First Time Cutting

so I have a few scars left from cuttin about 2years ago and when people see them they ask what happened,people think Im a freak. does anyone have any suggestions on how to explain it to someone?

Originally Posted by obeyy_miles

so I have a few scars left from cuttin about 2years ago and when people see them they ask what happened,people think Im a freak. does anyone have any suggestions on how to explain it to someone?

There are always going to be people who judge you and think you're a "freak," but they are extremely ignorant. If they are going to act like that, they don't even deserve an explanation as to what they are from.

Obviously if they are bad, the whole "my cat did it" isn't going to work. When I switched schools, my sleeve slid up, I had stitches, at the time, and when I was asked what happened, I said I was in a car wreck. So, you could always use that. But I personally think it's better just to be honest. Just explain you went through a hard time and you had self harmed. If they don't like it, screw them. Don't ever be ashamed of what you've been through. It all really makes you a strong person. Believe me.

self harm is not going to fulfil any desire to feel something, just try and talk to someone

Originally Posted by jgjkk

self harm is not going to fulfil any desire to feel something, just try and talk to someone

Trying to talk to someone is a lot easier said than done. It's been 4 and a half years (?) since I first cut. If I would've had someone by my side when I needed them the most - I don't think I would be in this mess right now. I've tried talking to a counselor and it didn't help at all. I think that goes for quite a few people on here too.

I'm sorry if that comes of in a bad way, but it's late and I'm tired and... It's a touchy subject...

Stop cutting its only going to hurt yourself

My first time was in 5th grade. I think I was 10 when it started. Clichely it did start when someone talked about a fad that was going on, some stupid little fashion with kids who wore all black. I wanted to be like them, I wanted to fit in with the myspace birgade. (Even though I was young) So I cut with a dull switch blade after school. Only 2. It didn't bleed, It didn't even leave a mark. I just felt "cool", or thats what I called it. I know I felt scared, ashamed, but after I felt like I fit in.

I suppose the first real cut came years later in 7th grade. Either right before I turned 13 or right after. I always have trouble in the winter months. I remember I just got a small knife. I blasted some music I really like, but after a while of trying to get the courage I realised the music was calming me, and due to this I wasn't going to be able to cut. I just kept thinking if the artist saw what I was doing, he would be ashamed.

So I turned the music off. The knife didn't work as well as I wanted it too. So I used it to pop the blade out of a shaving razor. I cut my thumb pretty bad.... Afterwords I cleaned up the little cuts. I felt... free. This time wasn't to fit in, I used this to relax. And ever since then I have cut. Sadly.

First time cutting is always going to be a vivid and clear memory. The hate for myself and the want to end it all but not actually wanting to betray my friends so i needed a way out without getting out. I thought on the couch with the tv on but i wasnt actually watching. On show ended, then another and another...id been "watching" for over 4 hours that felt like seconds. Literally, the same thought going through my head like a virus. Cut, cut, cut, rip, tear, cut. I tried desperately to avoid the thought but it polluted my brain and i couldnt think of anything else. On the outside i was calm, cool, and collected. On the inside i was tearing my hair out screaming "STOP STOP, GET OUT OF MY HEAD, STOP! I CANT DO THAT TO MYSELF" but there was a small part of me that still wanted to.

And it spread

It spread fast. The nex thing i knew i was grabbing the nearest razor knife and in the bath room looking in the mirror. Watching my ugly face move. Flinching at how painfully skinny i was and how i needed to gain some muscle. Spitting on myself for being stupid. Crying for being a social outcast. And then cutting, for all of the pain.

I imagined it. The blood, the glorious escape from pain. I thought it was a good idea, so i put the cold metal to my forearm and hesitated. I had gotten that far. Did i want to continue? Of course. My brain was too foggy to think otherwise. So i tore through the skin using the corner be ause it made a great tearing feeling and a nice clean deep cut. I sat there letting the blood run and re positioned. Sliced, the put the blade back on my skin, cut slice and tear. Blood running down my arm. And i dropped the blade and stood there.

"What have i done" "how am i going to explain this?" "People will think youre a freak"

Then my mind was suddenly clear, i leaned against the door and sat the watching the blood. And i could think. Everything was so clear and painless. The only thing that mattered was the cuts. It was so peaceful, i was calm cool and collected throughout. I thought about the problems in my life, no one cared about me. Parents expected too much from me. Im an ugly freak. A social outcast. Bullied at school. Why live? Then i thought of the little things, making things. How i enjoyed that!

So i continued to think and i realized that i can get through this! I just need a coping mechanism, no matter how unattractive. Cutting did help, a considerable lot.

The clear mindedness was short lived, now a month later i have to stop because people were starting to suspect about the "burn" on my arm and why it was so bandaged during PE. Even today people came up to me asking to see the burn, i told them there was nothing to see.

Cutting had helped and hurt. It cleared my mind and made me think and gave me peace. But caused issues and problems at school. Cutting isnt for the weak, it can completely rip you apart. Take you away from friends. Isolate you. Affect your schoolwork. It helps but its a terrible habit to get into, its so hard to stop.

I stopped by biting the inside of my lip, it looked like someone went in there with a blender after only one day. It becomes an addiction of some sort. You end up depending on it for your life. Now is your life really only worth enough that a few cuts can save it? No! You need to find a better way to deal with it. You will think just once, but you always go back for more and more. Even now i dream of cutting again. Its not worth it!

So please, dont cut. I know this is a thread about first cuts but hopefully i can stop someone from starting. Its and ugly habit and almost i possible to quit. The. You have to live with your past etched into your skin, who wants that? Especially if its your past that you are running from, stay focused on the present to make a better future and just be happy that you had your past. Your past mace you strong and gave you wisdom to help build your future with. And you do have a future. And it is AMAZING! The things you will accomplish are tremendous and the people you will encounter are unbelievably influential and insanely remarkable to say the least.

