Thread: Anxiety?
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Old April 3rd, 2017, 01:21 AM   #3
Nice Poster
maddogmj77's Forum Picture
Name: Matthew
Join Date: February 14, 2014
Location: California, USA
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Default Re: Anxiety?

I can't believe how much I can relate to this honestly.
Always worrying, over-thinking, the small routines.

When I try speaking sometimes, I just... can't. I feel like I'm "going to die" is the best way to explain it.
The overwhelming fear of embarrassment, judgement, rejection, feeling like you have to puke, imagining the worst possible outcomes.

When I try to speak to my dad and I get that anxiety, I end-up mumbling everything.
He gets pissed off at me, and says "You're doing this on purpose, you're trying to piss me off".
Which isn't true, I don't want to, I'm trying to speak, I just... can't.
So he gets mad at me, I'm mad at myself for not being able to talk, and I end up getting mad at him, and I usually end up lashing out.
Furthering his point that I'm trying to piss him off.

Nowadays however, I just give up on trying to communicate, if I can't get it out, it's not worth it. And I sulk on it.
I'm lonely, depressed, have no friends, I hate school, not sure what to do. I want to make friends too sometimes, but I assume everyone will reject me.
So I can't make any connections, not with my parents, not with my brother, not with my friends, not with anybody.

I've been like this for as long as I can remember, but I've never said anything about it. I always thought that I just needed to "get over it".
I didn't even understand what it was for the longest time.

But yes, what you have sounds like some sort of social anxiety, which has led to isolation, loneliness, & depression. I'm pretty much in the same boat as you.

I have managed to get myself to a therapist, although I haven't been able to speak to her.
I'm still here trying I guess, some days it just doesn't feel worth it.

I think you should try getting yourself to a mental health professional, & try to explain what's going on.
I know how hard it can be, I haven't even been able to follow my own advice. Anxiety is able to defeat even the best of reason & logic.

Matthew - 18 - Gay
Feel free to message me

"Is this a test? It has to be, otherwise I can't go on."

Last edited by maddogmj77; April 4th, 2017 at 12:17 PM.
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