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Old May 23rd, 2011, 03:37 PM   #1
cmdexe
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Join Date: May 21, 2011
Location: midlands, england
Gender: Female
Default Pure OCD

Haider. I have a problem..


My pure O OCD is somewhat self diagnosed. For those not familiar with the disorder, it basically means that rituals are usually in the head (eg counting to a certain number, ruminating and analysing situations during the day) and hence it's not as easy for other people to see as regular OCD. For me, it manifests itself as paranoia of the self and in worrying about being manipulative and hurting other people, even to the point where I will mentally beat myself up for not keeping everyone 100% happy all of the time. (which is of course not possible)


I have previously had insomnia and anorexia on and off for the past three or four years, both of which have been, at a couple of points, very severe. They seem to be calming down now but as luck would have it, my OCD/anxiety seems to be acting up. (especially now I have exams -- impeccable timing!)


So, yeah. The reason why I'm posting this. I have recently been to my school nurse because, to put it simply, I couldn't cope. I started sobbing in maths and generally couldn't handle all the stress that I was putting myself under, which led to my teacher taking me to see the school nurse. As is common with OCD, it becomes clear that the obsessions are irrational, and then you fall into the trap of thinking that you WANT to have OCD. It's in your own head, so that must be the only explanation, right? That makes me feel horrrrible, and is just one of the points with which I torture myself. Charming, isn't it..


So that was pretty awkward, anyway. The woman thinks I have anxiety issues, and for the last two sessions she has been giving me sheets about breathing exercises for getting to sleep easier and sheets on how to manage my exams. You may have noticed that they are not the problem! I spend half my time worrying that what I said to so-and-so yesterday was really offensive and was horrible of me to say, which has nothing to do with my exams or my sleep. I am actually managing both of those reasonably well (though I do obsess about managing my time or "wasting my life" as I like to put it).


My parents aren't aware (or observant) so that's fine as far as I'm concerned because that would just be awkward as hell. I get on with my mum alright, but there is no way she would understand OCD. My dad would go mental at me so I'd rather he didn't find out either. I'm worried that if I ask for help regarding my OCD rather than my sleep and exams (which I didn't even mention to her??) then she will tell my parents and I will be living in cringeville... I am 14 and the age of medical consent in England is 16, so I could theoretically just wait til then to complain to my doctor and see what therapy or meds or whatever will make me feel better, without my parents knowing. However, I'm not sure that I can last that long, nor can I tolerate the daft sessions with the school nurse.


If you've read this far, wd your professional opinion please! What to do??!!?
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