Your life isnt worth a few cuts in hopes of a few minutes of clarity. People help better than a blade. Take it from someone who has been on the edge about to kill them self. It just simply isnt worth your valuable time. You are BRIGHT and BEAUTIFUL and PERFECT! so spend your time doing something to build off of, do something memorable. Who knows what or who you will meet along the way.

Hugs and Love
-Adam

My first time I was in the third grade. My friend self-harmed and told me it was good for relieving her pain. I too suffered a lot, so I picked up a pair of scissors and sliced away. I did it five years, till my current boyfriend, who was just a friend at the time, caught me. He threw the knife away from us, held my body close to his, and told me it would be alright. I've loved him ever since. :3

My memory is a bit fuzzy but I think it was about 12. I was hollow and wanted to try anything, I had heard stories about self harm and tried it with an old razor. I've worn long sleeves since that day.

I found that if you have uniform cuts in one direction you might be able to say that you got stung by a jellyfish.

I'm new here and this is the first thread I really wanted to post on. I started cutting when I was 12. It felt all natural. That was the first time I did it, but I felt like I've been doing it for ages. I don't know, but, since then, I didn't stop. I have friends to accompany me every time I have problems but, yea, some friends make me feel even worse.

Originally Posted by obeyy_miles

so I have a few scars left from cuttin about 2years ago and when people see them they ask what happened,people think Im a freak. does anyone have any suggestions on how to explain it to someone?

You won't have to explain to someone who judges you first. People calling you freak won't do anything better. Sometimes, you have to just keep silent and trust people worth trusting for. Talk to someone you know whose going to understand.

It was because of my anxiety attack that wouldn't stop. I hadn't had one that persistent in months, it lasted for days and I didn't know how to stop it. I tried being around other people, sleeping, painting, drawing, smoking too many cigarettes, pot, eating, watching tv shows, made myself cry, it was still there. I never hated my body but my mind was an entirely different realm. I just always feel quite pathetic, and, well, depressed to the end of my wits, to the point I can't even function or get out of bed.
I kind of laughed at myself in my mind when I made the first cut - it was so stupid, so ineffective. Though I have always liked pain, I've never thought about it like this before, even though I've been on an off antidepressants for years. It hurt and I didn't like it, but apart from the sting from the blade it didn't make me feel anything and it ceirtaly didn't make me feel better. I still did it, made some more small cuts, to see how much pain I can handle.I think I was trying to distract myself. Then I stopped, and I can't remember what I did after that.
I had been left alone in my apartment for one night (my roommate was sleeping somewhere else), so I didn't have anyone to distract me. I felt so safe by myself, I did it in the living room, just like that. I remember I couldn't even sleep because of the weight on my chest, but my thighs hurt when I moved them and I remember the pain being somewhat comforting and it actually cleared up my mind a bit.
I woke up early the next morning and I looked at the fresh scars as soon as I got up, and I immediately wanted more. It was the omnipresent pain that was comforting, I thought about it as I went to college, the pain was so good.
I went home early solely because I wanted to cut some more immediately while I had the flat still to myself, and the cuts I had made the day before weren't deep enough to hurt the whole day. I still felt stupid for doing it, like I was a fucking fourteen-year-old - but I literally got addicted to it over night. It was just so good to feel the pain on your leg throughout the day without anyone knowing what's on your mind. I don't know why, but it actually made me a bit more confident.
I mainly want to stop because I'm so, so afraid it'll scar, but that's about the only reason I can think of, apart from the fact that I can't go swiming or change in front of other people. But I can't stop thinking about wanting to do it again as soon as I'm alone. I even put the razor in my bag to cut a bit when I go to the restroom in restaurants - I was just too high the last time to do it.
It didn't stop my anxiety though, and atop of that I just added another problem. I just love to feel the pain throughout the day when I walk, when I sit in a weird way, when I lie down.
I'm sorry if this was long, I needed to get it out of my system.

If anyone has any good ideas on how to stop (the butterfly thing won't work for me, neither will the rubber bands, it's not the same pain that's so addictive), on what I should do instead. I've thought about telling someone, but I don't think it would do much good.

its never too late to stop

so if i really want to start cutting what advice do u have/

Originally Posted by Jono

It's not that simple for people who cut, logical thinking such as that is not as easy as it sounds.

yes, been there, done that
One has to have a good friend to help him/her out of this mess, doing it on your own isn't cool.

Originally Posted by Anonymous

It helps not to cut at all

Punch a pillow instead?

I like the assult a pillow option

sooo im new, used to be on 4degreez for a few years, that kinda 404ed, not sure why, went almost a year without any forums, now i found this, lets see how ppl are,
oh, yes, i self injured, for 4 yrs, stoppped about 6 months ago,just so you know
pretty tired though, so ill check tmrrw if this forum is actually active with ppl or not, hopefully yes, goodnight
also im 18, wondering the age ratio in here

first time cutting was when i was in grade 5.,I'm so hurt that time.,my brother always say such hurtful things about me like .,he wants me to die.,so im thinking of doing it.,i get the scissors and cut my wrist .,but sadly i didnt die till now im still doing it.,cant stop.,i cant even sleep without cutting my wrists

I guess im rather lucky as i have the ability to wait out the urges and distract myself but if i dont cut it builds up to the point i just want to end it there or cut deep on my wrists

Originally Posted by Cat

yea. It's not easy to stop. I have been cutting for about 2 years and I want to stop and I have tried so hard but its hard to stop. It has become a part of me.

don't try too hard to stop, the more you try the more you think about it which makes it far more difficult to quit
I know, I've definitely been there