I didn't want to be this way at first. i thought God hated my kind..I thought wrong. i finally accepted my lesbianism a few weeks ago, telling myself, "what is penis to you?" I don't like guys physically and wouldn't be able to have a successful relationship, although i was a lover for nice personalities.
I've only had one real life partner, but it just wasn't right. I dumped him and a few weeks later finally fully accepted it--I just don't like guys. I mean, the few times i watched porn (this was at the time i just REAAAAALLY couldn't accept it), i tried to ignore the man leaning over the woman and his bulging "hotdog". i tried to make myself like it, forced myself to watch man-on-man porn and straight porn.
When i was little, the feeling of homosexuality intoxicated me. At the age of seven, i was a total perv. I looked down my teachers shirts when they helped me and always walked behind them--tried to tell myself it wasn't christian. i was only attracted to men for their personalities, and found my self gaga over girls. (i knew about sex at a disturbing age).
Now i just accept it and act like all the other students, i don't watch others in gym to prevent rise of suspicion (i don't want my teachers to know, i mean, come on.) My perverseness has plummeted and i'm just like any other girl--accept instead of saying "i want so-and-so in bed for his large you-know-what", i say "dang, that girl is beautiful!"
My heart is set on one girl--with her long blonde hair and her shortself,i can't help but get the chills.