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Old February 26th, 2012, 02:15 AM   #1
Gummi
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Exclamation Girlfriend wants to kill herself NEED ADVICE

I'm sorry, I don't know where to put this, so mods if you know where this would be better in please move it.

I'm sorry this is so long, I tried to make it shorter, but I needed to give you guys all the information I could. If you think this is going to be a waste of time then you don't have to read it, but this is really important to me, and I need help.

My girlfriend and I were dating for 3 months, then we took like a 2 1/2 week break because her grades were dropping. The 3 months were great also, and my girlfriend was fine and happy. Now around a week before valentines day my girlfriend had her period. (at the time we weren't dating officially) she started acting more sad all the time and stuff (i expected so because im pretty sure periods do that) one day she said she was going to kill herself because her life was horrible. I was scared, but I also knew that she was on her period, so I thought it was just because of that. soon it was a week after she said she started her period, and she was still saying stuff like she was going to kill herself. I thought maybe periods can last a week. then another week passed, over valentines day, and she said she still wanted to kill herself. Thats when I started worrying. She kept saying her life was horrible, but she had very good reasons to think that (trust me) One night she told me she had cut herself while we werent dating. I told her never to do that again, and she told me she was going too. Well she has again, a couple days ago she had a small 1 inch cut on her arm, not deep. I told her I really dont like when she does that, and its not helping at all. She agreed that it wasnt helping, but she said she was still going to do it. Now she had a fight with her best friend, and shes even more sad and stuff, and she cut herself again, a smaller cut, but right next to the earlier one. Those were the only cuts shes had that ive seen, and I don't tink shes cut herself anywhere else exept the time i said earlier. Now tonight her best friend (who she says isnt) made her feel worse and made her really mad. She said she was going to kill herself tonight, I convinced her not too, but I actually didnt think she was going too, but i wanted to make sure she didnt. She said she wont, but i can expect to see a gash in her arm the next time i see her, and i told her not too, but she said it was too late. Also before that, she said she was going to kill herself on March 13th. Thats when she gets back from her vacation with her family. She said that before she said she was going to do it tonight, so I don't know if when she said she wont she meant she wont ever, or just tonight.

I don't know what to do. I want to tell someone, but I don't want her to hate me. I wouldn't know who to tell anyways. I know I can't fully help her alone, but I don't want her to feel like a child, or that theres something really wrong with her. I don't really think she would kill herself, but if she can cut herself then I know she could try to kill herself. I don't want her to even cut herself, but I think it would be better that her killing herself. I just don't know what to go or who to talk too. I've felt like telling her mom, but then I know that she would forever be treated like a child, and she would have no privacy, and probably hate me.

Also during school and when I'm with her she acts happy and seems fine, but she says its all fake. I know that some of it is not, but I don't know how much is fake. Sometimes when I'm with her and I'm reading or something, I will look over and she will be either like scratching her arm and sometimes like rubbing her cut with her nail. I don't know if she just wants my attention or if she actually wants to like re open the cut. I always tell her to please stop, and then I gently hold one or both of her hands (i dont force her to hold my hand, i will ask her and she says yes)

I just need advice on what to do here. Who should I tell, and what should I say to her or do? When I bring up anything like her harming herself or killing herself she gets mad. Should I tell her I'd rather have her cut herself than kill herself? I don't want her to think its alright at all. I'd do anything for her, and especilaly if it helps.Please help.

I am sorry that this is sooo long. It is very important to me, and thats why I took the time to type this. I'm sorry if I wasted your time, but I need help. Any advice will most likely really help.

Thank you.

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Old February 26th, 2012, 02:32 AM   #2
sarah newman
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Default Re: Girlfriend wants to kill herself NEED ADVICE

Hey, this must have put a lot of pressure and stress on you, I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

First, let her know you love her, and you'll always be there for her. All she needs to do is call you and you'll be there.

When she mentions killing herself, say that if she did she would be terribly missed by her friends and family- I know to some people they would think this is putting pressure on her but killing herself is very dangerous- tell her she's a popular girl, give her compliments, say she's pretty and smart, try and turn the conversation round.

