Join Date: August 12, 2005
more problems with veronica and heather
Mabey you have read some of my other topics about a foren girl named Veronica, and more recently a girl named heather. Well i've gotten myself into more trouble. To clue in you people who have no idea what im talking about, Veronica comes buy every summer to visit relatives. She is 3 years younger than me, but alwase got along. Last summer we became "more than friends, but not quite a couple" if you get what i mean. Well i havent been able to see her, or get her out of my head since she left. a bad combination. so that relationship couldn't be resolved either way, until this summer. She'll be back in about a month. For info on heather you can just go to the thread "the world is playing a crule joke on me" its still on the front page.
Well me and heather have had a few email conversations since then. so before i could in good concience write to her again i had to tell her about veronica. Here's the email i sent. Everything i typed in here was crucial to what i was trying to get through. srry its so long.
Well im so srry that your ride home was Hell. But that was probably expected. Heather i dont do this to be mean. And no im not trying to end our relationship, but i kept all of our conversations from last year. You sent me an email that i never got. When i told you i wanted to know what was in it, you refused to tell me. My first susspition was that you were going to break up with me. And i thought that for a long time. I just went back to read it, and to my missbelife you hade this to say. This is just a few clips of our conversations.
You - Hey! Im sorry I haven't emailed you back. I cant email that letter back to you. It was a letter that I dont want you to read.
One thing i wrote in the letter was that I like you alot. You are wandering why when I dont even know you. I dont know ether it just a filling I get. Sorry. I hope you dont mind.
I wrote - honestly i dont think that a long distance relationship is the best Idea. If you think about it, there are things you need in a relationship that i cant give you, and I cant feel tied down with someone i cant see on a regular basis. I hope that this was all in your first e-mail and that you can understand this.
You responed by yelling I THINK YOUR RIGHT. so that was the end of it.
You later sent me another email saying that you hoped that we could still be friends, but we didn't. Then, a full year later, well you can remember our Alamo experience as well as i can.
But now after of reading old letters, i cant go on without knowing what is really going on with you. It was nice in Alamo, but was it just a flirt thing? people sometimes just enjoy it because they know that the other person wont be there, so they dont have to be commited to anything. Thats Not what i was thinking, and i dont think that you felt like that either. But sometimes we decied things without knowing it. Just throughing that on the table.
Going back to the Its just a feeling i get. Heather i know what your talking about. More then you could possibly understand. If you want me to be totally honest with you keep reading, if you dont close this email right now and call me Friday. 6pm my time would be perfect. I might be alone then and if im not. Ill make everyone make me be alone. If you do read this however. Please respond by email, and i hope that you dont think to horribly of me, no its not that bad.
In short, i've never had good luck with women. Her name was Veronica. I had known her sence i was eight. She, like you, does not live in Vegas. She, however unlike you, Does not even live in this country. She is a proud citisen of The Chez Republic. We were just friend, we were just kids. Last summer She came back, not the little girl i remembered. Nothing happened, not even as much as happened between you and me. But that didn't stop me from developing feelings for her. I cant email her, or call her like i can you, so i havent talked to her about how she felt. and i still wont for several weeks still. I've fallen asleep everynighte sence then picturing her face. Trying to word out how i would greet her next time she came to visit her uncle. And i thought that i loved her. But right after she left, tara stepped in with the phone calls. and you miraculasly fell in to my sad story. Ill skip out the last year, you remember everything i do. After alamo, i started to realise that Veronica had not entered my mind once after i met you in person. The girl i thought about every car trip, class period, bus ride, and anytime i was alone, was now just gone from my mind. You were there. This sounds romantic, but its really the complete oposit. I felt like such a Jackass. I had spent 9 months telling myself that i had loved her, and now i had caught myself saying i loved another. Now i do love you heather. but im not going to lie to myself or you by saying that i want to have a romantic relation with you.
I want you to know this, because you cant make any decition of my character without hearing this story. So what i guess all i need is time. I know that is redicules to ask, but if you could just not say that you want to see me, or talk about how wonderfull i am, or how you can relate to me more then anyone else, just for a while. I just want to talk to Veronica again. Im not going to tell you im going to break up with her, because i cant promis that. But i also dont want to break up with you.I just want to get everything resolved before i start anything new.
I know that this is not the email you were expecting. but if you could please not let any of this through to anyone (especially Tara, but i dont have to tell you that.) Just remember that you were right a year ago when you said that you and me had chemestry, because we do.
I love you, but i cant ecsept anything for a few weeks still. PLEASE contact me. i cant hold on to you right now, but i wont ecept letting you slip away again.
I dont konw if this was the right thing to do. But she didn't call me, and she sent me an email saying that she would. so its probably not out of hate. =) i just want to keep our relationship going, but i know that its not realistic because of the distance. (i live in Nevada and she in NewMexico) So its really funny that im having problems with two girls at the same time when neither of them live in Vegas. Why do i do that to myself? Any advice on what to do or to say to either of them would be great. Thanks in advance.
I hate these stupid things