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Old May 17th, 2011, 07:54 PM   #1
Twistember
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Default I need help. I don't know what to do....

For the past year or so, I've been "a little off my rocker" as my mom put it. I don't know where to start, so I'll start from the most troubling things to the least troubling. Overall....I need help. Sorry this is so long.

I am TERRIFIED of molesting a child. I'm only 15 myself, and I worry that I will molest one of my friends or younger family members. I have no desire to molest anyone, yet I can't shake this fear. I'm also terrified of killing myself or acting on a violent impulse towards someone else. I have cut before, and everytime I do it, I get so scared that I'll feel one more drop of angry, or sadness, or lonely and go too deep. But I never do.

Sometimes I feel like my life revolves around the number 4. I do most things 4 times. Tapping my foot, sipping drinks, when I chew my food it has to be a multiple of 4, number of ice cubes in my drink, blinking, coughing, grinding my teeth....almost everything.

Whenever I think of paper (toilet paper, paper plates, napkins, etc.) I have to run my tounge over the front part of the top row of my teeth 4 times. Or a multiple of 4. I have to, if I don't, it's all I can think about until I do it.

I'm a compulsive skin picker/hair puller. I just can not stop. My lips are terrible, I have scars all over my arms from where I can't stop picking at the cuts. Even where my skin is perfect, i scratch it until it bleeds and then I keep picking it and it leaves a scar. I've always pulled at my hair/picked my skin. With the hair, it started out just pulling on it. Then a few years ago I moved on to actually pulling it out. I've left bald spots on my head from where I've pulled out all the hair. Sometimes I'm not aware that I'm picking/pulling until it's too late. I don't even know I'm doing it.

This isn't all, but these are the things that get to me the most. Can someone please point me in the right direction? I don't know what to do.

Thanks

Last edited by Twistember; May 17th, 2011 at 07:55 PM. Reason: spelling
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Old May 17th, 2011, 08:29 PM   #2
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Default Re: I need help. I don't know what to do....

Okay. What I do see is some definite OCD as well as self harming tendencies.

Thing is, none of us are professionals so I can only point out what I have experience with.

Sorry, very short reply. I'm exhausted and about to go to bed but saw your post. Someone else likely can elaborate for me. PM me if you need anything.
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Old May 18th, 2011, 05:06 AM   #3
Syvelocin
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Default Re: I need help. I don't know what to do....

Forget the molestation part. That won't help an OCD diagnosis greatly. Now, intrusive thoughts are a symptom of OCD. But that sort of fear, I don't feel like it is.

The rest of what you describe, does match up with OCD symptoms. At this point though, you're best off seeing a professional if you want treatment/diagnosis, as none of us are professionals and you can't be diagnosed over an Internet forum.


And I'm sorry I didn't build your walls. And I'm sorry I had to go and fall.
And I'm sorry I had the whole thing wrong. Well, I guess I'm the sorriest of all.
And I'm sorry that you are feeling small. And I'm sorry that I'm not used to crawling.
And I'm sorry the writing's on the wall. Well, I guess I'm the sorriest of all.
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Old May 18th, 2011, 05:33 PM   #4
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Default Re: I need help. I don't know what to do....

Thank you for your help. I wansn't looking for a diagnosis, just some advice on where to go with my worries. I kind of also wanted to see if it was worth it to go to anybody. Again, thanks for your help.
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Old May 18th, 2011, 07:32 PM   #5
Syvelocin
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Default Re: I need help. I don't know what to do....

If it's an issue that you want to be solved, then yeah, go for it. Some people don't think their symptoms are that bad, so they don't bother getting diagnosed because diagnosing conditions is usually with the intent to treat it with therapy and meds.


And I'm sorry I didn't build your walls. And I'm sorry I had to go and fall.
And I'm sorry I had the whole thing wrong. Well, I guess I'm the sorriest of all.
And I'm sorry that you are feeling small. And I'm sorry that I'm not used to crawling.
And I'm sorry the writing's on the wall. Well, I guess I'm the sorriest of all.
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Old May 23rd, 2011, 03:50 PM   #6
cmdexe
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Default Re: I need help. I don't know what to do....

The intrusive thoughts and irrational fear of harming others/children is a sign of OCD. If you are indeed terrified, then I would suggest going to see a professional about it. I myself have irrational fears of hurting people and being manipulative, and I know when it gets bad it gets REALLY bad.. you even said yourself that you have no interest in damaging children -- yet your brain is very conscious than you MIGHT, subconsciously. this must suck. even if it doesn't end up being classed as OCD, you seem to have a lot of strong OCD-like tendencies and very irrational fears that I think might want seeing to if you feel like you can't control them :3


If you don't feel like going to see a doctor, I would suggest reading up on the topic, at least so you can come to terms with what you have. I found it of great help to read this

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=6023

just because it describes how I feel, and that's so reassuring, because it means that, although I'm feeling a bit crazy, there is a reason for it

anyway, really hope whatever you choose works out. :3 message me if you'd like to.
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Old June 5th, 2011, 12:10 PM   #7
Twistember
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Default Re: I need help. I don't know what to do....

Thank you, rensa for your help. I really appreciate that link. It pretty much describes me.
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