Virtual Teen Forums
 

Go Back   Virtual Teen Forums > >
Register Blogs FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read Chat Room

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old November 1st, 2014, 10:36 PM   #1
Dalcourt
Moderator
 
Dalcourt's Forum Picture
 
Name: Peanut
Join Date: February 25, 2014
Location: Crescent City
Gender: Neutral
Blog Entries: 4
Default Should I tell my boyfriend that I was abused?

I'm in the process of starting a relationship with a guy from school. I'm not sure how it will go but I'm wondering if I should tell him that I was sexually abused when I was younger.

Usually I feel too embarrassed to talk about and I don't want people to know it is embarrassing and awkward enough that everyone knows that I'm being physically abused by my Dad but well I dunno...

I mean I don't really have problems but sometimes when I'm intimate with someone I get flashbacks. I used to have boyfriends who didn't realize that at all but others realizedthat I started tensing up or hyperventilating or whatever and asked what was wrong. Most of the time I came up with some excuse cuz I didn't want to talk about having been abused.

It's just ... I always feel like a liar then but admitting those things I'm kinda ashamed.

What would you do? How to go about it? How would you feel/react if your bf/gf told you something like that?
Dalcourt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old November 1st, 2014, 11:31 PM   #2
CosmicNoodle
Resident Twat
 
CosmicNoodle's Forum Picture
 
Name: Joe
Join Date: July 21, 2013
Location: Yo mamas ass
Age: 21
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 3
Default Re: Should I tell my boyfriend that I was abused?

I think you should be honest, that's a big part of a relationship, being honest, and to be honest being intimate is kinda a big thing too. If you have problems you may need to explain why, and it's best to be honest, if he's someone worth being with he'll understand and adapt to the situation.

My names Joe, but you can call me "Lord and master of all space and time"
I'm Bisexual, deal with it
Ask me shit

~Mike was here~
CosmicNoodle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old November 1st, 2014, 11:59 PM   #3
ksdnfkfr
Banned
 
Join Date: August 28, 2013
Gender: Undisclosed
Blog Entries: 3
Default Re: Should I tell my boyfriend that I was abused?

I agree with Joe. But no need to go into details. If someone told me that and said they didn't want to talk about, I'd understand completely. And the way I see it, you didn't do anything wrong that have to admit to, you were victimized.
ksdnfkfr is offline   Reply With Quote
Old November 2nd, 2014, 04:21 AM   #4
James Dean
Rebel
 
James Dean's Forum Picture
 
Name: Charles
Join Date: September 27, 2014
Location: California
Gender: Male
Default Re: Should I tell my boyfriend that I was abused?

If you just met him, if it were me I wouldn't. I would wait until he's someone who I'm comfortable revealing that type of information with. If you do stay together for quite some time, I would open up to him about it. Regardless, if you are in a relationship and have feelings for him, you should be honest with him with any qualms you have. I do wish you the best of luck though.

VM
PM

"You could stop at five or six stores, or just one."
James Dean is offline   Reply With Quote
Old November 3rd, 2014, 03:00 PM   #5
CrazyPerson101
Banned
 
Name: Gammy Num~Nums
Join Date: May 24, 2014
Location: The Lost Island Of Komoochie Poochie :3
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 9
Default Re: Should I tell my boyfriend that I was abused?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Peanut24 View Post
I'm in the process of starting a relationship with a guy from school. I'm not sure how it will go but I'm wondering if I should tell him that I was sexually abused when I was younger.

Usually I feel too embarrassed to talk about and I don't want people to know it is embarrassing and awkward enough that everyone knows that I'm being physically abused by my Dad but well I dunno...

I mean I don't really have problems but sometimes when I'm intimate with someone I get flashbacks. I used to have boyfriends who didn't realize that at all but others realizedthat I started tensing up or hyperventilating or whatever and asked what was wrong. Most of the time I came up with some excuse cuz I didn't want to talk about having been abused.

It's just ... I always feel like a liar then but admitting those things I'm kinda ashamed.

What would you do? How to go about it? How would you feel/react if your bf/gf told you something like that?


