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Old September 16th, 2013, 10:33 PM   #1
Despot
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Default Ending my life.

What can i say about myself? Well im the person who like to listen to other people stories to help other people, im always avaible when someone need me.. im depressed person which doesnt know what to do more in life. So i came here to tell im going to end my life.. idk why im even writing this? maybe something deep inside me wants help?

Now i see world against me, its just no one cares about me.. that is just insane. Can't see my father anymore or i will end up living with him.. my mom threatning me always when she calls on skype.. she not even live in the same country and this month she wont even send me money for food because i dont want to go to school. In my whole life i was pressured to do stuff i didnt want just to make others satisfy. I remmember when once mom locked me in room and went to neighboor with my older brother.. how cruel is this world.. i was crying then. Then once i was in village dog bit me on back of the neck and arm but somehow i fighted for my life.. but now i just cant anymore. All this stuff that happend to me: parents devorce when i was young,when i go to family members i just get ignored and all attention is on my older brother, my mom everyday threatens me, my brother complains on me and make me do stuff i dont want....

I have basicaly 3 friends in my life now, yes just 3! 2 are online friends who i know loong loong time and one in real life. I have no more goals in my life, i just dont know what to do anymore, when my mom calls on skype or if brothers just say word "mom" my stomach is starting to hurt... but always and i dont lie about this.. its just crazy how much she did bad to me. She made me give her money that my dad send me from village and she said "if you dont give that money i will put you to live on streets" Then when i was going to travel with my class(idk what is the word for it) but my dad sent me money for it and she lied how he didnt and said how bad he is.. and after when i went to village to my dad he showed me the date and money he sent me ;/.

Is this even mom? She doesnt let me go to father anymore. My head everyday now hurt and im going crazy.. thinking how can i harm myself. Before i found peace in video games but bad luck is just following me and not letting me have fun in games but just make it worse. I was thinking to end my life at the end of this week. Going to live my life fully now and then just to end it. Thanks for reading.

EDIT: Didn't mention that my mom said me to sign off from school.. so i will have no future now.

Last edited by Despot; September 16th, 2013 at 10:53 PM.
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Old September 17th, 2013, 02:21 AM   #2
Conqueror of Hearts
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Default Re: Ending my life.

First things first....do you really think that ending your life is a solution to anything that is happening to you?? No matter how bad your mother is, you still have a father and brother who love you. Just imagine how would your father feel if you do it. Doesn't look like a smart decision now?

I am really sorry that you're mother is bulling you, she seems like a really horrible person, but that doesn't mean that she deserves to win this battle you're fighting.
As hard as it is you have to keep fighting and living not only for yourself but for ppl who love and care about you (even if that is only one person, it still counts).

How is your brother dealing with everything? Is she treating him the same way?
Is there any chance to contact your dad and just talk to him?
Does he know what she does to you? With whom you're living, because you said your mother doesn't live with you?

Never give up on youself.
You deserve to win this thing, just don't give up.

A mogla sam sve ovo i na srpskom da ti pisem... )

"Forgive yourself for the decisions you have made,
the ones you still call mistakes when you tuck them in at night.
And know this:
Know you are the type of woman who is searching for a place to call yours.
You have always been the place.
You are a woman who can build it yourself.
You were born to build
."

-Sarah Kay
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Old September 17th, 2013, 05:41 AM   #3
Despot
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Default Re: Ending my life.

Today i was forced to go to school to sign off by my mom and she said me to tell that im going to live with dad and go to school but in real she wont let me there. Well my brother is just meh.. he doesnt care that much but mom annoys him sometimes too but not like me. In whatever group of people i go i just get rejected and threaten bad but when im about to leave everyone is good like in every school, thats just how it is.

My dad knows what is she doing because i told him, and then he wanted to sue my mom but i said not to and thats maybe my fault i dont know. Im living with brother only, we do all the stuff and yes i can contact my father with phone. I was never loved and never had relationship.. girsl are there when they need help from me only so as my male friends.

Please speak in English, as this is an English speaking forum. - Siobhan.

Last edited by Harley Quinn; September 17th, 2013 at 07:06 PM.
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Old September 17th, 2013, 05:55 PM   #4
Conqueror of Hearts
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Default Re: Ending my life.

She can't make you do that...you need to go to school. You need to talk to someone, to report her.
I know how hard it is to do that in our country, but she cannot do that to you. How is she controling you if she doesn't even live with you?
How old are you?
Does your brother go to school?

It is a really hard situation because she is bulling and contoling you...I guess you should have let your father sue her....but you know, it's better late than never so he can still do that. Yeah, it will take some time, but it will pay off.
Why don't you just do it your way, go and luve with your dad? She can't make you stay if she doesn't live with you?

