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Old July 3rd, 2011, 03:28 AM   #21
Amaryllis
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Default Re: I want to be anorexic.

Trust me. You do NOT want to be anorexic. And diets are stupid. Why do people diet so many times if it works? It's not JUST about willpower. If you starve your body, you become depressed, ill, tired, you withdraw from everyone, you become temperamental and you become OBSESSED with food. Then when you finally realise at 50lbs(I was there) that you're going to die, that if you don't eat, that's the end of you. And you struggle, it is SO hard to eat when you're down there. And when you finally do? You eat uncontrollably. I did. I still do. I laid in bed at almost 50lbs, puking my guts out, I felt horrible, my friends left me, I made my mum cry, I couldn't do anything but think of food. I was beyond skinny. But I wasn't happy. Now I look back and those pictures and I think "Oh god. She's hideous." I wanted to die.

People won't love you more if you're 180lbs, 150lbs, 100lbs or even 50lbs. Is the sun fat and ugly? Is a skinny tree more beautiful than a strong, large, sturdy tree? Anorexia destroyed my life. I missed days of school. I dropped from a straight A student to a definitely not straight A student. My voice, the part of me I loved the most, changed. It grew deeper, huskier, more boyish. I miss my old voice, people used to tell me it was angelic. My voice was my life. Now my life is food. If you become skinny, you'll end up heavier than you ever were in the end. And my hair. My hair was the most beautiful part of me. Now it's gone. I WAS beautiful. I was beautiful before I let Ana take me. Now I'm rebuilding the skeleton she left me with.

Last edited by Amaryllis; October 13th, 2011 at 05:56 AM.
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Old July 3rd, 2011, 08:35 AM   #22
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Default Re: I want to be anorexic.

Z...your response was very moving. I've never heard someone describe the disease in the way that you did. And I'm truly grateful for your response. Thank you so much for sharing this with me . I was truly considering anorexia as a way out, but from what you've described...it would never be worth it. Your response was very motivational. You have given me the faith to at least try other options. I don't want to end up in that situation; and hopefully I never will.
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Old July 3rd, 2011, 10:15 AM   #23
Amaryllis
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Default Re: I want to be anorexic.

Dee, I'm so glad I helped you Because I truly would never, NEVER wish anorexia on anyone. Even someone I hate. If you think about it, humans are pretty weird. We have hands and legs which is kinda strange. It's like a star, parts of us sticking out. Yet it's so amazing. Our hands let us draw, climb monkey bars, write, hold, love, care. Our legs take us places, they can jump, run. A skinny lion is not beautiful, just as a thin, weak, breakable twig is not more amazing than a tree that has withstood wind and rain.

Because I was so malnourished, my eyes are now permanently damaged, I can't keep my eyes open for very long. But it's so much better than when I was down there. I literally could not do anything. I went months with less than 2 hours of sleep each night. When you're underweight you can't sleep. Ana had such a strong hold of me, I didn't even let myself lie down. At 2am in the morning, I was doing starjumps. Every night. I just walked up and down the corridor, burning calories, skinnier, skinnier, skinnier. I was like a walking corpse. All the things you love now? They won't matter when you're anorexic. The things you can do? Gone. Your friends? Left. Your family? Broken.

I know I'm going on and on. I know you probably get the point but I know how easy it is for ana to take hold. I know. And I want everyone else reading this to know. I only wanted to lose a couple pounds. Just to fit in some stupid dress for a party that never came. But it became an obsession. And that obsession took my life from me. My grades have plummeted, I need to rebuild my friendships, my hair is gone, my love for life disappeared. All I wanna do is eat. There are so many moments in a day now that I just want to die because why live when you're not living?

This was honestly the worst thing that ever happened to me. And that's saying a lot because I used to cut. I was skinny but miserable. Skinny but ugly. Skinny but my self-esteem was still horrible. Skinny but dead. Skinny but tired.

I'm so proud of you. So proud of you for deciding not to choose anorexia. And I'm so happy for you. You still have a life. You still have people. You still have you. Don't let anyone or anything take that away. Feel free to PM me because I want to help anyone who needs it. I'm always here for you
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Old July 3rd, 2011, 10:36 AM   #24
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Default Re: I want to be anorexic.

You are definitely someone to admire. I never thought of anorexia in the way you presented to me. I only thought of the positives of being that thin; I didn't even think of the negatives. Maybe that's what anorexia does. You only see an unreachable positive that is unreachable because it doesn't exist.

I'm still going to pursue losing weight, but not by way of anorexia. I don't want to travel down a path where I lose more than I gain. It's just not worth that.
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Old July 3rd, 2011, 09:35 PM   #25
Amaryllis
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Default Re: I want to be anorexic.

