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Old December 30th, 2005, 01:16 AM  
dying lullaby
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Join Date: April 6, 2004
Age: 28
Gender: Female
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may i suggest the use of a different word other than "Flesh"

"The sun’s warm rays kiss her flesh,
as she stares out into the distance,
scanning the horizon. "

to me atleast, flesh sounds like something involving blood and gore and just nasty things. i think the word ruins the scene you are trying to create. maybe use skin or cheeks or some other body part?

then again thats just my opinion

other tahn that i think it is excilent. beautifully written and very nice use of imagery!

great job

Bri

http://usera.imagecave.com/aoxfordca/dyinglull4.jpg
^ made by AtlantaWonder ^

She can\'t remember a time when she felt needed
If love was red then she was color blind
***
leave me be, while i rot and die, in the corner, under the blanket that you gave me when you lied and told me i ment something
~Bri
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