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Old July 21st, 2006, 10:50 AM  
New Member
Join Date: July 21, 2006
Location: Florida
Age: 28
Default Re: I dont know what i am sexualy

But if im gay i dont want to be, what if i start getting attracted to my friends that would suck because i like to have guys as just friends, i am home schooled and i only have one friend and i have been through to much crap in my teen years so fer: Major Depression; Social Anxiety; Family problems; boarding schools and after all this crap i try to keep myself in a good frame of mind ive been on 40mg of paxel everyday for months now and then i read a story and i am as bad as i was 2 years ago, i went to the florida sheriffs boys ranch for a while so i have lost all my friends that i grew up around and only have one new one, i have no sexual desires for him at all and never have for any guy except for one and i was like 12 and the kid told me that it was alright to mastubate in the same room so i did and i was curious to see what his was like but i know that was all experimentation, hopefully but he made me think it was a striaght thing to do like he said "o you must be gay because your to shy to do it" i would give anything right now to wipe him from my brain like i never knew him it didnt help me much when my sister found out and then started calling me gay, i just dont know what to do... i dont want to be gay and i cant help what i like even if i hate liking it, i dont want to have to hide in a closet my whole life if i am homosexual because i would hide and i would be a hermit for the rest of my life, my dad has already abandened me and my siblings, i bet he never even thinks about us. I just need to see a phycoligist or som1 to help me from going insane and end up hurting myself i used to be suicidal and i feel that i am once again becoming that, i am not an emo kid as they call it like i used to be i am starting to feel the same way i used to though like when i was. I am at the end of this message and i realize that everything i said was completly random and doesnt make sense and i dont know why i am typing it, i guess i just want someone to help me i want to get everything off my chest to someone and i feel alone with this because if i tell anyone how i feel i will be outcasted and looked down upon.
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