Okay... In all relationships, you should be honest, it builds trust in said relationship and in each other. That being said, you should tell him but work it into a conversation. You need to sit down with him and tell him what happened, that way he knows and maybe he'll want to talk to you about it but you have to open up. I just recently told my mom I was sexually abused not to long ago at afriends birthday party infront of everyone .... ( embarrassing but I'm glad I did ). She knows what it feels like ( I was concieved outta that :/ ) so she and I can talk if we need to. He could help you get past that, I have gotten past alot of things, I still do have falshbacks but they don't seem as intense as they where.

(if you need someone to talk to, feel free to talk to me)
CrazyPerson101 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old November 4th, 2014, 09:56 AM   #6
Paladino
Awesome Poster
 
Paladino's Forum Picture
 
Name: Greg
Join Date: May 16, 2009
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Default Re: Should I tell my boyfriend that I was abused?

I think it would be a good idea if you told him, so he can support you. There is no reason to feel ashamed of it because it is not your fault, I have never been in those circumstances so I don't know exactly how the person feels. Honesty is the best policy. If I had a girlfriend and she told me she had been abused when she was younger, I would empathize with her, ask her if she wanted to talk about it if it would make her feel better.

Don't worry about a thing, cause every little thing, is gonna be alright
Paladino is offline   Reply With Quote
Old November 8th, 2014, 12:03 AM   #7
Dalcourt
Moderator
 
Dalcourt's Forum Picture
 
Name: Peanut
Join Date: February 25, 2014
Location: Crescent City
Gender: Neutral
Blog Entries: 4
Default Re: Should I tell my boyfriend that I was abused?

Quote:
Originally Posted by CELT View Post
If you just met him, if it were me I wouldn't. I would wait until he's someone who I'm comfortable revealing that type of information with. If you do stay together for quite some time, I would open up to him about it. Regardless, if you are in a relationship and have feelings for him, you should be honest with him with any qualms you have. I do wish you the best of luck though.
I know him for quite a while, we have been just friends first but the he kinda told me he wanted more. I want to tell him cuz I want to be honest with him. Still, as we know each other for a while...he might want to have an explanation why I didn't tell him as a friend and waited till we get intimate.
And yeah, I'm afraid...afraid of how he'd react.
Dalcourt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old November 8th, 2014, 11:34 AM   #8
MrIncredible
Junior Member+
 
MrIncredible's Forum Picture
 
Name: Ezra Kennedy
Join Date: November 1, 2014
Location: Brooklyn,New York
Gender: Male
Smile Re: Should I tell my boyfriend that I was abused?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Peanut24 View Post
I'm in the process of starting a relationship with a guy from school. I'm not sure how it will go but I'm wondering if I should tell him that I was sexually abused when I was younger.

Usually I feel too embarrassed to talk about and I don't want people to know it is embarrassing and awkward enough that everyone knows that I'm being physically abused by my Dad but well I dunno...

I mean I don't really have problems but sometimes when I'm intimate with someone I get flashbacks. I used to have boyfriends who didn't realize that at all but others realizedthat I started tensing up or hyperventilating or whatever and asked what was wrong. Most of the time I came up with some excuse cuz I didn't want to talk about having been abused.

It's just ... I always feel like a liar then but admitting those things I'm kinda ashamed.

What would you do? How to go about it? How would you feel/react if your bf/gf told you something like that?
I think that if you haven't already you should forgive the person who did those things to you, not for them but for you, because if you live your life resenting that person they will have controll over you and you don't want that

"Be who you are, and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" -Dr. Seuss
MrIncredible is offline   Reply With Quote
Old November 8th, 2014, 01:39 PM   #9
Dalcourt
Moderator
 
Dalcourt's Forum Picture
 
Name: Peanut
Join Date: February 25, 2014
Location: Crescent City
Gender: Neutral
Blog Entries: 4
Default Re: Should I tell my boyfriend that I was abused?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrIncredible View Post
I think that if you haven't already you should forgive the person who did those things to you, not for them but for you, because if you live your life resenting that person they will have controll over you and you don't want that
I have forgiven the person who had sexually abused me long ago...to be honest I feel guilty for having even reported that person. Anyway...
Dalcourt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old November 8th, 2014, 02:06 PM   #10
SethfromMI
Legendary Member
 
SethfromMI's Forum Picture
 
Name: Seth
Join Date: October 10, 2014
Location: Ann Arbor, MI
Age: 20
Gender: Male
Default Re: Should I tell my boyfriend that I was abused?

that is up to you. if you want to then share as much or as little as you want to. if you want to wait I think that is fine too

19 | M | BI

Always Up For A Chat!


