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Old December 28th, 2012, 01:24 PM   #1
Desuetude
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Default *Call this what you want*

Well I'm writing this from nearly a year since I wrote a thread pretty similar to this. Things haven't gotten better in the past 350 odd days.

This might seem a little muddled. My parents haven't made things easier since talking to them about living arrangements. I'm now living with my dad 3 weeks then my mum 1 week. I've been coping with moving a lot better, well I've been covering my emotions up better anyway. I rarely breakdown when packing everything into a couple of bags. When my dad picks me up to take me to his while my sister stays at my mothers you could almost say I'm happy. It's still stressing me out a whole lot.

When I was younger I used to live solely with my mother and occasionally visit my dad therefore, as you'd expect, everything I own is at my mums. Living 3/4 of the time at my dads means I don't have anything I need, everything is in a certain place at the other house which is fucking inconvenient when you want to get things done. I can't move it all to dads because my room is small and storage space there is minimal. I want to be able to do something about it but the only thing I can think of is moving in with one parent full time and neither will go for that.

Their arguments and petty fights are also getting worse again. Someone enlighten me and tell me the point of a divorce if the screaming matches continue? I never really thought about it but I do resent my parents with how they left things and how they think they're doing an awesome job when really it hasn't been great. I don't know that anyone will understand but my mind is under so much right now, the burden of everything and all the thoughts in my head never leave me alone. School is getting harder, my concentration is getting a lot worse, I'm zoning out so much more than I used to that my friends are picking up on it but it's all good 'cause they just laugh it off.

I have no one to lean on anymore. The trust between my friends is gone but that's another long, drawn out story that no one wants to hear and I don't want to have to relive. The stability in my life is rocky to say the least, the teacher that approached me and told me I should see the youth worker retired at christmas and my youth worker doesn't know the half of the stuff that's going on. I really don't know where to go from here. It's been a year, it's safe to say one of the worst years of my life, nothing seems to have improved, everything has gotten worse and I see no way of moving forward in the state that I'm in. First exams coming up in January and revision is near enough impossible at the moment, my parents are going to crack down hard if I don't do well. Sorry to waste a thread but it's doing my head in -literally.

Last edited by Desuetude; December 28th, 2012 at 01:55 PM.
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Old December 28th, 2012, 03:09 PM   #2
Gandalf
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Default Re: *Call this what you want*

Nikki, I don't know what to say for once, that wall of text I sent on skype still applies, I might insert it here since it's relevant.

I know you're desperately after practical advice which is why I haven't said much here..

I think the advice you gave to me some days ago would help you: Next time you see that youth worker, pin her down and just dump everything. Nobody will know what's wrong unless you dump it on them.

I'm always here, and Viv and the whole of VT, don't ever think you're being a drain or pathetic by posting or asking us for help, it's what we're here for.


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Old December 28th, 2012, 03:20 PM   #3
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Default Re: *Call this what you want*

Ben put it quite well(as he always does )
Jump into it,it is hard to force yourself to do it but believe me,it is definitely worth it.
If I hadn't told my school nurse,I would not be alive today
And I don't really know your parents so I don't know if this is the best suggestion for you or not,tell them what you think of they're fighting and what it's resulting in,my parents spent every waking hour calling each other and yelling and talking shit about the other behind his/her back, in the end I decided to tell them both that this tore on me greatly and distracted me in school and is affecting my general mood.When they realized they tried to talk instead of yelling for the sake of me,and it's worked out pretty good,they still yell at times,but a lot less than they used to

Nikki,you deserve to feel better,you are simply amazing and I can't possibly describe how fond I am of you and how you've helped me
And remember that I'm always here if you need help,and so are Ben and Viv
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Old December 28th, 2012, 08:11 PM   #4
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Default Re: *Call this what you want*

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gandalf View Post
Nikki, I don't know what to say for once, that wall of text I sent on skype still applies, I might insert it here since it's relevant.

I know you're desperately after practical advice which is why I haven't said much here..

I think the advice you gave to me some days ago would help you: Next time you see that youth worker, pin her down and just dump everything. Nobody will know what's wrong unless you dump it on them.

I'm always here, and Viv and the whole of VT, don't ever think you're being a drain or pathetic by posting or asking us for help, it's what we're here for.
Thank you for trying to help, I know you're always here for me and I really appreciate it. I know I should tell her everything but it doesn't help that I have the break time (15 minutes) slot that I also share with one of my friends twins who also self harms. I don't know if I could say all this shit out loud either.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Page View Post
Ben put it quite well(as he always does )
Jump into it,it is hard to force yourself to do it but believe me,it is definitely worth it.
If I hadn't told my school nurse,I would not be alive today
And I don't really know your parents so I don't know if this is the best suggestion for you or not,tell them what you think of they're fighting and what it's resulting in,my parents spent every waking hour calling each other and yelling and talking shit about the other behind his/her back, in the end I decided to tell them both that this tore on me greatly and distracted me in school and is affecting my general mood.When they realized they tried to talk instead of yelling for the sake of me,and it's worked out pretty good,they still yell at times,but a lot less than they used to

Nikki,you deserve to feel better,you are simply amazing and I can't possibly describe how fond I am of you and how you've helped me
And remember that I'm always here if you need help,and so are Ben and Viv
I'm glad someone had the guts to tell. Oh you don't know how many times I've told them. When my mum is slagging my dad off I usually say "you might not have to live with him but I do so can you stop saying that please" she carries on the next time. My mum waltzes into my dads house and searches through the cupboards almost as if it was her own house. It gets me so angry. I try and talk to them but they usually just blame the other parent, when I confront the second one they blame it on the first. It's always been like that. The yelling got better, they tried to be 'friends' when we were younger but that hasn't been worked out recently.

Thanks Ian, it means a lot to know I have people there for me. It's just hard when you're all across a computer screen.
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Old December 28th, 2012, 08:39 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by ThePretender View Post
Thank you for trying to help, I know you're always here for me and I really appreciate it. I know I should tell her everything but it doesn't help that I have the break time (15 minutes) slot that I also share with one of my friends twins who also self harms. I don't know if I could say all this shit out loud either.
Nikki, just once you start letting it out, it'll become apparent that it's important you finish. Your youth worker should make time for your friend.


Quote:
“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”
Quote:
[Origami] Cause Ben is hot... and pink?

~Putting the B in to LGBT
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Old December 29th, 2012, 09:28 AM   #6
Desuetude
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Default Re: *Call this what you want*

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Originally Posted by Gandalf View Post
Nikki, just once you start letting it out, it'll become apparent that it's important you finish. Your youth worker should make time for your friend.
She's really busy with people that have it worse off. She reffered me to this other counselling thing but I don't know how much that's going to help. Plus I have to find a way of getting out the house without my parents knowing, don't know if I can even do that yet.

Last edited by Desuetude; October 30th, 2013 at 10:18 PM.
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