I totally understand that cutting herself is much better then killing herself, but don't say this to her. Because if she cuts more often, even though it makes everything feel like it goes a way for a short amount of time, it could make her feel more suicidal- I know this because this is what happened to me. And as you said, if she does want your attention, and you say you would rather her cut then kill herself, she might do something worse, not to the extent of killing herself but she might do something else.

Obviously you care a lot about your girlfriend, so you need to tell someone. Not nesseccarily her mum, but maybe the doctors, or her school tutor, because they can ring home without saying you went to them. Someone could of seen her arm by accident and reported it. Or see the school councillor. Or you could contact childline for ideas of who to go to. You could tell a friend, maybe even your parents.

I wish you all the best. Message me if you need anything.

...People try and seek help...
..I have given up trying..
..im controlling my lovely sharp razor..
...while theres to much blood...
..comin out of my skin..
.and still no one notices.
..how much pain im going through..
...so i still lay there all alone...

Last edited by sarah newman; February 26th, 2012 at 02:36 AM.
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Old February 26th, 2012, 05:49 AM   #3
Amaryllis
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Default Re: Girlfriend wants to kill herself NEED ADVICE

Have you ever been on an airplane? I hope you have or this metaphor might not make sense.

They always tell you that in case of an emergency, you should put the air mask first on yourself then on the passengers next to you. Because if you die, who's to help them or you, right?

It really does sound like you love her and she is very, very lucky to have you. You're doing so much and you really need to commend yourself for that. But, yeah, I know. Buts suck. But. In the end, she's in charge of whatever happens.

I've cut since I was a child (child-er) and it's a destructive cycle. One that doesn't help or bring the help I so needed closer. She's probably partially doing it for attention. I know in some ways, I do. Though I never did show my cuts. It's like you want and need love, care, help and patience. But you can't bring yourself to get it.

You're giving it to her, though. You're being very kind and I have a lot of respect for you because of that. Please do take care of yourself. And I hate to say this but if in the end, she really doesn't budge, no matter what you do, you need to let her go.

You may feel responsible for her because I know I feel that way for the people I support and try to help. But it sucks the life out of you.

It absolutely destroys you.

Try encouraging her to seek for help. Tell her you know of someone (which you do, me) who cut and got help. Mental health professionals have seen a lot of horrible things and though she'll feel ashamed at first, it's worth it. If the first person cannot help her, find another. Is there a school counsellor? I know how expensive psychiatrists are.

Sometimes depression and self-harm "grows" on us and we don't want to let it go though we do. As strange as that sounds. It's like we're afraid people won't love us the same or we won't be the same without it. Like it's what makes us.

It's difficult to understand and hard on those who care for us. You're being very patient with her. Take care of yourself and good luck. Feel free to message me whenever.



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Old February 26th, 2012, 06:35 AM   #4
Breakeven
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Default Re: Girlfriend wants to kill herself NEED ADVICE

Hey idk whats making ur gf sad or whats happening with her to think her life is awful but u need to tell her her life is not going to stay that way forever and killing her self is not the answer , show her u care by asking hows everything , let her talk to let everything out and about her friend tell her if she was really her friend they wouldnt stop talking or fight , believe me real friends doesnt do that sort of drama , and about cutting u can never tell somone to stop u gotta ask them to try tell her not to ruin her pretty skin from her ugly life coz oneday she will have ugly skin and pretty life , tell her insted of cutting whenever feels like cuttin to text u or do something and last take her somewhere fun , walk with her anything , make her feel happy , tell her life bs is not worth ending her life

best of luck!

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Old February 26th, 2012, 02:43 PM   #5
Gummi
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Default Re: Girlfriend wants to kill herself NEED ADVICE

Thank you all so far for that advice and information. It really helps, and I feel a lot better about it.

I also realized that she is scared. Really scared. She is scared of the things in her life that she doesn't understand, and she doesn't know what to do. She told me that when she wants to cut herself shes always scared.

