Re: What does she want?
Thanks for the advice but i wish i read it sooner!
I spoke to her on the phone twice since and had a chat on msn with her and told her that i cant tell what she is thinking anymore(before i could practicaly say what she was gonna say 10secs lata, which she found amasing) i cant feel that mental connection anymore. I told her that she needs to be honest with me and tell me what is going on in her head. In the beggining of our relationship i said, ''i can only enter into this relationship if you promise me one thing,....to be honest and communicate with me and tell me where i go wrong, if i do.'' she said ''yes, nick you are different from the rest, cant you feel that.'' I said ''are you sure you can keep that promise, ive seen what has happend in the past and i have been the one who has been there for those guys and for you'' she said ''i promise, i promise and i mean it, i love you,.....''
Anyways yesterday (24thJune) i told her that where i am going next year for school is the only stable thing in my life at the moment. She said ''am i included in that equation'' i said ''yes, you seem distant, you dont seem to communicate with me anymore. I feel as if you are finding other things to do then spend time with me (she has recently offered to help with a big show and didnt tell me until i saw her by chance) Talk to me love, you dont need to be scared of what im gonna say. etc'' She said ''im not avoiding you, you know when i said i need space i meant no smuthering me, i know you have liked me for a long time but i need time.''
The long and short of it is that i am ok with her needing time to adjust and space coz i dont wanna jepordise what we have. I also accept that things are difficult and extremely painful because of the situation with her old man being critically ill but i will not be lied to, spoken to like shit and treat like crap, i want to offer the support she wants or give her space if thats what she needs.
I am happy for her helping out with the drama coz its her passion and i like to see her happy but i am angry it was a secret from me and how i found out. I am hurt and angry that she broke the promise that the hole relationship was built on and that it has been dragging on for a fortnight, she told me that i was the one person she could tell everything and could connect with. I feel like i entered into this relationship under false pretences and that i have been descieved, i am trying not to feel like this coz of her situation but she has hurt me before, over my dead body is she doing it twice, over my dead body!!!!!!!!
I think i am gonna end it(no matter how much i love her and she loves me), unless she can prove to me there is something worth saving but i am going to be careful with my timing because she is unstable, so i will wait untill she is stable, after all i still love her and always will! So i want do it in a way that we can still be friends.
I am probably being really selfish but all my life i have been the one who holds his feelings back if i think they will harm someone else and yet be completly open with peopl and i am the one who makes sacrifices for other people, i left my hole life behind down south for my mum(and i had a choice), i always end up being the one who gives in to situations just for a bit of peace, now it is my turn to be the one who makes the decisions!
I would appreciate your oppinions and advice.