I have struggled with being overweight all my life. When I hit 7th grade, I started doing very strict diets...It took me 2 years to lose 40 pounds...Eating 300 calories a day. This year, I gained back every single pound and more...I am so ashamed of myself. Sometimes I will go without eating a thing for 3 days and then I'll binge for a week. I hate myself. I hate my body. I will never be thin. So everyday I fail, I always tell myself I won't eat for a couple of days and sometimes I can pull it off. Starving, in some masochistic form, makes me feel strong, lithe, invincible. I love that feeling. It makes me feel great, like I have self-discipline...until the next day when my body is shaking, I'm about to dry heave, and I am so...so hungry.
I just hate myself so much when I give in...I die inside.