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Old June 29th, 2006, 04:17 AM  
Trademarked
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Join Date: October 9, 2005
Age: 25
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Default masturbation according to the president:

this is our genius presidents' view on masturbation. my responses in bold

President and Mrs. Bush hope that you never have to deal with the tragic heartbreak heartbreak? if that's heart break then my parents are dead! of a child who masturbates.it's not heartbreak if they dont find out But the sad fact is, masturbation is rampant among today's youth. The first step towards dealing with a problem is to recognize that the problem exists. Here are some of the most common warning signs that your child may be masturbating:

ACNE: Does your teenager have acne? Masturbation often leads to excessive hormone production, which is the primary cause of acne. Very few teenagers who don't masturbate have acne. or it could just be GROWING UP

DEPRESSION: Is your teenager depressed? If a teenager acts sullen, withdrawn or unhappy – the most likely cause is chronic masturbation. or maybe the fact that their parents are over-protective idiots

DESIRE FOR PRIVACY: Does your child lock his or her bedroom door? It is not healthy for a teen to desire privacy. Chances are he or she is in there masturbating. like you never lock your door mom and dad...

"ROCK" MUSIC: Does your child listen to "Rock And Roll" music? If a teenager has rebelled against God far enough to listen to the Devil's music, then he or she has almost certainly rebelled enough to try masturbation. if rock is the devil's music then im the spawn of satan himself!

BOY JUICES: Are there semen stains on your son's bed sheets or underwear? There's only one way they could have been deposited there. So line up all of your sons at least twice a day for a family prayer meeting and underwear check! underwear check?

IDEALISM: Does your teenager have liberal or otherwise idealistic political opinions? The weakness of mind brought on by self-abuse often leads to left-wing sympathies. according to bush

FADDISM: Does your child wear fashionable clothing or hairstyles? If your child can't resist the peer pressure to look a certain way, he or she probably can't resist the peer pressure to masturbate, either. what the fuck?

DENIAL: Does your child look guilty or deny masturbating? Very few teenaged masturbators will openly admit to their sickness! sickness?

EVIDENCE: Have you caught your child masturbating? If you walk into your son's bedroom without knocking and he's in there with his pants down stroking his erect penis, he's probably masturbating. no shit sherlock!

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