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Old May 12th, 2014, 08:43 PM   #1
Etcetera
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Name: Destiny
Join Date: December 18, 2013
Location: Planet Earth
Age: 21
Gender: Female
Default Am I right?

First, I would like to say that I am not asking for anyone to diagnose me. I just need some input and opinions. If you have an eating disorder, or used to, please tell me that when you respond so I will know what stance you are coming from.

I'm really suspecting that I have some sort of an eating disorder. Here's why:

I used to starve myself. I am about to graduate high school, but that was back during my freshman and sophomore years. I just didn't eat. I never have really been one to eat breakfast. So, really my only meals would even be lunch and dinner. But during my early years of high school I got to the point where I didn't eat anything at all. It was like the emptiness in my stomach felt good, I don't know how to fully explain it, but when my stomach growled, I felt like I deserved what I was doing. One day, one of my teachers saw me sitting in the library during lunch and she came over and asked me what I was doing, and I said that I wasn't hungry. After that, every day for a couple weeks she kept bugging me about it, asking why I wasn't eating. She eventually emailed my mom about it, and my mom talked to the school nurse and asked her to talk to me. Eventually I started going to the cafeteria and just sitting so that they wouldn't bug me about it. I sort of overcame that. Until lately.

I struggle with self-harm, and suicidal tendencies. Today is day 128 of being clean from cutting.

In the past few months, I've noticed that I'm kind of going back to my old ways. I am going through a lot right now. But sometimes I realize at almost 10:00 at night that I haven't eaten a single thing all day, and yet I'm not hungry.

Most days, I don't eat anything. So when I do eat, it makes me sick, and I usually throw up. I feel horrible when I eat. But then there are the few days where I'm really upset or something and I just eat non-stop and not because I'm hungry but because I'm trying to make myself feel better. It's so weird.

And I'm not like anorexic or anything. I currently weigh 230 pounds because of the 15 medicines I have to take daily. They cause weight gain.

I hate my body. I hate the way I look, and always have. I don't think necessarily that I am starving myself to lose weight. But I am very uncomfortable with myself and I hate eating.

So yeah, someone please give me some input here. Because I really don't know what to do. I'm just looking for someone to tell me what they think.

Again, I am not looking for anyone to diagnose me.


Some people are just trying to figure out how to kill
the demons inside their heads without killing themselves.

You Are Worth It <3
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Old May 12th, 2014, 09:40 PM   #2
Luminous
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Join Date: July 21, 2013
Location: USA
Gender: Cisgender Female
Default Re: Am I right?

I'm glad you recognized something is wrong, because this could be very dangerous. Not eating can lead to death in a matter of weeks or even days. If eating is making you sick, it could be some sort of illness. Try and eat small, healthy snacks throughout the day. Experiment a little bit with what you can keep down, for example, crunchy granola bars vs. yogurt. They have very different consistencies and one of those you may hold down better than the other.

I also want to remind you that anorexia doesn't mean you're tiny, at least not at first. Everyone starts somewhere. People of any weight can starve themselves. Also, eating a lot happens to everyone, even people with eating disorders.

I really think you should talk to a professional about this and go back to a healthy diet. I'm sure you've heard this before, but the first step really is realizing you have a problem, which I think you're starting to do. What you do with that information is ultimately your decision, but I recommend getting rid of that problem as well as you can.

I wish you the very best of luck. If you ever want someone to talk to, I'm always here.

val
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Old May 16th, 2014, 02:19 PM   #3
Body odah Man
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Join Date: July 22, 2013
Age: 19
Gender: Male
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Default Re: Am I right?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Etcetera View Post
First, I would like to say that I am not asking for anyone to diagnose me. I just need some input and opinions. If you have an eating disorder, or used to, please tell me that when you respond so I will know what stance you are coming from.

I'm really suspecting that I have some sort of an eating disorder. Here's why:

I used to starve myself. I am about to graduate high school, but that was back during my freshman and sophomore years. I just didn't eat. I never have really been one to eat breakfast. So, really my only meals would even be lunch and dinner. But during my early years of high school I got to the point where I didn't eat anything at all. It was like the emptiness in my stomach felt good, I don't know how to fully explain it, but when my stomach growled, I felt like I deserved what I was doing. One day, one of my teachers saw me sitting in the library during lunch and she came over and asked me what I was doing, and I said that I wasn't hungry. After that, every day for a couple weeks she kept bugging me about it, asking why I wasn't eating. She eventually emailed my mom about it, and my mom talked to the school nurse and asked her to talk to me. Eventually I started going to the cafeteria and just sitting so that they wouldn't bug me about it. I sort of overcame that. Until lately.

I struggle with self-harm, and suicidal tendencies. Today is day 128 of being clean from cutting.

In the past few months, I've noticed that I'm kind of going back to my old ways. I am going through a lot right now. But sometimes I realize at almost 10:00 at night that I haven't eaten a single thing all day, and yet I'm not hungry.

Most days, I don't eat anything. So when I do eat, it makes me sick, and I usually throw up. I feel horrible when I eat. But then there are the few days where I'm really upset or something and I just eat non-stop and not because I'm hungry but because I'm trying to make myself feel better. It's so weird.

And I'm not like anorexic or anything. I currently weigh 230 pounds because of the 15 medicines I have to take daily. They cause weight gain.

I hate my body. I hate the way I look, and always have. I don't think necessarily that I am starving myself to lose weight. But I am very uncomfortable with myself and I hate eating.

So yeah, someone please give me some input here. Because I really don't know what to do. I'm just looking for someone to tell me what they think.

Again, I am not looking for anyone to diagnose me.
I think you might. Still, some people can survive off not a lot of food and it varies from person to person. Thus, I don't know if it's dangerous or not.

Just a chilling teen that hates baths, collects Yugioh cards and loves Runescape
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