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Old March 2nd, 2018, 12:12 AM   #3
Nice Poster
ImagineRepublicCity's Forum Picture
Name: Natalie
Join Date: December 29, 2013
Age: 19
Gender: Cisgender Female
Blog Entries: 5
Default Re: I'm not going to kill myself, but I hate being alive.

I'm not sure if you're really asking for help or not, but I'll say this anyway.

The first thing you need to do is, as you said stop blaming. This isn't a blame game, it's life. Don't go blaming yourself for this, don't go blaming yourself for that, don't go blaming school, friends, family, etc for all that happens. It's happened, it's the past. Look towards your future self.

It's true that the way your parents raise you influence the way you interact. If your parents told you that people with blue eyes were horrible and you must never talk to them, they are rude, etc, then 80% of the time you're going to think this is true for a large portion of your life, but the 20%? If you TRULY think something is wrong, if you truly feel that the way you think and act is not correct or it is unusual, YOU have to make the effort to change yourself.

It's okay to bitch about let's say for example your weight. You could feel horrible for gaining a lot of weight, by eating unhealthy and needing to lose it. However, the difference is actually doing something about it and just bitching. Make the effort. If you want someone to notice you as a good person to date, you have to make the effort. Look good, feel good, feel confident, read up tips, just do something. Every time you do something, you are already ahead of your past self, so do it.

You know when people say you have to "fake it until you make it," it kind of relates to having friends and relationships too. I used to hate high school with a passion and made zero effort to make friends. I broke friendships and I didn't give a shit. I still don't feel confident talking to others, but it's the only way to make friends. What's the point of hoping others to come to you. You're going to find shitty people you just don't like, but kind of just stick with it. So long as they're not being mean to you, you will find other connections with people you actually enjoy being with.

Lastly, there are a lot of councilors and psychologists out there, but a lot of them will suck; To you anyway. Literally the way they speak, the way they throw opinions out, the way they dress, the way they move, the way they look, it all changes the way you interact with them. You will find someone you feel comfortable with. I know I did eventually.

"Nyx, Nyx, Nyx, Nyx, Nyx"

I'm not very active, but if you need someone to chat to, PM me.

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