Thank you Once I recover 100% and I stop using food to kill anorexia, I'll get back to you. I'm not about to walk around the streets naked but I'm starting to see parts of me that I like, though they might always have something to do with my looks. But I'm on my way so to all you peeps with an eating disorder or have crappy self-esteem: It gets better.
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Old July 12th, 2011, 12:03 AM   #26
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Default Re: I want to be anorexic.

You are not huge, dear, everyone is beautiful. Trust me, ask any boy, they'll tell you that stick-thin girls are very unattractive. Being super-thin and miserable won't get you anywhere in life.

If you feel that you need to loose weight, have a realistic goal- 100lbs for your height would be quite underweight. Talk to your parents and doctor, instead of going on a DIEt, go for a lifestyle change. Vow to eat healthier and eliminate some TV and computer time and go for a walk or swim with some friends.

Best of luck
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Old July 14th, 2011, 07:30 AM   #27
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Default Re: I want to be anorexic.

A great method to lose weight, I have been during the same condition as you wondering if being anorexic is the correct answer and things and trust me, it is not a good plan because if in case you increase weight once more all you obtain it extend marks and lose skin and you don't would like that.
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Old July 14th, 2011, 09:43 PM   #28
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Default Re: I want to be anorexic.

Im 146lbs. 5"3. I lost 7lbs, used to be 153lbs. I also want to be bone thin, but still have a little big of fat so that i dont look like a sick ugly person. I SO desperately want to be a size 0 in pants, and wear XS shirts! Im a 34KK, and i SO badly want to be a 34C. Being passed the D's is tough. But besides that, DONT force yourself to become to thin. If you become sickly thin you WONT be attractive. I have a friend who is 5"6, and around 153lbs, shes thick boned as well. BUT she looks GREAT. She doesnt feel great. Were close and shes told me she feels ugly and big and disgusting. But she isnt any of those. It makes me sad to know that you want to be a skinny stick figure. Dont go int he danger zone. I want what i dont have. Walking works for me, and even though it doesnt work for you i dont want you to slowly kill yourself. I may sound hypercritical, because i want to be skinny with a little bit of curve and i was SO so close to just being anorexic but i decided that throwing up and excersizing day and night was the most unhealthy way. You destroy your body, good fats, its what you need to survive. Its all about common sense. Choosing the way you eat, how much you excersize, how you see yourself. Self esteem, its all very complicated to me. Eating healthy is the easiest for me, then excersizing, i dont do it as much as i should but ive done it enough to lose weight and when i do it more and better then ill lose even more weight. Last, self esteem, if you have a good body image in your head, and say you look fine then it WILL be easier to lose fat. If you have a bad self image, you dont have the right amount of encouragment to really work hard and STAY that way to get the results and eventually stay healthy all around. But if you picture yourself the way you want to be then maybe, to me, you will work hard to get to that result.

Sorry if this didnt help you. But i feel the same way, 90% that is.If this helped, let me know, and if it didnt still let me know. I could go on and on about figures, but ill stop here.

The winter land is black and white, just how i feel on the inside
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Old October 13th, 2011, 09:18 AM   #29
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Default Re: I want to be anorexic.

Oh honey I hope this desire passes quickly before you act on it! Trust me, you do not want to be anorexic. Being skinny may seem like a wonderful idea to you, but being anorexic definitely isn't. I've been anorexic since I was 12 (I'm now 17) and even before that I used to skip meals, I was just never hungry. I am very lucky compared to most people suffering with this disorder as I have never had to be hospitalised because of the muscle weight dancing gave me, even though you could count my bones (doctors stupidly go on weight rather than body-fat percentage :S ). But it really screwed up my life and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I was in pain all the time and couldn't concentrate in school so dropped from straight A's to B's, C's and the occassional A all in time for my final year of school! My periods were irregular and cripplingly painful and I may not be able to have kids when I'm older. I had to cut down on dance classes and singing classes because I was so weak, putting my future on hold. I'm still undeweight even though I have been trying to get better for a year. I swear to you it is not a good thing!

Don't feel like you have to be tiny and skinny. Most guys I know hate skinny girls because they seem to breakable. I have always been skinny and yet I've never had a boyfriend. A woman's body is supposed to be curvy and feminine and you should embrace your beautiful self! I know advice on loving your body sounds a little hypocritical coming from someone like me but do try and listen! But, if you want to lose weight then there are pleanty of healthy ways you can do it, for example, the human body physically cannot store fat without carbs. So if you cut out the amount of carbs you eat and up the amount of protein, you're body will not be able to store any calories you eat as fat, and will burn through any spare fat you do have, while still getting all the vital nutrients you need so you will stay healthy and happy!

"There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written or badly written."


I'm always available to talk so feel free to leave a comment on my page, PM me or even add me on MSN and Yahoo Messenger
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Old October 13th, 2011, 12:03 PM   #30
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Default Re: I want to be anorexic.

Please do not bump threads over a month old.

You brought hate, pills and knives,
And this is how the tale begins.
Its your life, exist and wonder why.
When it only fails to work,
It only fails to work sometimes
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