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Old February 8th, 2013, 08:58 PM   #1
xarvon1412
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Name: Aaron
Join Date: December 12, 2012
Location: Utah
Gender: Male
Unhappy Just another rant...

Well, here's my current situation. I don't know why, but I thought I'd tell you guys what's going on. Well, lately life's been...looking up I guess you could say? Although more recent events have started to bring me down again. Lately I've been a lot...angry with just everyone in general. I feel like I have some reason or another to just hate everyone. I know that I don't, and in reality I definitely shouldn't, but it just feels like that. Lately, I haven't wanted to talk to anyone, not my friends, my girlfriend, my parents, my brothers, my sister, my psychiatrist, etc... I can't complain about sleep anymore, these new pills that the psychiatrist has me on are putting me to sleep fairly quickly. However, I'm still just as tired as ever during class, walking home, hanging out, etc... My "big ex" has also gone back to ignoring me. She won't talk to me, look at me, or even acknowledge my existence in the slightest. I just don't understand what to do with her anymore. Honestly, my heart's so freaking screwed up that I can't make out good or bad on anything anymore. I used to get out of bed just to see her smiling face, but now I feel like I get out of bed just because I'm obligated to for my friends and loved ones. Lately I've been wanting to feel the pain of cutting again, but I promised my bestfriend that I wouldn't. Well, to get around that, I've been bruising myself. I have one the size of an orange (no exaggeration) on my left thigh. Then I have a bunch of smaller ones spreading around there. I've just been punching myself, and it feels great but not like cutting. So what did I do last night? Added a few more scars to the ones that are supposed to be healing. So great, now I'm back to square one. I can't even cry anymore...I'm all out of tears. I literally, can not cry. I have every reason to have tears pour from my eyes, but I can't. Oh, and since last time I found out some things from the psychiatrist. I have severe depression that borderlines hospitalization, and if they find out I've cutting and bruising, guess where I'm going...so yeah, then of course there's anorexia (still haven't told the psychiatrist), mild insomnia, and mild OCD. I'm on an anti-psychotic and an anti-depressant, both of which don't feel at all like they're working. Honestly, life's sucked recently. Of course, "a lot more things could be going wrong Aaron" or at least, that's what my bestfriend keeps telling me. Now? To top it all off, I just got the worst haircut of my life. I know, that doesn't seem that big of a deal, but to me it is. I mean, it's not like I'll spend hours crying and cutting over it, but it puts a lot of stress on me, stress that I don't need right now. So yeah, this is just another rant, about my screwed up little life that I'm sure none of you actually care about. Well, I guess I just wanted to keep you guys updated. I'll fill you in as my life gets worse and worse and worse...

"When we cut, we're in control - we make our own pain and we can stop it whenever we want. Physical pain relieves mental anguish. For a brief moment, the pain of cutting is the only thing in the cutter's mind, and when that stops and the other comes back, it is weaker."
- Shelley Stoehr.

"It can't be terrible forever."
- Meekakitty
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Old February 9th, 2013, 04:22 AM   #2
Perfect_Insanity
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Name: Katrina
Join Date: January 16, 2013
Location: Salt Lake City, Utah
Gender: Female
Default Re: Just another rant...

You have us virtual people to rant to, if that helps. We care. (Or, at least, I do) I feel kinda hypocritical saying this (Because I've been pretty down lately too) But please try to hold on.

BTW, if my best friend said that I'd punch them in the gut.

My happiest memories have no place in the past; they are those I have yet to create.
- Ellen Hopkins

Feel free to message me on skype if you need any help or anything.
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Old February 9th, 2013, 05:44 PM   #3
xarvon1412
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Name: Aaron
Join Date: December 12, 2012
Location: Utah
Gender: Male
Default Re: Just another rant...

Thank you insanity It really means a lot to me. Sorry for sounding so...rude I guess. I'll hold on.

"When we cut, we're in control - we make our own pain and we can stop it whenever we want. Physical pain relieves mental anguish. For a brief moment, the pain of cutting is the only thing in the cutter's mind, and when that stops and the other comes back, it is weaker."
- Shelley Stoehr.

"It can't be terrible forever."
- Meekakitty
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