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Old June 28th, 2006, 03:43 PM  
Join Date: March 27, 2005
Location: Miami, Florida
Default I Need To Talk To Someone Right Now

I'm so pissed off. Ever since I've been having these strange memories/nightmares/flashbacks? about my father sexually abusing me or about anything forgotten from my childhood at all, my mom has to make the incidents seem so small or worse yet, say "No one really knows what happend," when what she really needs to do is just FUCKING LISTEN. And she basically refuses to let me see a rape councelor because we're having a lot of financial problems and I'm going to college, so she's like "it's too expensive, even with insurance," so I might as well do this all by myself, even when I have no idea what is happening to me. I just got into another arguement with her about some memory I had when I was a little girl. It was at night and my father always used to "check up" on my sisters and I when we were sleeping just to make sure we were sleeping, even when it was obvious that we were. He would say that "oh you're sleeping in funny positions, that's not good for you," and stupid shit like that. In order to act on his assumptions that I'm hurting myself by sleeping in uncomfortable positions, whatever the hell that means, he has to spend more time bothering me at night by replacing and rearranging my mattress so "I won't hurt myself sleeping," even though if I was in a funny position, I wouldn't be sleeping I'd turn over like all the other normal kids who when they aren't comfortable. I swear to god he always has to make the smallest reasons why to come into my room at night and do shit to me I'm so glad I'm older and he isn't living with me now. The only problem is whenever I remember or think I remember, have a flashback, whatever it is that makes me sense something he did, mom always has to analyze it. I wish she'd just FUCKING LISTEN. She thinks she knows all about sexual abuse, even when she hasn't been abused like that by anyone she knew. I need help, and whenever I go to the counceling center in my college, the people tell me there that I'm too far scarred for them to help me. That's because most of the people at a college counceling center are students who deal with things like relationship breakups or stupid things like that. They're so fucking dumb.

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