~ Seth
SethfromMI is offline   Reply With Quote
Old November 11th, 2014, 08:51 PM   #11
RRay99
Member
 
Name: Renata
Join Date: November 3, 2014
Location: Canada
Gender: Female
Default Re: Should I tell my boyfriend that I was abused?

If you feel ready, I would definitely share. I know my mom was molested growing up by a family friend and it affected her. She said talking about it gave it less control over her and made her feel better. Having said that, its something a lot of guys I'm sure would not know how to react to. He's probably a wonderful guy but have to remember its not about his reaction but you coming to terms with what happened. I wish you the absolute best. What happened doesn't define you.
RRay99 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old December 4th, 2014, 10:42 PM   #12
NathansPen
Junior Member
 
Name: Jonathan
Join Date: June 11, 2014
Gender: Undisclosed
Default Re: Should I tell my boyfriend that I was abused?

Before you tell everything to him you should know him first completely. I agree with you should be honest with him. I know he can understand you.
NathansPen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old December 4th, 2014, 11:16 PM   #13
Captain Canada
Member++
 
Captain Canada's Forum Picture
 
Name: Zephyr
Join Date: December 6, 2013
Location: New York
Age: 19
Gender: Female
Default Re: Should I tell my boyfriend that I was abused?

It would probably be best if you tell him, but don't feel rushed or forced to. Make sure your absolutely comfortable with telling him too... And if he ignores you or breaks up your friendship/starting relationship with you, it's his loss. Like Joe said, being honest is a large part of a relationship especially with such a large and impactful thing such as sexual abuse.

OH CANADA

Bisexual | New Yorker | Hockey Fan

"Why do we fall sir? So we can learn to pick ourselves up again"
Captain Canada is offline   Reply With Quote
Old December 5th, 2014, 10:55 PM   #14
Dalcourt
Moderator
 
Dalcourt's Forum Picture
 
Name: Peanut
Join Date: February 25, 2014
Location: Crescent City
Gender: Neutral
Blog Entries: 4
Default Re: Should I tell my boyfriend that I was abused?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Captain Canada View Post
It would probably be best if you tell him, but don't feel rushed or forced to. Make sure your absolutely comfortable with telling him too... And if he ignores you or breaks up your friendship/starting relationship with you, it's his loss. Like Joe said, being honest is a large part of a relationship especially with such a large and impactful thing such as sexual abuse.
I have posted this more than a month ago and still didn't have to courage to talk to him about it...maybe I won't tell him at all as I feel he won't be interested anyway and our whole relationship will become awkward.
Dalcourt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old December 7th, 2014, 05:12 PM   #15
EpiccMan
New Member
 
EpiccMan's Forum Picture
 
Join Date: December 5, 2014
Location: Spain
Age: 20
Gender: Male
Default Re: Should I tell my boyfriend that I was abused?

Cheers. I think you should tell him, for an open and healthy relationship, but take the time you might need. On the other hand, if you decide not to tell him, that's alright but it could become even more awkward in a future (if things go well) and you tell him or he finds out. You can never know his reaction x)

Feel free to PM me, I'd like to meet some people!
EpiccMan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old January 4th, 2015, 09:05 PM   #16
MonsterBunny
New Member
 
Name: Suzy
Join Date: January 4, 2015
Location: Ohio
Gender: Female
Default Re: Should I tell my boyfriend that I was abused?

My own brother sexually abused me, I told my boyfriend now of 6 months. He listens to me and lets me talk about if I want to, but he has never acted different around me because of it. He still loves me, more and more everyday, he looks past it. I bet your boyfriend will too.
MonsterBunny is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:11 AM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright©2000 - 2018
Search Engine Optimisation provided by DragonByte SEO (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2018 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Copyright 2004 - 2018, VirtualTeen.org