out on a something special with someone special.

I mentioned music b/c it's an activity you enjoy, that you feel reasonably confident at, and that puts you into contact with others. Maybe you can use it to make new friends and do different things with. Maybe you could build a support network there, others who you have a common interest with often make it easier to branch out and do other things with. We all need to eat, esp after practice. Why not ask a cellist to a burger? or a flutist? maybe the percussionist? Get my drift here?

if you cannot count on either of your parents here, i think you need to roll up your sleeves and do the work by yourself. Which might not be such a bad thing as it gives you the added opportunity to be independent, too.
But you of all people should know if he does have a real anxiety disorder he does need to see a professional.

A real anxiety disorder is like clinical depression it wont go away without the right meds.

And it could be that you've developed one within the last year or that you are still developing it. But yeah thats just my stubborness..

I think you've got a thread full of a variety of advice from different people, its all up to you basically.

I'm tough, rough, ready and able
To pick myself up from under this table
Don't stick no sign on me, I got no label
I'm a little sick, unsure, unsound and unstable

But I'm fighting my way back
Hyper is offline   Reply With Quote
Old June 14th, 2008, 06:25 AM   #25
robbiehay1
Nice Poster
 
robbiehay1's Forum Picture
 
Name: Robbie
Join Date: January 13, 2008
Location: wales, uk
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Default Re: Raising Self Confidence

well im very shy myself and since i built myself up a bit i seem to be more confident so maybe that could work for you. Also someone mentioned martial arts that does work


The Teen Centre
A Govteen Network Member





robbiehay1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old June 14th, 2008, 07:04 AM   #26
IAMSAM
Legendary Member
 
Name: Sam!
Join Date: July 14, 2007
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 1
Default Re: Raising Self Confidence

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hyper View Post
But you of all people should know if he does have a real anxiety disorder he does need to see a professional.

A real anxiety disorder is like clinical depression it wont go away without the right meds.

And it could be that you've developed one within the last year or that you are still developing it. But yeah thats just my stubborness..

I think you've got a thread full of a variety of advice from different people, its all up to you basically.
And as always, your advice is right on!

I agree that he'd do well to see a professional, but it doesn't sound as if that will happen, so we have to work with what we've got.

I like the idea of using music as a way of making new friends, of using your relative comfort in that setting and with those people to branch out into other activites with them. Use your comfort with the activity you now share with them to build in new activities. the way to improve self confidence really is to be with people, to get out into the world more, and out of your head!

It's not surprising that this issue has become more apparent in the last year or so, it coinsides with puberty/adolescence. All those changes bring out all the insecurity, and if you donlt have the support and recognition and acknowledgement from your folks, it makes it worse. We can't change that, but you can change your outlook by getting out there. Be careful not to fall into the trap of justifying inaction, you might need to do something a bit different, tolerate the discomfort, in order to feel better.
IAMSAM is offline   Reply With Quote
Old June 14th, 2008, 10:14 PM   #27
theOperaGhost
Banned
 
Join Date: December 21, 2007
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 9
Default Re: Raising Self Confidence

Quote:
Originally Posted by IAMSAM View Post
And as always, your advice is right on!

I agree that he'd do well to see a professional, but it doesn't sound as if that will happen, so we have to work with what we've got.

I like the idea of using music as a way of making new friends, of using your relative comfort in that setting and with those people to branch out into other activites with them. Use your comfort with the activity you now share with them to build in new activities. the way to improve self confidence really is to be with people, to get out into the world more, and out of your head!

It's not surprising that this issue has become more apparent in the last year or so, it coinsides with puberty/adolescence. All those changes bring out all the insecurity, and if you donlt have the support and recognition and acknowledgement from your folks, it makes it worse. We can't change that, but you can change your outlook by getting out there. Be careful not to fall into the trap of justifying inaction, you might need to do something a bit different, tolerate the discomfort, in order to feel better.
Right on, there. That sums up a lot. He said it best. The way to improve self confidence is to be with people. Get out of your comfort zone more often, then it will become more comfortable.
theOperaGhost is offline   Reply With Quote
Old June 14th, 2008, 10:27 PM   #28
IAMSAM
Legendary Member
 
Name: Sam!
Join Date: July 14, 2007
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 1
Default Re: Raising Self Confidence

Quote:
Originally Posted by thePianoMan View Post
Right on, there. That sums up a lot. He said it best. The way to improve self confidence is to be with people. Get out of your comfort zone more often, then it will become more comfortable.
Why thank you, Jared! Very agreeable, I like that so much! And you always manage to paraphrase what I've said so much more eloquently and to the point than I can! LOL!
IAMSAM is offline   Reply With Quote
Old June 15th, 2008, 01:30 AM   #29
Mzor203
VT Lover
 
Name: Rex
Join Date: February 28, 2008
Location: Canada
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 1
Default Re: Raising Self Confidence

I'll try. That's really all I can say at this point.

