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Old December 29th, 2005, 06:43 AM  
There_Goes_My_Life
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Join Date: December 25, 2005
Location: in hick town baby
Age: 28
Default Is it pointless?

I need to know if I'm fighting a losing battle... I will start from the beginning...

Last year in March I went to this art thing for my school to get extra credit. I am really happy I did because there I met Carl. We talked a bit, he was extremely funny. I began to like him (as more than a friend) immediately. I didn't actually admit to liking him untill a week later thought because he was so different from all the other guys I've liked. Well when I told one of my friends I liked him, she told him... I guess now that that was good because we became friends. Towards the end of the year he started telling me that maybe next year him and I would hook up. Well during summer vacation he asked me out... July 31st. I obviously said yes.

Everything was great... of course everything will turn to hell... I've liked this one guy since I was in 6th grade (i'm now in 10th)... So i was thinking about him a lot. That made me think I should break up with Carl. Well Carl found out and asked me about it. I retardedly lied to him, but from then on we became closer. It was so perfect. He was the sweetest guy I had ever dated... I fell in love. I didn't want to because I was sick of getting hurt. But he was just soooo different... I let my guard down... We got REALLY close... and he even told me that if we were together in six monhs (That wouldn've turned out to be towards the end of April) that he would ask me to marry him. But then Halloween night he kissed some girl... he told me a week after he did it. He apologized, he was crying I was crying... I didn't break up with him though. And i don't regret that. I loved (and still love) him. But about six days after that he broke up with me... he told me the guilt was too horrible for him... we broke up November 12.

Since our break up I have been trying to prove that I still love him. I actually told him something that I've never told anyone... It was about... oh ... a week after our break up... this is our conversation:

Me: Come on!... Stanislav Ianveski is so hot!! He's actually one of the two guys I'd 'do' without marrying
Carl: Oh my God (laughs)... wait... who's the other guy?
Me: Guy? U-um... I said nothing!
Carl: Who's the other guy?
Me: Take a wild guess
Carl: I'm not a mind reader
Me: Well i'm not telling you
Carl: Tell me
Me: No
Carl: Tell me or I'm hanging up.
Me: No Carl! Now c'mon...
Carl: 1.....2.....3.....4.....5.....6.....7......8.....9....
Me: OK!!! YOU!!!
Carl: (dead silence)

So it goes on and I'm like "are you there?" so he comes back to reality and asks why. And I told him, 'I've never felt the way I feel about you before." I've just been spilling my guts to him basically and at one point he said that he wants to go back out with me. Come to find out the only thing stopping him is my best friend, his ex-g/f who he dated right before me.

At our dance he told us both that he wasn't going to choose either of us. He still loves us both but if he chooses one that'll get the other mad at him and each other. I just know that I love him with all of my heart and I do love him enought to sleep with him, and I'm one of those girls who is against pre-marital sex. But he just does something to me... he makes me want to do things that i've never done before. It's so confusing and I can't believe I still love him after everything but I do. And now he is back together with my friend. But both my friend and I told him that if he did choose the one he didn't choose wouldn't be mad. So I just go on telling both of them that I am ok.... I was at first, but then it sank in... I love him so much...

~any advice from anyone??? Advice would be great right now~

*Every long lost road
led me to where you are
others who broke my heart
they were like northern stars
pointing me on my way
into your loving arms
this much i know is true
that God blessed the broken road
that led me straight to you.*
~*Rascal Flatts*~
(^^^^me and my b/f's song^^^^)
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