You said you have some friends....so just focuse on that fact. It doesn't matter how many friends you have, but the fact that you care about them and the other way around.

Please speak in English, as this is an English speaking forum. - Siobhan.

"Forgive yourself for the decisions you have made,
the ones you still call mistakes when you tuck them in at night.
And know this:
Know you are the type of woman who is searching for a place to call yours.
You have always been the place.
You are a woman who can build it yourself.
You were born to build
."

-Sarah Kay

Last edited by Harley Quinn; September 17th, 2013 at 07:06 PM.
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Old September 17th, 2013, 06:53 PM   #5
eeee
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Default Re: Ending my life.

Please, please, please don't kill yourself. When you are free from your situation you will be so thankful that you let yourself live.
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Old September 17th, 2013, 07:25 PM   #6
Despot
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Default Re: Ending my life.

I'm 17 now and my brother finished school. I guess at the end i will go to live with my dad and i now i regret coming here to live with mom. My dad is alot better to me than she is because today he called me and i told him that i got signed off from school and he talked with me nicely not like mom yelling at me. I'm not sure if i will be able to continue with school next year when i will be 18? He said i will work and help him there on village which is not problem for me and i guess i should do that.

I will have peaceful life there and not like here every day arguing.. What u all think?
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Old September 17th, 2013, 08:31 PM   #7
Conqueror of Hearts
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Default Re: Ending my life.

You should finish school, that's for sure. You can go there, and help your dad, and go to school in the village. I think that once you change the place you live, you'll feel much better, so going to school will not be as hard.
It is essential to finish it...how many years you have to end it?
There are schools for those who didn't finished it in time, so don't you worry about that.

I think that the best thing for you is to go and live with your father, no matter what your mother say....there you will be able to actually breath without having your mother above your head all the time...go there and think about what do you wanna do with your life, and think about a life you could have one day. I believe your father would love for you to go to school, so having him as a support could be very helpful.

You mentioned in one post you had good friends until fights started,so you can have them again. Find new friends...it will be easier if you are with your dad, because you will be feeling better and ppl will see that and be glad to hang out with you.

Hope things will turn out good for you...you are smart and precious, and don't let anyone keep you from being the best version of yourself and accomplishing all the things you are capable of. Put yourself first and think what is the best for you and do it.

"Forgive yourself for the decisions you have made,
the ones you still call mistakes when you tuck them in at night.
And know this:
Know you are the type of woman who is searching for a place to call yours.
You have always been the place.
You are a woman who can build it yourself.
You were born to build
."

-Sarah Kay
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Old September 17th, 2013, 09:02 PM   #8
faceinthecrowd
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Default Re: Ending my life.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Despot View Post
I will have peaceful life there and not like here every day arguing.. What u all think?
It's definitely a start.

From what I understand, the source of all your suffering and depression derives from your mother's behaviour towards you. If I had one thing to recommend, it would be to stay as far away from your mother as possible while maintaining a healthy relationship with your father. I understand this might be hard at first, but there's no reason for you to have people in your social network who don't care about you. Your dad sounds like a very understanding man, but your mom sounds like a real piece of work, if you don't mind me saying.

Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that your mother could very well be the source of your depression, so maybe try to avoid her seeing it as how rude and disrespectful she is.

I wish you the best of luck!
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Old September 19th, 2013, 05:39 PM   #9
Despot
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Default Re: Ending my life.

I dont think anything will be fixed.. whatever i want and to feel happy it somehow got denied always. I dont want life like this anymore. Im gonna do bad stuff to me and other people than i may end life not sure still.
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Old September 19th, 2013, 10:31 PM   #10
ERROR
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Default Re: Ending my life.

I too, am in the same boat. I'm the kind of guy that's always there for a friend, I tend to help them as much as I can... But when I seek help from my so called "friends" they turn their backs on me...

I'm tired of all of this... Society is cruel... Sometimes I just feel like ending my life for I have no purpose for living, no dreams to follow. But something tells me that I will have to keep fighting on and not give up. I may have lost the battle, but I have not lost the war.
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Old September 20th, 2013, 05:50 AM   #11
Despot
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Default Re: Ending my life.

Maybe i should keep fighting also.. but for what i ask myself? When i cant rely on any person.
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Old September 20th, 2013, 06:21 AM   #12
Just_Me_Doing_Me
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Default Re: Ending my life.

You have one friend, so go out with that friend and make more friends. When u get more friends, make goals. EXAMPLE: I just got 20 new friends. Maybe someone knows of a job opening. I can hide all the money I make then run away to my dad.
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