Just a while ago our town orchestra, which I am part of, had its year end concert. Afterwards a bunch of people were going out to have pizza... and of course I came up with an excuse as to why I couldn't go.

On a slightly happier note, I play the timpanis a lot in orchestra, and basically all I ever here is, "Rex, play louder!" (That sounds weird as Rex isn't actually my name haha)

But anyways, tonight I somehow found it in me to play out. In the real concert, which is odd when I had problems with that just in practice. So I have something to be proud of.

Continuing on that happy note, I had a gig with my school jazz band, (I play the drums), and today was the only day I played my solo I had with ease and without nervousness.

But both these things were in larger ensembles, it still remains to be seen what happens when I play a violin solo in front of a large crowd.
Mzor203 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old June 15th, 2008, 08:08 AM   #30
Hyper
VT Lover
 
Join Date: July 3, 2006
Location: Glacier
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Default Re: Raising Self Confidence

Yes helping to concentrate on the positive and using your passions as an advantage is also a must

Well anyway I hope all goes well for you

I'm tough, rough, ready and able
To pick myself up from under this table
Don't stick no sign on me, I got no label
I'm a little sick, unsure, unsound and unstable

But I'm fighting my way back
Hyper is offline   Reply With Quote
Old June 15th, 2008, 09:28 AM   #31
IAMSAM
Legendary Member
 
Name: Sam!
Join Date: July 14, 2007
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 1
Talking Re: Raising Self Confidence

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rex View Post
I'll try. That's really all I can say at this point.

Just a while ago our town orchestra, which I am part of, had its year end concert. Afterwards a bunch of people were going out to have pizza... and of course I came up with an excuse as to why I couldn't go.

On a slightly happier note, I play the timpanis a lot in orchestra, and basically all I ever here is, "Rex, play louder!" (That sounds weird as Rex isn't actually my name haha)

But anyways, tonight I somehow found it in me to play out. In the real concert, which is odd when I had problems with that just in practice. So I have something to be proud of.

Continuing on that happy note, I had a gig with my school jazz band, (I play the drums), and today was the only day I played my solo I had with ease and without nervousness.

But both these things were in larger ensembles, it still remains to be seen what happens when I play a violin solo in front of a large crowd.
Well, good onya!(I love that expression). I think you're making progress. Remember, it's hard changing behaviors, you have to really struggle with the urge to not to, to NOT come up with an excuse to crawl back into your spider hole!

It get's easier, though. it's just that it's new, doing new things, tolerating the new anxiety. But that wears off as the newness wears off. Just keep at it.

As an FYI, we tell the percussionists to 'Play louder!' (and always with the exclamation point!) all the time, it's just something that goes along with it, don't take it personally!

And you can tell us your real name, we won't tell anyone or come for you in the middle of the night or anything.


Congrats again, you took a couple of important first steps here!
IAMSAM is offline   Reply With Quote
Old June 15th, 2008, 05:34 PM   #32
theOperaGhost
Banned
 
Join Date: December 21, 2007
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 9
Default Re: Raising Self Confidence

That's progress, Rex (I know his real name, haha). Gaining more confidence in ensembles will help you gain confidence for solos, and also when you're away from music, just as yourself.

Haha, we have to tell our percussionists to play softer, because they suck and all they do is pound.
theOperaGhost is offline   Reply With Quote
Old June 16th, 2008, 03:42 AM   #33
Mzor203
VT Lover
 
Name: Rex
Join Date: February 28, 2008
Location: Canada
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 1
Default Re: Raising Self Confidence

I'm like the only percussionist I know who doesn't bang away as loudly as possible when they get the chance. But what can you expect from crazy teenagers.

If you want to find my real name, you're going to have to go dumpster diving in the introductions forum, just as Jared did. It's on the site here, don't worry.

But anyways, yeah, I had a little fail moment yesterday, and I am determined not to mess up my next chance. Recently also I've started trying to be less scared when passing strangers. I've began simply smiling and nodding to them as I pass, saying, "hey", if they acknowledge my presence vocally. It's hard, but I think it's helping me with my other problem. (See this thread http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/sh...ad.php?t=21119)

I want to thank everyone who has tried to help me, and especially Jared and Sam,from the bottom of my heart. I can always depend on coming back the next day to find a helpful and supportive reply or two in this thread. It has helped, no matter how much it may seem it hasn't.
Mzor203 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old June 16th, 2008, 11:15 AM   #34
IAMSAM
Legendary Member
 
Name: Sam!
Join Date: July 14, 2007
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 1
Default Re: Raising Self Confidence

(I'm not one to pry, and unfortunately I don't have time to go thru all the intros, so I suppose you'll just be Rex to me).

Self improvement is an ongoing thing, you have to work at it. So, there will be ups and downs, just don't get discouraged. And keep pushing yourself, you need to learn those new skills, you need to tolerate the newness and unfamiliarity of it, so you can expand your comfort zone to include new things and feelings. A big job, just take it a step at a time, and don't get too far ahead of yourself.

