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Old December 17th, 2011, 02:51 AM   #1
Nevermore
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Name: Sammy <3
Join Date: November 5, 2010
Age: 21
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Exclamation Ultimatum..

So my doctor gave me an ultimatum. Gain weight or go inpatient. Apparently because my weight is so low, my parents no longer have any say if I go into the hospital or not... and if I don't go to get weighed next week I'll get the cops on my ass. I don't know what to do. I've been non stop binging since last week because of this. I just want to spend christmas out of the hospital and with my family.. I don't want to gain, I feel so fat. I want to die and cut all the fat out of me. Since the last time I've posted I've been blacking out. I can't stand up or sit up without blacking out, and I've passed out quite a few times. Jogging for 5 seconds hurts my chest and i feel so faint. I can't run anymore or jog. I can't even jump around and act silly like a little kid like I normally do. A week before I started binging I was non stop throwing up. Not intentionally done. I'd wake up for class, and on the way I'd have to make several stops just to throw up. Like I couldn't even hold my own vomit down. On a way to a class it was coming out of my mouth and I had to run to the bathroom to spit it out, and then 9 more times uncontrollably i threw up. And I couldn't stop. I can usually hold it in, or swallow it, or repress the feeling, but I can't anymore it just comes up... I think this may be due to the amount of acid in my stomach mixed with my stomach ulcers, but I have no idea. And my doctor and parents have no clue about this. I don't want to get better, and I could care less about dying. I just want to be thin. Problem is and what I need help with at this moment, is keeping the food down now, and being able to eat. I've been binging, and when I say binging it's not even a normal size meal.. but my stomach is in so much pain! Like it hurts more to eat then not to eat! Like I hate myself. Right now i'm constipated which is adding to the pain... and I'm bloated and gross, and I don't know how to deal with this!! :'( Eating hurts so much!!! Should I switch back to weight gain supplements instead of food? This way I'm gaining... or maintaining but at least it won't hurt as bad. I started smoking to get things moving again. I am still waiting to get things moving... it's frustrating.. and I can't sleep or be with friends because I feel so damn sick all the time!!! This is ruining my life. >.<


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Old December 19th, 2011, 07:32 PM   #2
Wintergirl_80.0
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Name: Mika
Join Date: December 16, 2011
Location: virginia
Age: 21
Gender: Female
Blog Entries: 2
Default Re: Ultimatum..

dont die PLEASE ho ney idk what tosay in this message me. my email is [email protected]


Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
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Old December 20th, 2011, 10:12 AM   #3
Wintergirl_80.0
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Name: Mika
Join Date: December 16, 2011
Location: virginia
Age: 21
Gender: Female
Blog Entries: 2
Default Re: Ultimatum..

sweet heart dont die. talk to me email me post on my page something just talk to me


Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
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