One big problem is that when I talk to her about cutting herself or her killing herself, she wont listen to me, she gets really mad, and usually just says bye and stops texting me or talking to me. I just tell her that I don't like when she talks like that, and I don't like when she cuts herself. She will usually say well thats to bad, or that sucks, but sometimes she will just say alright or k.

Thanks again for your advice and information. Please keep it coming.

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Old February 26th, 2012, 03:10 PM   #6
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Default Re: Girlfriend wants to kill herself NEED ADVICE

It sounds like she is going through a bout of depression and stress and just doesn't know how to get herself out of the hole she thinks she is in.

I'd really recommend asking her to see a therapist, they won't treat her like a child, they'll just listen and give good help. They can help her with the cutting too.

you are doing all the right things. You are being a great friend/boyfriend to her and really treating her with respect and kindness, which is what she needs. but the cutting is a destructive cycle. it's only going to get worse if she keeps this up.

if there is ever a time where you think she is really going to try and hurt or kill herself, and you can't talk her out of it, you may need to dial 911. it sounds scary, and it is. but the truth is, that may be a life or death situation. she may hate you, but she would have her life and probably get professional help. You might be saving her life.

In the end she is in charge of her own life, her own decisions. but keep being her friend and you may influence her not to make as many bad decisions. you can't control what she does, but you can try to be there for her as she makes them.
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Old February 26th, 2012, 04:07 PM   #7
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Default Re: Girlfriend wants to kill herself NEED ADVICE

Sorry to hear about your situation, I know it isn't much fun. I have been a self harmer myself for over ten years, but not many people know I still do it. I do, however, get a lot of young people come to me (as part of my role at a youth organisation), talking to me about their own battles with self harm. I have had two guys who I've had to talk out of suicide, an many others I have had to guide away from the blade-it is NOT a nice position to be in, an you will probably need support yourself-if you need to talk, message me

I don't think she wants to kill herself, but there is always a small element of posibility that she will. If you have any inkling that she may try it, you MUST tell someone-she may hate you temporarily, but you could be saving her life. You're too young to have such a large burden on your shoulders.

If she's jus cutting, remind her of the scars she'll be causing an try an get her to talk through the reasons WHY she's doing it. An tell her you'll always be there for her.

Let me know if you need advice/help
SS..x

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Old February 26th, 2012, 08:03 PM   #8
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Default Re: Girlfriend wants to kill herself NEED ADVICE

Does she know about other alternatives? (i.e. ice, rubber bands - be careful; I've found it can lead to bruising, art, etc)

Remember that cutting does not always mean someone is suicidal. Most of the time, it's a way to keep oneself from committing suicide. However, if she's saying that she's going to do it, you should urge her to get help. It's scary, but much less scary than what can happen. Cutting destroys a person. It consumes one's every thought almost every second of the day. It leaves ugly scars. It causes horrible urges. Once started, it snowballs and becomes extremely hard to stop.

Let her know that you love her and just be there for her. Have her talk to you whenever she feels an urge. She may be reluctant at first, but it'll help.

If you think she'll commit suicide, tell someone right away. Would you rather her hate you, but live or die? I hated my friends when they told my mom about my cutting, but now I realize it was the best thing anyone has ever done for me.

There she was just a girl,
She expected the world,
But it flew away from her reach...
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Old February 10th, 2014, 07:20 PM   #9
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Default Re: Girlfriend wants to kill herself NEED ADVICE

I need help....Uh she says she want to die and uh she 12.... she keeps sending me messages saying move on.....sending pics for "moving on" I need help please.
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Old February 10th, 2014, 09:01 PM   #10
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Default Re: Girlfriend wants to kill herself NEED ADVICE

Quote:
Originally Posted by adamj12 View Post
I need help....Uh she says she want to die and uh she 12.... she keeps sending me messages saying move on.....sending pics for "moving on" I need help please.
Please don't post in threads that have been inactive for two months or more. I encourage you to create your own thread instead if you really need help.

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