I went back and re read your other post (thanks for the hyper link). As an FYI, if you're not getting the responses you want, and you'd like one from me, just PM me. I might miss some. Jared, on the other hand, is always on top of everything, so he probably won't need such assistance! And besides, we tend to say the same things, anyway.

OK, listen, the middle of the night is a creepy time, It's not surprising you'd be a little freaked out. I don't think this is really that unusual, nor do I think it's 'paranoid'. However, as you rightly pointed out, it is related to your other stuff. Look at it as yet another opportunity to master your feelings (anxiety), either by talking yourself thru it, or doing whatever it is you need to do to get thru it as quickly as possible, and each time, try to make that time shorter.

I think the issue here is a lack of coping skills and tolerance for normal emotion. The emotions you're experiencing are normal, that's not the problem. But, you don't seem to have learned how to master them. That's thr problem. In the absence of control, all these normal feelings get blown out of proportion, they paralyze you.

Get in touch with your inner guy, pretend you're him. Practice at that. Pretend you're your favorite guy, the one who would easily handle these situations.

Last edited by IAMSAM; June 16th, 2008 at 11:24 AM.
IAMSAM is offline   Reply With Quote
Old June 16th, 2008, 11:56 AM   #35
Mzor203
VT Lover
 
Name: Rex
Join Date: February 28, 2008
Location: Canada
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 1
Default Re: Raising Self Confidence

Last night I tried to work on the thing in the middle of the night. This time, I made myself not turn on any lights at all, and just went back to my bed. I managed to do it, but in my mind I was panicking like crazy. I felt like I couldn't breathe. But I think it'll be easier next time, as I will continue to do it, no matter what.

My mom also agreed that it was not a case of paranoia, just anxiety and stronger emotions at work. Another thing she thought might have been affecting it was how she and my dad always fought when I was younger. Those were incredibly stressful times, and I stopped seeing one of my parents too often, so it might be part of it.

It certainly helps posting here though. That's why I love VT.
Mzor203 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old June 16th, 2008, 03:37 PM   #36
IAMSAM
Legendary Member
 
Name: Sam!
Join Date: July 14, 2007
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 1
Default Re: Raising Self Confidence

Doing the night thing without ANY of the lights on might be a bit too much at first. Remember that I suggested to take it slow!

It' s good that you're trying to figure out where this might come from, logic and understanding are the antidote to irrationality and fear.

Certainly if your folks argued at night it would make that time (night time) even more creepy and sinister. Likewise, if your dad wasn't a really strong, nurturing, emotionally available presence in your life it would make it harder to develop those skills needed to master your emotions.

That's why I say you need to get in touch with your 'inner guy' and let him guide you. He's in there, eventhough it seems you might have lost him in all the fog. Try it tonite, let him guide you thru it, tell me how it works.
IAMSAM is offline   Reply With Quote
Old June 16th, 2008, 04:51 PM   #37
Mzor203
VT Lover
 
Name: Rex
Join Date: February 28, 2008
Location: Canada
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 1
Default Re: Raising Self Confidence

Well tonight I'm actually going to be going to bed around 9:00 or 10:00, not 3 in the morning like usual. So not tonight, maybe the next.

I'm kind of confused about what you're trying to say with this 'inner guy' stuff. Could you maybe explain this more?
Mzor203 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old June 16th, 2008, 09:33 PM   #38
IAMSAM
Legendary Member
 
Name: Sam!
Join Date: July 14, 2007
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 1
Default Re: Raising Self Confidence

"Inner guy"= Big, strong man. You know, the master of the universe, the One who can handle anything, leap over giant buildings in a single bounds, and so forth.

I think maybe you're missing that, in all the stuff you grew up with, you missed getting that peice. But, you can recreate it yourself, in your mind. It's in there, find it. Feel it, it's that part of you that is strong and competent and able. Feel it's strength, and use it to get thru the anxiety.
IAMSAM is offline   Reply With Quote
Old June 18th, 2008, 03:35 AM   #39
Mzor203
VT Lover
 
Name: Rex
Join Date: February 28, 2008
Location: Canada
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 1
Default Re: Raising Self Confidence

Ah, okay. Well I'll attempt to, but I just don't think this 'Inner Guy' exists for me. I might have to make him from scratch.
Mzor203 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old June 18th, 2008, 08:45 AM   #40
IAMSAM
Legendary Member
 
Name: Sam!
Join Date: July 14, 2007
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 1
Default Re: Raising Self Confidence

Every guy has it, you just need to work a little hard to find him. He's in there.

Just call on him when you need him, let him talk you thru the rough stuff.
IAMSAM is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:06 PM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright©2000 - 2017
Search Engine Optimisation provided by DragonByte SEO (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2017 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Copyright 2004 - 2017, VirtualTeen.org