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Old December 16th, 2006, 12:50 AM   #1
CrazyBeautiful69
Junior Member+
 
Join Date: November 6, 2005
Location: Norwich Ontario
Age: 30
Default (im still not ok)

well if any of you have read my post (please, hear me out) this is sorta an update..
it's been over a year now and i'm still not okay.
as said before..my friend taking his life changed my entire life, and for some reason, no matter how hard i try, i can't find it in myself to go back to the way things were(the way i was). I miss the old me. I miss sleeping( i can't sleep, hardely ever. I take one or two..three sleeping pills, and they dont work). I miss being able to smile, without forcing it. I don't want to be fake anymore. I live everyday, putting on this show, so that no one knows how much i am drowning on the inside. sometimes i feel like i cant breathe and the worst part about it is.. it doesn't scare me, it calms me. but most of all, i miss him.
i get so overwhelmed with being fake that i have to leave whatever i am doing and go into a room by myself where i can just break down. I literally cry until i can't see..
when someone asks me whats wrong..i lie.
I am scared about my future.

I am scared.

We Were Meant To Live For So Much More..
Have We Lost Ourselves?
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Old December 19th, 2006, 06:23 PM   #2
TheWizard
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Join Date: March 19, 2004
Location: Hogwarts School
Default Re: (im still not ok)

You have to move on. If you keep doing the samethings you are doing now you can only expect to get the same results in the future.

I'm sure your friend would want you to be happy again. You have to make the first move.

Its ok to grieve for a while but you have to look to the future. Don't let the past control your happiness.

Josh

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